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The Difference Between Men and Women

Joke of the Day Posted on | January 31, 2011 | No Comments

Let’s say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else.

And then, one evening when they’re driving home, a thought occurs to Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: “Do you realize that, as of tonight, we’ve been seeing each other for exactly six months?” And then there is silence in the car.

To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: Geez, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he’s been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I’m trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn’t want, or isn’t sure of.

And Roger is thinking: Gosh. Six months.

And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, I’m not so sure I want this kind of relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I’d have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily toward… I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?

And Roger is thinking: …so that means it was…let’s see…February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer’s, which means…lemme check the odometer… Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here.

And Elaine is thinking: He’s upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I’m reading this completely wrong. Maybe he Wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed-even before I sensed it-that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that’s it. That’s why he’s so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He’s afraid of being rejected.

And Roger is thinking: And I’m gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don’t care what those morons say, it’s still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It’s 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600.

And Elaine is thinking: He’s angry. And I don’t blame him. I’d be angry, too. I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can’t help the way I feel. I’m just not sure.

And Roger is thinking: They’ll probably say it’s only a 90-day warranty…scumbags.

And Elaine is thinking: Maybe I’m just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I’m sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy.

And Roger is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I’ll give them a warranty. I’ll take their warranty and shove it …………….

“Roger,” Elaine says aloud.

“What?” says Roger, startled.

“Please don’t torture yourself like this,” she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. “Maybe I should never have… Oh gosh, I feel so…” (She breaks down, sobbing.)

“What?” says Roger.

“I’m such a fool,” Elaine sobs. “I mean, I know there’s no knight. I really know that. It’s silly. There’s no knight, and there’s no horse.”

“There’s no horse?” says Roger.

“You think I’m a fool, don’t you?” Elaine says.

No!” says Roger, glad to finally know the correct answer.

“It’s just that…it’s that I… I need some time,” Elaine says.

(There is a 15-second pause while Roger, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he thinks might work.) “Yes,” he says.

(Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand.) “Oh, Roger, do you really feel that way?” she says.

“What way?” says Roger.

“That way about time,” says Elaine.

“Oh,” says Roger. “Yes…”

(Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse. At last she speaks.)

“Thank you, Roger,” she says.

“Thank you,” says Roger.

Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas when Roger gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two Czechoslovakians he never heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he figures it’s better if he doesn’t think about it.

The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible ramification. They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it, either.

Meanwhile, Roger, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend of his and Elaine’s, will pause just before serving, frown, and say:

“Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?”

Trembling Little Old Lady

Joke of the Day Posted on | January 30, 2011 | No Comments

One day, a little old lady walked into a sex shop. The young clerk couldn’t help but notice her, first, because she reminded him of his dear old grandmother, and second because she was twitching violently and trembling, even more than his grandmother did.

“Young m-m-m-man?” she stammered to the clerk, “Do you sell v- v-vibrators here?”

“Yes ma’am, we do,” he replied, a little embarrassed.

“B-b-b-big fl-fl-fluorescent oh-oh-orange ones?” asked the old lady.

“Yes ma’am, we have some like that.”

“The t-t-type about s-s-s-sixteen inches l-l-l-l-long?”

“Yes ma’am, we’ve got just about any size you’d want,” said the young clerk.

“The k-k-kind that t-t-t-t-takes eight D-D-D Cell b-b-b-b-batteries?”

“Yes ma’am we carry some like that.”

“Well, c-could you t-t-t-tell me how the h-h-hell you turn it off?”

Nothing To Do With You

Joke of the Day Posted on | January 29, 2011 | No Comments

A man was sitting on a London train eating a bag of fresh shrimps, ripping off the heads and shells and then throwing them out of the window.

After he had gobbled a few of them down an older woman opposite him said, “Would you mind not doing that? It’s disgusting to watch.”.

“Listen, love.” He replied, “It’s got nothing to do with you, I’ve paid my fare for this journey and I’ll do what I damn well want on this train.” He carried on ripping off the shells, throwing them out of the window and eating the shrimps. Finally he finished the bag and settled back for a little sleep.

The woman then started some knitting and all the man could hear while he was trying to sleep was the incessant clicking of her knitting needles.

After a while, he sits back up and says to the woman, “Could you stop that noise, can’t you see I’m trying to sleep?”

“It’s got nothing to do with you,” replies the old woman, “I’ve paid my fare and I’ll do what I want on this train.”

At that, the man grabbed the woman’s knitting and threw it out of the window. The woman immediately stood up and pulled the train alarm cord.

The man burst out laughing and said, “Ha ha, you’ll get fined $200 for that!”

To which the old woman replied, “And you’ll get six years when the police smell your fingers”.

Exhausted Wife

Joke of the Day Posted on | January 28, 2011 | No Comments

A woman went to a lawyer to discuss divorcing her husband.

“Don’t you love him anymore?” asked the lawyer.

“Oh, I still love him,” she replied, “but all he ever wants is make love, I can’t take it anymore.”

“Instead of divorcing him, why don’t you try charging him every time he wants to make love?” the lawyer suggested.

The exhausted wife decided to give the plan a try.

As soon as she walked into the house that night her husband put the move on her.

“Not so fast,” she replied. “From now on it’ll be $10 in the kitchen, $20 in the living room and $50 in the bedroom.”

“Well, then,” he said. “Here’s $50.”

The wife began walking to the bedroom.

“Hold on,” he said, grabbing her hand. “That’ll be five times in the kitchen!”

Inexperienced Curry Taster

Joke of the Day Posted on | January 27, 2011 | No Comments

Notes From An Inexperienced Curry Taster Named FRANK, who was visiting Phoenix, Durban, South Africa from the U.S.

“Recently I was honored to be selected as a judge at a curry cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge’s table asking directions to the beer wagon when the call came. I was assured by the other two judges (couple of local Indians) that the curry wouldn’t be all that spicy, and besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted”.

Here are the scorecards from the event:

Curry # 1: Manoj’s Maniac Mobster Monster Curry

JUDGE ONE: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick.
JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavour. Very mild.
FRANK: Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that’s the worst one. These Indian fellow’s are crazy.

Curry # 2: Applesamy’s Afterburner Curry

JUDGE ONE: Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight Jalapeno tang.
JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavour, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
FRANK: Keep this out of reach of children! I’m not sure what I am supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.

Curry # 3: Farouk’s Famous Burn Down the Barn curry

JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse curry! Great kick. Needs more beans.
JUDGE TWO: A beanless curry, a bit salty, good use of red peppers.
FRANK: Call Colesburg, I’ve located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now, get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back; now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I’m getting shit-faced from all the beer.

Curry # 4: Barbu’s Black Magic

JUDGE ONE: Black bean curry with almost no spice. Disappointing.
JUDGE TWO: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a curry.
FRANK: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it, is it possible to burn-out taste buds? Savathree, the bar maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills; that 300 lb. bitch is starting to look HOT, just like this nuclear waste I’m eating. Is curry an aphrodisiac?

Curry # 5: Laveshnee’s Legal Lip Remover

JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong curry. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
JUDGE TWO: Curry using shredded beef; could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
FRANK: My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her curry had given me brain damage. Savathree saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from a pitcher. I wonder if I’m burning my lips off? It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming.

Curry # 6: Vera’s Very Vegetarian Variety

JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety curry. Good balance of spice and peppers.
JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.
FRANK: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulphuric flames. I shit myself when I farted and I’m worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that slut Savathree, she must be kinkier than I thought. Can’t feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone!

Curry # 7: Sugash’s Screaming Sensation Curry

JUDGE ONE: A mediocre curry with too much reliance on canned peppers.
JUDGE TWO: Ho Hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of curry peppers at the last moment. I should note that I am worried about Judge Number 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.
FRANK: You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn’t feel a damn thing. I’ve lost the sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with curry which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava-like shit to match my damn shirt. At least during the autopsy they’ll know what killed me. I’ve decided to stop breathing, it’s too painful. Screw it, I’m not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I’ll just suck it in through the 4 inch hole in my stomach.

Curry # 8: Hansraj’s Mount Saint Curry

JUDGE ONE: A perfect ending, this is a nice blend curry, safe for all, not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence. JUDGE TWO: This final entry is a good, balanced curry, neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge Number 3 passed out, fell over and pulled the curry pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he’s going to make it. Poor Yank, wonder how he’d have reacted to a really hot curry?
FRANK: ————–
(editor’s note: Judge #3 was unable to report)

THE SUCCESS OF WOMAN

Joke of the Day Posted on | January 26, 2011 | No Comments

Once upon a time a married couple celebrated their 25th marriage anniversary.

They had become famous in the city for not having a single conflict in their period of 25 years.

Local newspaper editors had gathered at the occasion to find out the secret of their well known “happy going marriage”.
Editor: “Sir. It’s amazingly unbelievable. How did you make this possible? ”

Husband recalling his old honeymoon days said:

“We had been to Shimla for honeymoon after marriage.

Having selected the horse riding finally, we both started the ride on different horses.

My horse was pretty okay but the horse on which my wife was riding seemed to be a crazy one.

On the way ahead, that horse jumped suddenly, making my wife topple over.

Recovering her position from the ground, she patted the horse’s back and said “This is your first time”.

She again climbed the horse and continued with the ride. After a while, it happened again.

This time she again kept calm and said “This is your second time” and continued.

When the horse dropped her third time, she silently took out the revolver from the purse and shot the horse dead !!

I shouted at my wife: “What did you do you psycho. You killed the poor animal. Are you crazy?” ..

She gave a silent look and said: “This is your first time!!!”.”

Husband:”That’s it. We are happy ever after. “

WOMAN FINISHES DRIVE-UP ATM TRANSACTION IN LESS THAN THREE MINUTES

Joke of the Day Posted on | January 25, 2011 | 1 Comment

An extraordinary event was witnessed at a Memphis branch Union Planters bank today. Heather Williams of Germantown pulled up to the drive-thru ATM, put her card in, withdrew cash and then her card, and pulled away in mind-boggling two minutes and 48 seconds. Ms. Williams set a new world record for “Female Drive- Thru ATM Withdrawal.”

ATM Officials were giddy at the site of this remarkable woman. “Oh, man, I knew there was something special right when she pulled up!” Bank Manager Brian Sontag gushed. “She nailed positioning her car right in front of the ATM! She didn’t go too far forward, then have to put her car in reverse, then ease back up a little bit, then back completely out because she was too far from the machine. Unbelievable!”

As the record breaking ATM withdrawal was taking place, Sontag marveled at how Williams defied the dictates of style. “I was breathless when she got the car positioned right and would have been able to pass that story along to my grand-children. But I almost passed out when she had her ATM card *ready* to insert! There was no digging through her purse! No fumbling with that little white envelope that women store the card between uses. She had it ready — and get this — she didn’t have to check her address book for her PIN number!!!”

Sontag shook his head, amazed. “Williams also didn’t read every screen of the ATM window. She didn’t get on her cell phone and ask guidance from her best friend on the best denominations to withdraw!”

Sontag continued. “While the ATM was processing her request,” Sontag sits, obviously overcome with disbelief, “Ms. Williams didn’t start touching up her makeup! There was no adjusting of the rear view mirror, no fumbling through her purse for some lipstick. This had an enormous effect on her record breaking run since she didn’t have to put all of that crap away when the money came out!”

When the money popped out of the ATM, Sontag reports, Williams was ready. “As I said, she wasn’t putting on her makeup. She was studying the machine and when that money came out, she removed it. Pressed the button to let it know she didn’t want any other transactions — and, because she never took her car out of ‘drive’, she didn’t put the car in *reverse* and back up over the guy behind her!”

Union Planters had a camera on the entire transaction and plans to turning the film into a training video for the ATM-challenged.

The Box Top Kid

Joke of the Day Posted on | January 24, 2011 | No Comments

15 years ago, when I was in college, my roommate and I did a lot of drinking and partying. One night we had been drinking way too much and we ended up at my boyfriend’s house, where we spent the night.

The next morning his roommate, Joe, had this big grin on his face and said: “I’ll just call you ‘The Box Top Kid’ from now on.” He was a big jokester, so I laughed and asked what he was talking about.

He explained that during the previous night he and some friends had been playing cards, when I had come out of the bedroom – completely wasted – and squatted on a box a little to the right of the bathroom door, and peed in it.

I peed in a box in plain view of the kitchen table, where everyone had been playing cards!!! This guy was always pulling jokes on people and I figured he was just kidding around with me… until about 3 weeks later.

I was in class when a girl came up to me and said: “Hey, I know you from Joe’s house, where we had that poker game. Man, you were soooo drunk that night!” and then she went on to tell me how she was really embarrassed for me! Needless to say she wasn’t nearly as embarrassed as I was! To this day my college roommate laughs about this story, but I’ve got a few good ones about her, too!!!

Priest Retirement Dinner

Joke of the Day Posted on | January 23, 2011 | No Comments

A Priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 35 years in the parish. A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and to give a little speech at the dinner.

However, he was delayed, so the Priest decided to say his own few words while they waited:
“I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it. He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his employer, had an affair with his boss’s wife, taken illegal drugs, and gave VD to his sister. I was appalled. But as the days went on I learned that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people.”…

Just as the Priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and gave his talk:

“I’ll never forget the first day our Parish Priest arrived,” said the politician. “In fact, I had the honor of being the first person to go to him for confession.”

The Perfect Dump

Joke of the Day Posted on | January 22, 2011 | No Comments

The Perfect Dump
Every once in a while, each of us experiences a perfect dump, it’s rare, but a thing of beauty in all respects. You sit down expecting the worst, but what you get is a smooth sliding, fartless masterpiece that breaks the water with the splashless grace of an expert diver. But that’s not the end of it. You use some toilet tissue only to find that it was totally unnecessary. It makes you feel that all is right with the world and you are in perfect harmony with it.

The Caesarian Dump Pain!
That’s what this dump and childbirth have in common. Its simply a case of too much dump trying to go through too small a hole, and there’s no obstetrician to help.

The Beer Dump
Talk about nasty dumps. Depending on the dumper’s tolerance, the beer dump is the end result of too many beers. it could have been 2 or 22, it doesn’t matter. What you get is a sinister, lengthy, noisy dump accompanied by a malevolent fog that could close a bathroom for days.

The Chili Dump
Hot when it goes in, and rocket fuel when it leaves. The chili dump stays with you all day, making your tush feel like a heat shield.

The Cable Dump
Long, curly and perfectly formed like 2 feet of E13 telephone CO-axial cable. It loops lazily around the bowl, like a friendly serpent. You notice it has three rest rings encircling it. You wonder admiringly, “DID I DO THAT? Where did it come from?” You leave the bathroom pleased with yourself.

The Latrine Dump
In case you didn’t know, a latrine is a hole in the ground with a tent around it where soldiers, boy scouts and flies go to dump. Tip: Don’t ever, ever look in the hole.

The Mona Lisa Dump
This is the masterpiece of dumps. It’s as perfectly formed as it can be. Delicate and slender with intricacies that would make da Vinci weep. And just think, you made it yourself. You may even want to break out the Polaroid, but maybe that’s going a bit too far.

The Empty Roll Dump
You’re done…you reach for the toilet paper only to discover that empty cardboard cylinder. A mild panic begins coldly in your throat. You could use the curtains…no, someone would say “Where are the curtains?” Then what would you say? The rug?…too cumbersome. Then you must come to the same conclusion that every “empty roll dumper” must face…Pull up your slacks, tighten your tush and wriggle yourself to the nearest full roll.

The Splash Back Dump
You send the dump on its way, it drops like a depth charge into the bowl creating a column of cold bowl water that washes your bottom with a startlingly unpleasant shock. Now you’re wet and embarrassed. Tip: Blot instead of wiping.

The Aborted Dump
You are in mid-dump when the phone rings. What do you do? ABORT! Pinch it off, go for the phone, and save the rest for later. It isn’t pretty, but you’ve gotta do what you gotta do.

The Alfresco Dump
Everyone has had to go outdoors from time to time. This can be a rather pleasant experience really. The open air, the nature, and a good bush all contribute to the peaceful ambiance that our primitive forefathers must have enjoyed. What can screw up this harmonious interlude is a troop of brownies or a patch of poison ivy.

The Childbirth Dump
This is a dump that is simply too big to go through the aperture provided by nature for the purpose. You sit there, thinking over your dilemma. First it hurts, and it isn’t going to get any better. You wonder if you’ll ever see your loved ones again. You imagine the newspaper headlines screaming “Man dies trying to hatch monster loaf”. You realize you’ll have to resolve the crisis before you can leave the bathroom. Basically there are only three things you can do: 1. Scream 2. Call an Obstetrician 3. Hope like hell have enough Vaseline to get you through it.

The Tijuana Trot Dump
The phrase “Shit Happens” really applies here in a big way. When the ice in your tainted margarita makes contact with your lower intestinal tract, the fun begins. For the next 72 hours you’d be better off if you carried your own portable toilet with you because you will spend most of that time on the pot and the rest of the time in a fetal position. Now you realize why Mexico never had a navy.

The Machine Gun Dump
You’re just sitting there in a state of sublime peace when all of the sudden you emit a group of noisy gassy bursts that break the silence like machine gun fire. The guy in the next stall hits the floor like a combat veteran cradling his umbrella like an M16…damn commies.

The Sound Effect Dump
You feel a noisy one coming on. Relatives, friends or work mates are within earshot, so you must employ some clever techniques to cover the disgusting sounds you are about to emit. Timing is obviously very important here. At the precise moment of release, try the following sound effects: 1. Flush the toilet 2. Sing the first two stanzas of your national anthem 3. Drop a handful of quarters on the floor

The Security Dump
You have enough on your mind when you’re in the bathroom without worrying about a lockless door and someone bursting in to find you in mid-dump mode. So how can you prevent this embarrassing spectacle from taking place? One way is to strategically place your foot against the door. If you can’t reach to do this…hum loudly.

The Cling-On Dump
For the most part you’ve completed your dump, but there’s one little morsel that refuses to drop off. You’re getting impatient. Someone else wants to use your stall. So, you grip the seat with both hands and wriggle, twist and pump but that last little stubborn piece just hangs there, suspended, clinging like a canned peach between you and the bowl water. Maybe the person pounding impatiently on the door has scissors.

The Houdini Dump
You go, then you stand up to flush, and the darn thing has disappeared. Where’d it go? Did it creep down the pipe? Did you dream the whole thing? Is it lurking out of sight? Should you wipe…maybe you should just to make sure you went. Should you flush? You’d better, because if you don’t, you know it will reappear and smile at the next person who comes in.

The Flu Dump
You feel so bad that you don’t know which end of you to put down first. You have roaring cramps, so you sit down. Then a wave of nausea rolls over you like a cold fog, so you stand up and cramps squeeze your intestines like a vice so you sit down again…up down up down. Don’t you wish Mum were close by?

The Porta-Pottie Dump
Construction workers and outdoor concert goers will tell you about going in a portable toilet. My best description would be, “Its like taking a shit in an upright coffin”. It’s claustrophobic and it smells bad…best advice…go in a paper cup.

The Proctologist Dump
In the beginning, the lord created the earth, the sky and the firmament, but I hope he didn’t create this dump, because there is nothing biblical about it, you run out of gas. That’s right, you run out of propulsion. The dump is right there at the end of your barrel and refuses to go any further. You grunt, you squeeze, you wriggle but it just stays there like a lump of lead. You’ve only got two choices here. One is to squeeze the damn thing back up your intestine and wait until next time. The other is to pretend you’re a proctologist and go after it yourself. Not a pretty picture is it??

The Whole Roll Dump
No matter how much you wipe, it doesn’t seem to be enough. You blow the whole roll and you have to flush 25 times too. The whole episode is consumer waste.

The Graffiti Dump
You flush the dump and the swirling motion of the receding bowl water forces the dump to the porcelain sides, scraping a creative squiggle on its way down. You flush again but the curlicue hangs there…love it or leave it. Its your choice.

The Encore Dump
Ahhhh, you’re done, so you wipe, put yourself together, wash your hands and are about to vacate the bathroom when you feel another dump coming. You have to return for a curtain call. The world’s record is seven encores.

The Born Again Dump
This is a dump that’s going so badly, you say “Lord, if I live through this, I’ll take up religion” you always get through it, but seldom keep the promise you made in desperation, because a born again dump is like childbirth…you forget the pain quickly.

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