Joke of the Day : Joke Diary

Joke of the Day For Everybody

Peanuts

Joke of the Day Posted on | October 31, 2010 | No Comments

Tour Bus driver is driving with a Bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old Lady.

She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.

After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.

She repeats this gesture about five more times. When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks the little old lady,

‘Why don’t you eat the Peanuts yourself”?

‘We can’t chew them because we’ve no teeth’, she replied.

The puzzled driver asks, ‘Why do you buy them then”?

The Old Lady Replied,

‘We just love the Chocolate around them”.

A Male Gynecologist

Joke of the Day Posted on | October 30, 2010 | No Comments

“A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car.”

Married

Joke of the Day Posted on | October 29, 2010 | 1 Comment

Two men, one American and an Indian were sitting in a bar & drinking Shot after Shot.

The Indian man said to the American, ‘You know my parents are forcing me to get married to this so called homely girl from a village whom I haven’t even met once.’ We call this arranged marriage. I don’t want to marry a woman whom I don’t love. I told them that openly and now have a hell lot of family problems.’

The American said, talking about love marriages… I’ll tell you my story. ‘I married a widow whom I deeply loved and dated for 3 years.

After a couple of years, my father fell in love with my step-daughter and married her, so my father became my son-in-law and I became my father’s father-in-law.

Legally now my daughter is my mother and my wife my grandmother. More problems occurred when I had a son. My son is my father’s brother and so he is my uncle.

Situations turned worse when my father had a son. Now my father’s son,my brother is my grandson. Ultimately, I have become my own grand father and I am my own grandson. And you say you have family problems.’

The Indian fainted.

How many were there?

Joke of the Day Posted on | October 28, 2010 | 1 Comment

A man and a woman had been married some time when the woman began to question her husband. “I know you’ve been with a lot of woman before. How many were there?”

The husband replied, “Look, I don’t want to upset you, there were many. Let’s just leave it alone.” The wife continued to beg and plead.

Finally, the husband gave in. “Let’s see.” he said “There was one, two, three, four, five, six, YOU, eight, nine, “

Why?

Joke of the Day Posted on | October 27, 2010 | 1 Comment

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?

Why do banks charge a fee on “insufficient funds” when they know there is not enough?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why doesn’t glue stick to the bottle?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an “S” in the word “lisp”?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end you first try?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that’s falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

If at first you don’t succeed, shouldn’t you try doing it like your wife told you to do it?

Angel

Joke of the Day Posted on | October 26, 2010 | No Comments

First Guy (proudly) : “My wife’s an angel!”
Second Guy : “You’re fortunate, mine’s still alive.”

Mummy

Joke of the Day Posted on | October 25, 2010 | No Comments

Son : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
Father : No. Why do you ask that?
Son : Well, where did you get mummy then?

Business is Business

Joke of the Day Posted on | October 24, 2010 | 1 Comment

One day in a school in London, a teacher said to a class of 5-year-olds…

I’ll give 10 pounds to the child who can tell me who was the most famous man who ever lived.”

An Irish boy put his hand up and said, “It was St. Patrick.”

The teacher said, “Sorry Paddy, that’s not correct.”

Then a Scottish boy put his hand up and said, “It was St. Andrew.”

The teacher replied, “I’m sorry, Hamish, that’s not right either.”

Then a Jewish boy put his hand up and said “David”,

The Buddhist boy said “Gautama Buddha” and the Muslim boy said “Mohammed”.

They all were not successful.

Finally, a Gujju boy raised his hand and said, “It was Jesus Christ.”

The teacher said, “That’s absolutely right, Jignesh, come up here and I’ll give you the 10 pounds that I promised.”

As the teacher was giving Jignesh his money, she said, “You know Jignesh, since you’re a Hindu Gujarati; I was very surprised you said Jesus Christ.”

Jignesh replied, “Yes. In my heart I knew it was Krishna, but Bijness is Bijness!!!!!!

Biology and Sociology

Joke of the Day Posted on | October 23, 2010 | No Comments

Q: What’s the difference between Biology and Sociology?
A: When the baby look like the father, its Biology.
When the baby looks like the neighbor, its Sociology!

The African Visitor

Joke of the Day Posted on | October 22, 2010 | No Comments

An African chieftain flew to the United States to visit the president.

When he arrived at the airport, a host of newsmen and television cameramen met him.

One of the reporters asked the chief if he had a comfortable flight.

The chief made a series of weird noises …. “screech, scratch, honk, buzz, whistle, z-z-z-z-” … and then added in perfect English, “Yes, I had a very nice flight.”

Another reporter asked, “Chief, do you plan to visit the Washington Monument while you’re in the area?”

The chief made the same noises … “screech, scratch, honk, buzz, whistle, z-z-z-z” … and then said, “Yes, and I also plan to visit the White House and the Capitol Building.”

“Where did you learn to speak such flawless English?” asked the next reporter.

The chief replied, “Screech, scratch, honk, buzz, whistle, z-z-z-z … from the short-wave radio.”

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