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Wacky Quacky Solution

Joke of the Day Posted on | December 31, 2009 | No Comments

A young doctor had moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring. The older gent suggested the young one accompany him on his rounds so the community could become used to a new doctor.

At the first house a woman complained, “I’ve been a little sick to my stomach.” The older doctor said, “Well, you’ve probably been overdoing the fresh fruit. Why not cut back on the amount you’ve been eating and see if that does the trick?”

As they left the younger man said, “You didn’t even examine that woman. How’d you come to your diagnosis so quickly?”

“I didn’t have to. You noticed I dropped my stethoscope on the floor in there? When I bent over to pick it up, I noticed a half dozen banana peels in the trash. That was what was probably making her sick.”

“Huh,” the younger doctor said, “Pretty clever. I think I’ll try that at the next house.”

Arriving at the next house, they spent several minutes talking with an elderly woman. She complained that she just didn’t have the energy she once did. “I’m feeling terribly run down lately.”

“You’ve probably been doing too much work for the church,” the younger doctor told her. “Perhaps you should cut back a bit and see if that helps.”

As they left, the elder doc said, “Your diagnosis is almost certainly correct, but how did you arrive at it?”

“Well, just like you at the last house, I dropped my stethoscope. When I bent down to retrieve it, I noticed the preacher under the bed.”

Give Me The News, Doc…

Joke of the Day Posted on | December 30, 2009 | 1 Comment

The doctor took his patient into the room and said, “I have some good news and some bad news.”

The patient said, “Give me the good news.”

“They’re going to name a disease after you.”

Insomnia

Joke of the Day Posted on | December 29, 2009 | 1 Comment

A man went to the doctor complaining of insomnia. The doctor gave him a thorough examination, found absolutely nothing physically wrong with him, and then told him. “Listen, if you ever expect to cure your insomnia, you just have to stop taking your troubles to bed with you.”

“I know” said the man, “but I can’t. My wife refuses to sleep alone.”

Pass from earlier Generation

Joke of the Day Posted on | December 28, 2009 | No Comments

A young woman was preparing a ham dinner. After she cut off the end of the ham, she placed it in a pan for baking.Her daughter asked her, “Why did you cut off the end of the ham?

And she replied, “I really don’t know but my mother always did, so I thought you were supposed to.”

Later when talking to her mother she asked her why she cut off the end of the ham before baking it, and her mother replied, “I really don’t know, but that’s the way my mom always did it.”

A few weeks later while visiting her grandmother, the young woman asked, “Grandma, why is it that you cut off the end of a ham before you bake it?”

Her grandmother replied, “Well, dear, that’s the only way it would fit into my baking pan.”

Act of Gods

Joke of the Day Posted on | December 27, 2009 | No Comments

The new minister’s wife had a baby. The minister appealed to the congregation for a salary increase to cover the addition to the family. The congregation agreed that it was only fair, and approved it. When the next child arrived, the minister appealed again and the congregation approved again.

Several years and five children later, the congregation was a bit upset over the increasing expense. This turned into a rather loud meeting one night with the minister.

Finally, the minister stood and shouted out, “Having children is an Act of God!!” An older man in the back stood and shouted back, “Rain and snow are Acts of God, too, and we wear rubbers for them!”

Patrolling along the Iraqi border

Joke of the Day Posted on | December 26, 2009 | No Comments

A squad of American soldiers was patrolling along the Iraqi border. To their surprise, they found the badly mangled dead body of an Iraqi soldier in a ditch along the road.

A short distance up the road, they found a badly mangled American soldier in a ditch on the other side of the road, who was still barely alive. They ran to him, cradled his blood-covered head and asked him what had happened.

“Well,” he whispered, “I was walking down this road, armed to the teeth. I came across this heavily armed Iraqi border guard. I looked him right in the eye and shouted, ‘Saddam Hussein is an unprincipled, lying piece of trash!'”

“He looked me right in the eye and shouted back, ‘Bill Clinton is an unprincipled, lying piece of trash too!'”

“We were standing there shaking hands when the truck hit us.”

Where you Working

Joke of the Day Posted on | December 25, 2009 | No Comments

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: “Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?”

The man below says: “Yes, you’re in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field.”

“You must work in Information Technology,” says the balloonist.

“I do,” replies the man. “How did you know?”

“Well,” says the balloonist, “Everything you have told me is technically correct, but it’s no use to anyone.”

The man below says, “You must work in Management.”

“I do,” replies the balloonist, “But how did you know?”

“Well,” says the man, “You don’t know where you are, or where you’re going, but you expect me to be able to help. You’re in the same position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault.”

Five Surgeons

Joke of the Day Posted on | December 24, 2009 | No Comments

Five surgeons were taking a coffee break and were discussing their work.

The first said, “I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is numbered.”

The second said, “I think librarians are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is in alphabetical order.”

The third said, “I like to operate on electricians. You open them up and everything inside is color-coded.”

The fourth one said, “I like to operate on lawyers. They’re heartless, spineless, gutless, and their heads and their butts are interchangeable.”

Fifth surgeon said, “I like Engineers… they always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end…”

Lazy Boy Decline

Joke of the Day Posted on | December 23, 2009 | No Comments

A man told his doctor that he wasn’t able to do all the things around the house that he used to do.

When the exam was complete, he said, “Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me.”

“Well, in plain English,” the doctor said, “you’re just lazy.”

“Okay,” said the man. “Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife.”

Heaven’s Gate

Joke of the Day Posted on | December 22, 2009 | No Comments

Bill Gates went up to heaven and was met by St John. Seeing how he was so important, St. John gave him the option to go to Heaven or to Hell. Bill Gates said, “What are they like?”

St John shows him Heaven, which is very nice with green fields and luxurious houses. Only you can’t drink. Bill Gates asks to see Hell so St John shows him and it is exactly the same except that you can drink. So Bill Gates says, “I’ll go to Hell then”

About a month later St John returns to see how he is getting on and Bill Gates is working in the furnaces sweating and wishing he could drink anything let alone alcohol. He says to St John, “Hell is nothing like what you showed me!”

St John replies, “Well, that was only the demo version.”

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