Joke of the Day : Joke Diary

Joke of the Day For Everybody

The Difference

Joke of the Day Posted on | October 21, 2010 | No Comments

Customer : Waiter, is this a lamb chop or pork chop?
Waiter : Can’t you tell the difference by taste?
Customer : No, I can’t.
Waiter : Then does it really matter?

A beggar to another beggar

Joke of the Day Posted on | October 20, 2010 | No Comments

I had a grand dinner at Taj yesterday.

How? The other beggar asked.

First begger : Some one gave me a Rs 100/- note yesterday. I went to Taj and ordered dinner worth Rs 1,000/-, and enjoyed the dinner. When the bill came, I said, I had no money.
The Taj manager called the police man, and handed me over to him.
I gave the Rs 100/- note to the police fellow, and he set me free.

A wonderful example of financial management indeed..!!!

Do you want Dinner?

Joke of the Day Posted on | October 19, 2010 | No Comments

Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no

Late Again

Joke of the Day Posted on | October 18, 2010 | No Comments

Teacher : Peter, why are you late for school again?
Peter : Well, Miss, I dreamed that I was playing football and the game went into extra time.

Reward

Joke of the Day Posted on | October 17, 2010 | No Comments

An angel appears at a faculty meeting and tells the dean that in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior, the Lord will reward him with his choice of infinite wealth, infinite wisdom, or infinite beauty.

Without hesitating, the dean selects infinite wisdom.

“Done!” says the angel, and disappears in a cloud of smoke and a bolt of lightning.

Now, all heads turn toward the dean, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light. At length, one of his colleagues whispers,

“Say something.”

The dean sighs and says, “I should have taken the money.”

Embarrassing Problem

Joke of the Day Posted on | October 16, 2010 | No Comments

A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had an embarrassing problem they had never before shared with anyone, not even each other.

The Groom-to-be, overcoming his fear, decided to ask his father for advice.

“Father,” he said, “I am deeply concerned about the success of my marriage. I love my fiancĂ©e, very much, but you know, I have extremely smelly feet, and I’m afraid that my future wife will be revolted by them.”

“No problem,” said dad, “all you have to do is wash your feet as often as possible, and always wear socks, even to bed.”

Well, to him this seemed a workable solution.

The bride-to-be, overcoming her fear, decided to take her problem up her mom.

“Mom,” she said, “When I wake up in the morning my breath is truly awful.”

“Honey,” her mother consoled, “everyone has bad breath in the morning.”

“No, you don’t understand. My morning breath is so disgustingly bad, I’m afraid that my new husband will not want to sleep in the same room with me.”

Her mother said simply, “Try this. In the morning, get straight out of bed, and head for the bathroom and brush your teeth. The key is, not to say a word until you’ve brushed your teeth. Not a word,” her mother affirmed.

Well, she thought it was certainly worth a try.

The loving couple were finally married in a beautiful ceremony. Not forgetting the advice each had received, he with his perpetual socks and she with her morning silence, they managed quite well. That is, until about six months later.

Shortly before dawn, the husband wakes with a start to find that one of his socks had come off. Fearful of the consequences, he frantically searches the bed. This, of course, woke his bride and without thinking, she immediately turns to face him and asks,

“What on earth are you doing?”

“Oh, no!” he gasped in shock, “You’ve eaten one of my socks!”

Surprise Party

Joke of the Day Posted on | October 15, 2010 | No Comments

It was the day before my eighteenth birthday. I was living at home, but my parents had gone out for the evening, so I invited my girlfriend over for a romantic night alone. As we lay in bed after making love, we heard the telephone ring downstairs. I suggested to my girlfriend that I give her a piggyback ride to the phone.

Since we didn’t want to miss the call, we didn’t have time to get dressed.

When we got to the bottom of the stairs, the lights suddenly came on and a whole crowd of people yelled,”SURPRISE!!!”

My entire family, aunts, uncles, Grandparents, cousins and all my friends were standing there.

My girlfriend and I were frozen in a state of shock and embarrassment for what seemed like an eternity. Since then, no one in my family has planned a surprise party again.

In Common

Joke of the Day Posted on | October 14, 2010 | No Comments

Q: What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common?
A: The balls are just for decoration!

Good Health Questions & Answers

Joke of the Day Posted on | October 13, 2010 | No Comments

These have to be correct. I got them from a retired Doctor I play pool with. You have to follow them to the letter for them to work for you. Good luck!

Dr. LaCoste Health questions and answers

Q: I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that’s it, don’t piss them away on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that’s like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable slop.

Q: Is beer or wine bad for me?
A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables. As we all know, scientists divide everything in the world into three categories: animal, mineral, and vegetable. We all know that beer and wine are not animal, and they are not on the periodic table of elements, so that only leaves one thing, right? My advice: Have a burger and a beer and enjoy your liquid vegetables.

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can’t think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain – Good.

Q: If I stop smoking, will I live longer?
A: Nope. Smoking is a sign of individual expression and peace of mind. If you stop, you’ll probably stress yourself to death in record time.

Q: Aren’t fried foods bad for you?
A: You’re not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they’re permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: What’s the secret to healthy eating?
A: Thicker gravy.

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had.

Witches

Joke of the Day Posted on | October 12, 2010 | No Comments

Q: Do you know why witches don’t wear panties?
A: Cause it gives them a better grip on their brooms!

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