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Model Behaviour

Joke of the Day Posted on | February 18, 2010 | No Comments

Two executives working in the garment center are having lunch together. Goldstein says to his friend, “Last week was one of the worst weeks of my entire life.”

“What happened?” asks Birnbaum.

Goldstein moans, “My wife and I went to Florida on vacation. It rained for seven days and seven nights, so my wife went out and spent thousands of dollars on the credit card. I came back to New York and found out that my rat brother-in-law accountant has been ripping me off for millions. And to top it all off, when I came in to work on Monday morning, I found my son having sex with my best model on my desk!”

“You think you had a bad week?” responds Birnbaum. “My week was even worse! I went to Florida on vacation with my wife and it rained for seven days and seven nights, so my wife went out and spent thousands on the credit card. Then, when I got back to New York, I found out that my rat cousin accountant has been ripping me off for millions. To top it all off, when I came in to my office on Monday, I found my son having sex with my best model on my desk!”

“How can you say that your week was worse than mine?” asks Goldstein. “It was identical!”

“You shmuck!” replies Birnbaum. “I manufacture menswear…”

Art Exhibition

Joke of the Day Posted on | February 17, 2010 | 1 Comment

A couple are at an Art exhibition and they are looking at a portrait that has them a little taken aback.

The picture depicts 3 very black, very naked men sitting on a park bench; 2 have a black penis and the one in the middle has a pink penis.As the couple are looking somewhat puzzled at the picture, the Irish artist walks by and says “Can I help you with this painting. I’m the artist who painted it.”

The man says “Well, we like the painting but don’t understand why you have 3 African men on a bench, and the one in the middle has a pink penis while the other two have a black penis.”

The Irish artist says “Oh you are misinterpreting the painting. They are not African men, they are Irish coal miners, and the one in the middle went home for lunch.”

The Blind Daters

Joke of the Day Posted on | February 16, 2010 | No Comments

The blind daters had really hit it off. At the end of the evening as they were beginning to undress each other in his apartment, the fellow said, “Before we go any further, Charlene, tell me if you have any special fetishes that I should know about.”

“As a matter of fact,” said the girl, “I happen to have a foot fetish. But I suppose I’d settle for seven or eight inches.”

High School Teacher

Joke of the Day Posted on | February 15, 2010 | No Comments

A high school teacher arrived late for class to find a most uncomplimentary drawing of himself on the blackboard. Fuming, he asked the class, “Who is responsible for this atrocity?!”

The class clown won tremendous prestige among his peers by answering, “I really don’t know, but I strongly suspect his parents.”

Kinsey Report

Joke of the Day Posted on | February 14, 2010 | No Comments

This guy was taking a course in human sexuality, and during this particular class they were studying the Kinsey Report. As the professor was citing different statistics, he commented that one particular woman in the study had been clocked at having several hundred orgasms in a single session. There were several audible gasps in the lecture hall. A male voice piped up and asked, “Wow… who was she?”

A female voice followed with, “Never mind that, who was *HE*?”

Presidential Candidates

Joke of the Day Posted on | February 13, 2010 | No Comments

The two major party presidential candidates today agreed that Americans are seeing too much inappropriate material in popular entertainment.

However, they disagreed on the details…

The Republican candidate, George W Bush, stated that there is too much bloody violence in the movies and on television. Vice President Al Gore, his Democratic opponent, stated meanwhile that the media present Americans with too much sex and frontal nudity.

In other words, Bush says there is too much gore, and Gore says there is too much bush.

Cow From Illinois

Joke of the Day Posted on | February 12, 2010 | No Comments

The only cow in a small Kentucky town stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found that they could buy a cow just across the state line in Illinois for $200.

They brought the cow from Illinois and the cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all of the time, and the people were very happy.

They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow to produce more cows like it. They would never have to worry about their milk supply again.

They bought the bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow. However, whenever the bull tried to mount the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest. The people were very upset and decided to ask the Vet, who was very wise, what to do.

They told the Vet what was happening. “Whenever the bull tries to mount our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An attempt from the side, she walks away to the other side.”

The Vet thought about this for a minute and asked, “Did you by chance, buy this cow in Illinois?”

The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned where they bought the cow. “You are truly a wise Vet,” they said. “How did you know we got the cow in Illinois?”

The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye, “My wife is from Illinois.”

Science Fare

Joke of the Day Posted on | February 11, 2010 | No Comments

5th and 6th grade responses to science questions on tests:

– There are 26 vitamins in all, but some of the letters are yet to be discovered.

– Genetics explains why you look like your father, and if you don’t, why you should.

– Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they’re there.

– The cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people forget to put the top on.

– Water vapor gets together in a cloud. When it is big enough to be called a drop, it does.

– Mushrooms always grow in damp places, which is why they look like umbrellas.

– Momentum is something you give a person when they go away.

– A monsoon is a French gentleman.

– The word “trousers” is an uncommon noun because it is singular at the top and plural at the bottom.

– To keep milk from turning sour, keep it in the cow.

– When planets run around and around in circles, we say they are orbiting. When people do it, we say they are crazy.

– For asphyxiation, apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead.

– Thunder is a rich source of loudness.

– One of the main causes of dust is janitors.

Love Life

Joke of the Day Posted on | February 10, 2010 | No Comments

Three women were sitting around throwing back a few drinks and talking about their love lives. Tracy said, “I call my husband the dentist. Nobody can drill like he does.”
Cathy giggled and confessed, “I call my husband the miner because of his incredible shaft.”
Dawn quietly sipped her whiskey until Tracy asked,
“Say, what do you call your husband?”
Dawn frowned and said, “The postman.”
“Why the postman?” asked Cathy.
“Because he always delivers late, and half the time it’s in the wrong box.”

Baby From Surrogate Mother

Joke of the Day Posted on | February 9, 2010 | No Comments

Two gay men decide to have a baby. They mix their sperm, then have a surrogate mother artificially inseminated. When the baby is born, they rush to the hospital.

Two dozen babies are in the ward, 23 of which are crying and screaming. One, over in the corner, is smiling serenely. A nurse comes by, and to the gays’ delight, she points out the happy child as theirs. m”Isn’t it wonderful?” Brad exclaims. “All these unhappy children, and ours is so happy.”

The nurse says, “He’s happy now, … but just wait until we take the pacifier out of his ass.”

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