Joke of the Day : Joke Diary

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The story of my life…

Joke of the Day Posted on | December 21, 2009 | 1 Comment

After years of scrimping and saving, I told my wife the good news: “Honey, we’ve finally saved enough money to buy what we started saving for in 1979.”

“You mean a brand-new Cadillac?” she asked eagerly.

“No,” I said sadly, “a 1979 Cadillac.”

Just Checkup

Joke of the Day Posted on | December 20, 2009 | No Comments

A naked woman is bouncing on her bed singing. Her husband walks into the bedroom and sees her. He watches her a while then says, “You look ridiculous! What on earth do you think you’re doing?”

She says, “I just got my checkup and my doctor says I have the breasts of an eighteen year old.” She starts laughing and jumping again. He says, “Yeah, right. And what did he say about your 45-year-old ass?”

“Your name never came up, ” she replied.

A Hundred Dollar a Night

Joke of the Day Posted on | December 19, 2009 | No Comments

The agent for a beautiful actress discovered one day that she had been selling her body at a hundred dollars a night The agent, who had long lusted for her, hadn’t dreamed that she had been so easily obtainable. He approached her, told her how much she turned him on and how much he wanted to make it with her.

She agreed to spend the night with him, but said he would have to pay her the same hundred dollars that the other customers did. He scratched his head, considered it, and then asked, “Don’t I even get my agent’s ten percent as a deduction?”

“No siree,” she said. “If you want it, you’re going to have to pay full price for it, just like the other Johns.”

The agent didn’t like that at all, but he agreed. That night, she came to his apartment after her performance at a local night club. The agent screwed her at midnight, after turning out all the lights.

At 1 A.M., she was awakened again. Again she was vigorously screwed. In a little while, she was awakened again, and again she was screwed. The actress was impressed with her lover’s vitality.

“My God,” she whispered in the dark, “you are virile. I never realized how lucky I was to have you for my agent.”

“I’m not your agent, lady,” a strange voice answered. “He’s at the door taking tickets “

Sex Researcher

Joke of the Day Posted on | December 18, 2009 | No Comments

This sex researcher phones one of the participants in a recent survey of his to check on a discrepancy. He asks the bloke, “In response to the question on frequency of intercourse you answered ‘twice weekly’. Your wife, on the other hand, answered ‘several times a night’.”

“That’s right,” replies the bloke, “And that’s how it’s going to stay until our second mortgage is paid off.”

Why

Joke of the Day Posted on | December 17, 2009 | No Comments

Boy: Mom, why am I black and you are white?
Mom: Listen Son, considering all the crazy things I did years ago, you should be thankful that you are not barking!!!

Black Baby

Joke of the Day Posted on | December 16, 2009 | No Comments

A white couple had a black baby….
The husband doesn’t believe that it’s his baby.
Husband: Why the baby black?
Wife: U hot, I hot, baby burnt..!

Family Disgraces

Joke of the Day Posted on | December 15, 2009 | No Comments

A young Chinese girl going on her 1st date. Her mother warned her….”1st he kisses your cheek; then he’ll kiss your breasts, you’ll enjoy; than he want to go on top. You must not allow it so as not to disgrace our family name” Next day girl told Mom, “Everything happen exactly as you predicted. I didn’t allow him to go on top so I went on top and disgraced his family”

Old Man

Joke of the Day Posted on | December 14, 2009 | No Comments

70 yr old man asks his wife “do u feel sad when u see me running behind young girls?”
Wife replied “No not at all, even dogs chase cars but they can’t drive it”

The Photographer

Joke of the Day Posted on | December 13, 2009 | 1 Comment

The photographer for a national magazine was assigned to get photos of a huge forest fire. Smoke at the scene was too thick to get any good shots, so he frantically called his home office to hire a plane. “It will be waiting for you at the airport!” he was assured by his editor.

As soon as he got to the small, rural airport, sure enough, a plane was warming up near the runway. He jumped in with his equipment and yelled, “Let’s go! Let’s go!” The pilot swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air.

“Fly over the north side of the fire,” said the photographer, “and make three or four low level passes.”

“Why?” asked the pilot.

“Because I’m going to take pictures! I’m a photographer, and photographers take pictures!”

After a long pause the pilot said, “You mean you’re not the instructor?”

Two Venerable

Joke of the Day Posted on | December 12, 2009 | No Comments

Two venerable citizens were talking about King Solomon.

“That old Solomon, he was a mighty wise King,” mused one of them. “All those wives and concubines; you know sometimes I wonder how he arranged to provide the necessary food for all those women.”

“How he fed all those women doesn’t interest me,” said the second man, “I just wonder what he was eating himself.”

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