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Joke of the Day For Everybody

Attractive Young Lady

Joke of the Day Posted on | November 30, 2009 | 3 Comments

Whilst enjoying a drink at the bar a guy decided to try his luck with an attractive young girl sitting alone. To his surprise, she asked him to join her for a drink and eventually asked if he’d like to come back to her place. The pair jumped into a taxi and went back to her house.

Later, the young man pulled out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter. Unable to find it, he asked the girl if she had one at hand. “There might be some matches in the top drawer,” she replied.

Opening the drawer of the bedside table, he found a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man. Naturally, the guy began to worry.

“Is this your husband?” he inquired nervously.

“No, silly,” she replied, snuggling up to him.

“Your boyfriend then?”

“No, don’t be silly,” she said, nibbling away at his ear.

“Well, who is he then?” demanded the bewildered fellow.

Calmly, the girl took a match, struck it across the side of her face and replied, “That’s me, before the operation.”

First Woman Recruit

Joke of the Day Posted on | November 29, 2009 | 1 Comment

The first woman recruit in the Army reported for duty and was told that although her quarters would be in a separate building, she was to mess with the men.

It wasn’t until four weeks later someone finally told her that meant to at her meals with them.

War Veterans

Joke of the Day Posted on | November 28, 2009 | No Comments

Fred mistakenly gets on a bus full of war veterans, but upon discovering it is going his way, decides to stay on for the ride.

He sits down next to a guy that jerks his arm to the left every few seconds, accidentally hitting Fred over and over. This really starts to get on Fred’s nerves, so he asks “What the heck is wrong with you?”

The reply is, “I got this in the war.”

Fred finds this pretty annoying so he switches seats.

The next guy he sits by has uncontrollable spastic twitches in his right leg, causing him to kick the seat in front of him, and even kicks Fred a few times. So Fred asks him, “What the heck is wrong with you?”

Again the answer is, “I got this in the war.”

Fred moves again.

The next guy poor Fred sits by begins erratically flailing his left hand. Fred says, “Let me guess, you got that in the war.”

The reply was, “No, I got it out of my nose. I can’t get it off of my hand.”

Sleeping

Joke of the Day Posted on | November 27, 2009 | No Comments

A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before she dismissed them to go to church, “And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?”

Little Johnny jumped up and yelled, “Because people are sleeping!”

Recognize

Joke of the Day Posted on | November 26, 2009 | No Comments

A minister, a priest and a rabbi were enjoying the serenity of a country dipping pond.

Since it was fairly secluded, they took off all their clothes and jumped in the water. Feeling refreshed, the trio decided to pick a few berries while enjoying their “freedom.”

As they were crossing an open area, a group of very old ladies from town approached them. Unable to get to their clothes in time, the minister and the priest covered their privates and the rabbi covered his face while they ran for cover.

After the ladies left and the men got their clothes back on, the minister and the priest asked the rabbi why he covered his face rather than his privates.

The rabbi replied…

“I don’t know about you, but in MY congregation, it’s my FACE that they would recognize.”

Password

Joke of the Day Posted on | November 25, 2009 | No Comments

A female computer consultant was helping a smug male set up his computer and she asked him what word he would like to use as a password to log in with.

Wanting to embarrass the female he told her to enter “PENIS”.

Without blinking or saying a word she entered the password.
She almost died laughing at the computer’s response:
PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH.

Rude Awakening

Joke of the Day Posted on | November 24, 2009 | No Comments

Paddy O’ Leary had spent the eve drinking at the local tavern. He knew he had a long walk home, so though he was a wee tipsy, he recalled a shortcut through the town’s cemetery.

Paddy staggered ’round the graves, but lost his footing and fell into a hole dug for a burial the following day. He passed out when he hit bottom.

Upon awakening the next morn, Paddy stood up and realized where he was– and promptly shouted “Glory Be to GOD! ‘Tis the Resurrection Day– and I’m the first one up!”

Who’s Better

Joke of the Day Posted on | November 23, 2009 | No Comments

Two little boys were arguing. “My father is better than your father!” “No he’s not!” “My brother is better than your brother!” “No he’s not!” “My mother is better than your mother!” The second boy paused. “Well I guess you’ve got me there. My father says the same thing.”

Better In Bed

Joke of the Day Posted on | November 22, 2009 | No Comments

Once there’s a wealth couple, they have maid, driver and a gardener

The wife suspect that the hubby have a affair with the beautiful maid thus looking for chance to fire her.

One day when the hubby is not at home, the wife ask the maid over. She said,”you cook terrible, leaves now.”

Maid reply, “But sir say I cook better then you.”

Silence, tell her to go out.

As the maid was walking out to the door, she turn back and say, “By the way I’m better then you in bed”

The wife shout angrily,”SIR TOLD YOU THAT?”

Maid reply, “No mdm, It’s the gardener and the driver.”

Shaved

Joke of the Day Posted on | November 21, 2009 | No Comments

A married man was visiting his “girlfriend” when she requested that he shave his beard.
“Oh James, I like your beard, but I would really love to see your handsome face.”
James replied, “My wife loves this beard, I couldn’t possibly do it, she would kill me!!”
“Oh please?” the girlfriend asked again, in a sexy little voice…
“Oh really, I can’t,” he replies…”My wife loves this beard!!”
The girlfriend asked once more, and he sighs and finally gives in. That night James crawls into bed with his wife while she was sleeping.
The wife is awakened somewhat, feels his face and replies “Oh Michael, you shouldn’t be here, my husband will be home soon!”

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