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Run Over a Pig

Joke of the Day Posted on | October 21, 2009 | No Comments

Bill Clinton and his driver were cruising along a country road one evening when a pig ran in front of the car.

The driver tried to avoid it but couldn’t.

The pig was killed.

The President told his driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what happened. About an hour later the driver staggers back to the car with his clothes in total disarray. He was holding a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar in the other and smiling happily.

“What happened?” asked the President.

“Well,” the driver replied “the Farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave me the cigar, and their beautiful daughter made mad passionate love to me.”

“My God, what did you tell them?” asked the President.

The driver replied:
“I’m Bill Clinton’s driver, and I just killed the pig.”

Child Support

Joke of the Day Posted on | October 20, 2009 | 1 Comment

A blond man frantically calls 911 and says, “Help…my wife has gone into labor and her contractions are 10 minutes apart”.

The 911 operator asks, “is this her first child?”

To which the blond replies, “Of course not, you idiot…this is her husband”.


Joke of the Day Posted on | October 19, 2009 | No Comments

A English professor wrote the sentence “Woman without her man is nothing”
on the blackboard and directed her students to correct it.
The guys wrote “Woman, without her man, is nothing.”
The girls wrote “Woman! Without her, man is nothing!”

Old Couple

Joke of the Day Posted on | October 18, 2009 | No Comments

A couple who’d been married for over 50 years was sitting on the sofa, when the wife said, “Dear, do you remember how you used to sit close to me?”

He moved over and sat close to her.

“Dear,” she continued, “do you remember how you used to hold me tight?”

He reached over and held her tight.

“And,” she went on, “do you remember how you used to hug me and kiss me and nibble on my ear?”

With that, her husband got up and started to walk out of the room.

“Where are you going?” she asked.

“Well,” answered the husband, “I have to get my teeth.”

Sam’s Explosive Secert

Joke of the Day Posted on | October 17, 2009 | No Comments

A game warden noticed how a particular fellow named Sam consistently caught more fish than anyone else, whereas the other guys would only catch three or four a day. Sam would come in off the lake with a boat full. Stringer after stringer was always packed with freshly caught trout. The warden, curious, asked Sam his secret. The successful fisherman invited the game warden to accompany him and observe.

So the next morning the two met at the dock and took off in Sam’s boat. When they got to the middle of the lake, Sam stopped the boat, and the warden sat back to see how it was done.

Sam’s approach was simple. He took out a stick of dynamite, lit it, and threw it in the air. The explosion rocked the lake with such a force that dead fish immediately began to surface. Sam took out a net and started scooping them up.

Well, you can imagine the reaction of the game warden. When he recovered from the shock of it all, he began yelling at Sam. “You can’t do this! I’ll put you in jail, buddy! You will be paying every fine there is in the book!”

Sam, meanwhile, set his net down and took out another stick of dynamite. He lit it and tossed it in the lap of the game warden with these words, “Are you going to sit there all day complaining, or are you going to fish?”

Emergency Landing

Joke of the Day Posted on | October 16, 2009 | No Comments

An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing.

A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready.

“All set back here, Captain,” came the reply, “except one lawyer who is still going around passing out business cards.”

Not Enough Allowance

Joke of the Day Posted on | October 15, 2009 | No Comments

An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman went for a round of golf and their
wives went along as their caddies.

While walking around the course the English man’s wife caught her foot in a rabbit hole, tripped up, and landed in a heap on the ground. Her skirt was over her head revealing that she wasn’t wearing any knickers! The Englishman stormed over and angrily demanded a reason for her state of undress.

“Well darling,” she explained, “you give me so little allowance that I have to make the odd sacrifice. Usually no one notices.”

The Englishman thrusts his hand into his pocket and said, “Here’s ten pounds. Go to Mark’s and Spencer’s and get some knickers.”

Two holes further along the Irish Man’s wife caught her foot on a molehill, tripped up and landed in a heap on the ground. Again her skirt was up over her head revealing that she wasn’t wearing any knickers either! The Irish man was livid and he angrily demanded a reason for her lack of undergarments.

“Well darling,” she explained, “you give me so little allowance I cannot afford to buy undergarments.”

With that the Irish man thrust his hand into his pocket and said, “Here’s three pounds. Go to Woolworth’s and get some knickers.”

Three holes further on, the Scottish man’s wife caught her foot on an exposed root, tripped up and landed with her skirt over her head revealing that even she wore no knickers! Her explanation to her irate husband was the same as the others. Simply a lack of allowance.

The Scottish man thrust his hand into his pocket and said, “Here’s a comb. The least you can do is tidy yourself up a bit.”

Next One

Joke of the Day Posted on | October 14, 2009 | No Comments

After a young couple brought their new baby home, the wife suggested that her husband should try his hand at changing diapers. “I’m busy,” he said, “I’ll do the next one.”

The next time came around and she asked again. The husband looked puzzled,”Oh! I didn’t mean the next diaper. I meant the next baby!”

Bridge Over the River Quiet

Joke of the Day Posted on | October 13, 2009 | No Comments

JoAnn was a busy housewife with a demanding husband, six children and a large house. The only relief JoAnn got from her chores was the twice-a-week bridge game she shared with a dozen other women. The only flaw in the bridge club relationship was that JoAnn loved to tell off-color stories and the girls didn’t want to hear them.

To teach JoAnn a lesson, the other women decided that the next time she told an off-color story, they’d just get up, walk out, and meet at another home but without her.

Sure enough, at the next bridge club meeting, JoAnn started, “You know, girls, there’s a rumor going around that a busload of prostitutes will be leaving in the morning for that big gold find up in Alaska, and they say . . . ” Just then, the women all stood up and started for the door.

JoAnn was disconcerted, but only for a moment. Then she understood what was going on and said, “Hey! Girls! Hold on, hold on! There’s plenty of time because the bus doesn’t leave until morning!”


Joke of the Day Posted on | October 12, 2009 | No Comments

A beautiful young model is about to undergo a minor operation.

She’s laid on a trolley bed by a lady in a white dress and brought to the corridor. Before they enter room she leaves her behind the theater door to go in and check whether everything is ready.

A young man in a white coat approaches, takes the sheet away and starts examining her naked body, then walks away and talks to another man in a white coat. The second man then comes over and does the same examinations. He then beckons to a third man who comes over and starts examining her body so closely that she begins to grow impatient.

She says, “All these examinations are fine and appreciated, but when are you going to start the operation?” One of the men wearing a white coat shrugs his shoulders and says, “No good asking us, we’re just here to paint the corridor”

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