Wacky Quacky Solution
Really Funny Jokes Posted on Thursday, December 31, 2009 by Author @ 8:57 AM
A young doctor had moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring. The older gent suggested the young one accompany him on his rounds so the community could become used to a new doctor.At the first house a woman complained, "I've been a little sick to my stomach." The older doctor said, "Well, you've probably been overdoing the fresh fruit. Why not cut back on the amount you've been eating and see if that does the trick?"
As they left the younger man said, "You didn't even examine that woman. How'd you come to your diagnosis so quickly?"
"I didn't have to. You noticed I dropped my stethoscope on the floor in there? When I bent over to pick it up, I noticed a half dozen banana peels in the trash. That was what was probably making her sick."
"Huh," the younger doctor said, "Pretty clever. I think I'll try that at the next house."
Arriving at the next house, they spent several minutes talking with an elderly woman. She complained that she just didn't have the energy she once did. "I'm feeling terribly run down lately."
"You've probably been doing too much work for the church," the younger doctor told her. "Perhaps you should cut back a bit and see if that helps."
As they left, the elder doc said, "Your diagnosis is almost certainly correct, but how did you arrive at it?"
"Well, just like you at the last house, I dropped my stethoscope. When I bent down to retrieve it, I noticed the preacher under the bed."
Give Me The News, Doc...
Really Funny Jokes Posted on Wednesday, December 30, 2009 by Author @ 7:53 AM
The doctor took his patient into the room and said, "I have some good news and some bad news."The patient said, "Give me the good news."
"They're going to name a disease after you."
Insomnia
Really Funny Jokes Posted on Tuesday, December 29, 2009 by Author @ 3:31 AM
A man went to the doctor complaining of insomnia. The doctor gave him a thorough examination, found absolutely nothing physically wrong with him, and then told him. "Listen, if you ever expect to cure your insomnia, you just have to stop taking your troubles to bed with you.""I know" said the man, "but I can't. My wife refuses to sleep alone."
Pass from earlier Generation
Really Funny Jokes Posted on Monday, December 28, 2009 by Author @ 3:29 AM
A young woman was preparing a ham dinner. After she cut off the end of the ham, she placed it in a pan for baking.Her daughter asked her, "Why did you cut off the end of the ham?And she replied, "I really don't know but my mother always did, so I thought you were supposed to."
Later when talking to her mother she asked her why she cut off the end of the ham before baking it, and her mother replied, "I really don't know, but that's the way my mom always did it."
A few weeks later while visiting her grandmother, the young woman asked, "Grandma, why is it that you cut off the end of a ham before you bake it?"
Her grandmother replied, "Well, dear, that's the only way it would fit into my baking pan."
Act of Gods
Really Funny Jokes Posted on Sunday, December 27, 2009 by Author @ 3:27 AM
The new minister's wife had a baby. The minister appealed to the congregation for a salary increase to cover the addition to the family. The congregation agreed that it was only fair, and approved it. When the next child arrived, the minister appealed again and the congregation approved again.Several years and five children later, the congregation was a bit upset over the increasing expense. This turned into a rather loud meeting one night with the minister.
Finally, the minister stood and shouted out, "Having children is an Act of God!!" An older man in the back stood and shouted back, "Rain and snow are Acts of God, too, and we wear rubbers for them!"
Patrolling along the Iraqi border
Really Funny Jokes Posted on Saturday, December 26, 2009 by Author @ 3:14 PM
A squad of American soldiers was patrolling along the Iraqi border. To their surprise, they found the badly mangled dead body of an Iraqi soldier in a ditch along the road.A short distance up the road, they found a badly mangled American soldier in a ditch on the other side of the road, who was still barely alive. They ran to him, cradled his blood-covered head and asked him what had happened.
"Well," he whispered, "I was walking down this road, armed to the teeth. I came across this heavily armed Iraqi border guard. I looked him right in the eye and shouted, 'Saddam Hussein is an unprincipled, lying piece of trash!'"
"He looked me right in the eye and shouted back, 'Bill Clinton is an unprincipled, lying piece of trash too!'"
"We were standing there shaking hands when the truck hit us."
Where you Working
Really Funny Jokes Posted on Friday, December 25, 2009 by Author @ 8:14 AM
A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"The man below says: "Yes, you're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."
"You must work in Information Technology," says the balloonist.
"I do," replies the man. "How did you know?"
"Well," says the balloonist, "Everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's no use to anyone."
The man below says, "You must work in Management."
"I do," replies the balloonist, "But how did you know?"
"Well," says the man, "You don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault."
Five Surgeons
Really Funny Jokes Posted on Thursday, December 24, 2009 by Author @ 8:59 AM
Five surgeons were taking a coffee break and were discussing their work.The first said, "I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is numbered."
The second said, "I think librarians are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is in alphabetical order."
The third said, "I like to operate on electricians. You open them up and everything inside is color-coded."
The fourth one said, "I like to operate on lawyers. They're heartless, spineless, gutless, and their heads and their butts are interchangeable."
Fifth surgeon said, "I like Engineers... they always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end..."
Lazy Boy Decline
Really Funny Jokes Posted on Wednesday, December 23, 2009 by Author @ 8:57 AM
A man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do.When the exam was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me."
"Well, in plain English," the doctor said, "you're just lazy."
"Okay," said the man. "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife."
Heaven's Gate
Really Funny Jokes Posted on Tuesday, December 22, 2009 by Author @ 8:55 AM
Bill Gates went up to heaven and was met by St John. Seeing how he was so important, St. John gave him the option to go to Heaven or to Hell. Bill Gates said, "What are they like?"St John shows him Heaven, which is very nice with green fields and luxurious houses. Only you can't drink. Bill Gates asks to see Hell so St John shows him and it is exactly the same except that you can drink. So Bill Gates says, "I'll go to Hell then"
About a month later St John returns to see how he is getting on and Bill Gates is working in the furnaces sweating and wishing he could drink anything let alone alcohol. He says to St John, "Hell is nothing like what you showed me!"
St John replies, "Well, that was only the demo version."
The story of my life...
Really Funny Jokes Posted on Monday, December 21, 2009 by Author @ 9:50 AM
After years of scrimping and saving, I told my wife the good news: "Honey, we've finally saved enough money to buy what we started saving for in 1979.""You mean a brand-new Cadillac?" she asked eagerly.
"No," I said sadly, "a 1979 Cadillac."
Just Checkup
Really Funny Jokes Posted on Sunday, December 20, 2009 by Author @ 9:49 AM
A naked woman is bouncing on her bed singing. Her husband walks into the bedroom and sees her. He watches her a while then says, "You look ridiculous! What on earth do you think you're doing?"She says, "I just got my checkup and my doctor says I have the breasts of an eighteen year old." She starts laughing and jumping again. He says, "Yeah, right. And what did he say about your 45-year-old ass?"
"Your name never came up, " she replied.
A Hundred Dollar a Night
Really Funny Jokes Posted on Saturday, December 19, 2009 by Author @ 9:49 AM
The agent for a beautiful actress discovered one day that she had been selling her body at a hundred dollars a night The agent, who had long lusted for her, hadn't dreamed that she had been so easily obtainable. He approached her, told her how much she turned him on and how much he wanted to make it with her.She agreed to spend the night with him, but said he would have to pay her the same hundred dollars that the other customers did. He scratched his head, considered it, and then asked, "Don't I even get my agent's ten percent as a deduction?"
"No siree," she said. "If you want it, you're going to have to pay full price for it, just like the other Johns."
The agent didn't like that at all, but he agreed. That night, she came to his apartment after her performance at a local night club. The agent screwed her at midnight, after turning out all the lights.
At 1 A.M., she was awakened again. Again she was vigorously screwed. In a little while, she was awakened again, and again she was screwed. The actress was impressed with her lover's vitality.
"My God," she whispered in the dark, "you are virile. I never realized how lucky I was to have you for my agent."
"I'm not your agent, lady," a strange voice answered. "He's at the door taking tickets "
Sex Researcher
Really Funny Jokes Posted on Friday, December 18, 2009 by Author @ 9:48 AM
This sex researcher phones one of the participants in a recent survey of his to check on a discrepancy. He asks the bloke, "In response to the question on frequency of intercourse you answered 'twice weekly'. Your wife, on the other hand, answered 'several times a night'.""That's right," replies the bloke, "And that's how it's going to stay until our second mortgage is paid off."
Why
Really Funny Jokes Posted on Thursday, December 17, 2009 by Author @ 8:39 AM
Boy: Mom, why am I black and you are white?Mom: Listen Son, considering all the crazy things I did years ago, you should be thankful that you are not barking!!!
Black Baby
Really Funny Jokes Posted on Wednesday, December 16, 2009 by Author @ 8:38 AM
A white couple had a black baby....The husband doesn't believe that it's his baby.
Husband: Why the baby black?
Wife: U hot, I hot, baby burnt..!
Family Disgraces
Really Funny Jokes Posted on Tuesday, December 15, 2009 by Author @ 8:37 AM
A young Chinese girl going on her 1st date. Her mother warned her...."1st he kisses your cheek; then he'll kiss your breasts, you'll enjoy; than he want to go on top. You must not allow it so as not to disgrace our family name" Next day girl told Mom, "Everything happen exactly as you predicted. I didn't allow him to go on top so I went on top and disgraced his family"Old Man
Really Funny Jokes Posted on Monday, December 14, 2009 by Author @ 8:36 AM
70 yr old man asks his wife "do u feel sad when u see me running behind young girls?"Wife replied "No not at all, even dogs chase cars but they can't drive it"
The Photographer
Really Funny Jokes Posted on Sunday, December 13, 2009 by Author @ 9:35 AM
The photographer for a national magazine was assigned to get photos of a huge forest fire. Smoke at the scene was too thick to get any good shots, so he frantically called his home office to hire a plane. "It will be waiting for you at the airport!" he was assured by his editor.As soon as he got to the small, rural airport, sure enough, a plane was warming up near the runway. He jumped in with his equipment and yelled, "Let's go! Let's go!" The pilot swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air.
"Fly over the north side of the fire," said the photographer, "and make three or four low level passes."
"Why?" asked the pilot.
"Because I'm going to take pictures! I'm a photographer, and photographers take pictures!"
After a long pause the pilot said, "You mean you're not the instructor?"
Two Venerable
Really Funny Jokes Posted on Saturday, December 12, 2009 by Author @ 8:34 AM
Two venerable citizens were talking about King Solomon."That old Solomon, he was a mighty wise King," mused one of them. "All those wives and concubines; you know sometimes I wonder how he arranged to provide the necessary food for all those women."
"How he fed all those women doesn't interest me," said the second man, "I just wonder what he was eating himself."