Bottles
Joke of the Day Posted on | June 10, 2009 | 1 Comment
Over the past few years, scientists at Heinz say they’ve been developing what they say is a revolutionary new kind of baby bottle. It’s a baby bottle actually shaped like a woman’s breasts.
If that’s true, forget baby bottles, make beer bottles.”
Anesthesiologist
Joke of the Day Posted on | June 9, 2009 | No Comments
As the manager of our hospital’s softball team, I was responsible for returning equipment to the proper owners at the end of the season. When I walked into the surgery department carrying a bat that belonged to one of the surgeons, I passed several patients and their families in a waiting area.
“Look, honey,” one man said to his wife. “Here comes your anesthesiologist.”
Playmate
Joke of the Day Posted on | June 8, 2009 | No Comments
On a recent vacation at a resort with my in-laws, we planned to spend an afternoon at the pool with our kids. We wanted to bring our own drinks, but were unsure of the hotel’s policy.
My brother-in-law called the front desk, and assuming everyone was familiar with the brand of ice chest he had, asked if it was all right if he brought a Playmate to the pool.
After a pause, the clerk asked, “Does she have her own towel?”
Note: Playmate is a model of Ice Cooler Box by Igloo Corporation
Dietitian
Joke of the Day Posted on | June 7, 2009 | No Comments
A young lady whom thought she was overweight went to see a dietitian. She walked into his office and asked several questions about dieting, exercise, and other things. Her final question to the dietitian sparked interest in him. She asked, “How many calories are in sperm?”
“Why?” he replied. She explained some of the things she liked to do.
After thinking a minute he said, “I really have no clue, but if you are consuming that much of it, then no guy is going to care if you are a little chunky!”
Ex Co-worker
Joke of the Day Posted on | June 6, 2009 | No Comments
At the outpatient surgery center where I work, the anesthesiologist often chatted with patients before their operations to help them relax. One day he thought he recognized a woman as a co-worker at the VA hospital where he had trained. When the patient confirmed that his hunch was correct, he said, “So, tell me, is the food still as bad there as it used to be?”
“Well,” she replied, “I’m still cooking it.”
Goverment Cutting Cost
Joke of the Day Posted on | June 5, 2009 | No Comments
The following conversation took place one morning between a wife and her now ex-husband. They were discussing government cost cuts that they recently heard about in the paper.
“Honey,” his wife said, while reading the newspaper, “it looks like our government is going to cut overhead and trim down the military forces. They are going to eliminate six over-aged destroyers.”
To which the husband replies, “Sorry to hear that, dear. I’m sure you’ll miss your mother being gone.”
Something Different
Joke of the Day Posted on | June 4, 2009 | No Comments
A salesman, who is getting ready for his next trip, asks his wife to include a condom in his suitcase. His wife instantly asks why?
He replies, “Just a reminder if I want to try something different.”
She grabs a bar of soap, drops it into one of his socks, swings it in the air, and WHAM!! swings it up between his legs… After much pain, and gathering his composure, he asks, “Why the hell did you do that?”
She replies, “Just a reminder if you want to try something different.”
Tail Light
Joke of the Day Posted on | June 3, 2009 | No Comments
“How long have you been driving without a tail light?” asked the policeman after pulling over a motorist.
The driver jumped out, ran to the rear of his car, and gave a long, painful groan.
He seemed so upset that the cop was moved to ease up on him a bit.
“Come on, now,” he said, “you don’t have to take it so hard. It isn’t that serious.”
“It isn’t?” cried the motorist. “Then you know what happened to my boat and trailer?”
Wrong Message
Joke of the Day Posted on | June 2, 2009 | No Comments
It was our second anniversary, and my husband sent me flowers at the office. He told the florist to write “Happy Anniversary, Year Number 2″ on the card.
I was thrilled with the flowers, but not so pleased about the card. It read “Happy Anniversary. You’re Number 2.”
Attractive Waitress
Joke of the Day Posted on | June 1, 2009 | No Comments
A customer wanted to ask his attractive waitress for a date, but couldn’t get her attention. When he was able to catch her eye, she quickly looked away. Finally he followed her into the kitchen and blurted out his invitation. To his amazement, she readily consented.
He said, “Why have you been avoiding me all this time? You wouldn’t even make eye contact.”
“Oh,” said the waitress, “I thought you wanted more coffee.”
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