Marketing 101
Joke of the Day Posted on | May 10, 2009 | No Comments
You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, “I’m fantastic in bed.” That’s Direct Marketing.
You’re at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says, “He’s fantastic in bed.” That’s Advertising.
You’re at a party and see a gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink. You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her a ride, and then say, “By the way, I’m fantastic in bed.” That’s Public Relations.
You’re at a party and see a gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says, “I hear you’re fantastic in bed.” That’s Brand Recognition.
5-year-old Granddaughter
Joke of the Day Posted on | May 9, 2009 | No Comments
A grandmother overheard her 5-year-old granddaughter playing “wedding.” The wedding vows went like this:
“You have the right to remain silent, anything you say may be held against you, you have the right to have an attorney present. You may kiss the bride.”
Kids
Joke of the Day Posted on | May 8, 2009 | No Comments
We were getting ready to go out, and to save time, my husband took our then-four-year-old into the shower with him. I was upstairs when all of a sudden, I heard my husband yell for me to help him. I ran down and found my son with his father’s penis in hand. He was pretending it was a microphone and was singing into as loudly as he could.
Dogs
Joke of the Day Posted on | May 7, 2009 | No Comments
My dog chewed the tongue on one of my new, very expensive running shoes. I hoped to save my investment, so I took the sneakers to a shoe repair shop. I placed them on the counter and told the man, “My dog got hold of this.”
The repairman picked up the shoe, looked it over, and placed it back down on the counter. “Well, what do you recommend?” I asked.
He looked at me and replied, “Give your dog the other shoe.”
6 Inch
Joke of the Day Posted on | May 6, 2009 | No Comments
This is supposedly a true story… there’s a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn’t, turned to the weatherman and said, “So Bob, where’s that 6 inches you promised me last night?”
Not only did he have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!
Thrifty
Joke of the Day Posted on | May 5, 2009 | No Comments
A young minister sitting down to dinner was about to say Grace when he opened the casserole dish that his thrifty bride had prepared from all of the refrigerator leftovers.
“I don’t know,” he said dubiously, “but it seems to me that I’ve blessed all this stuff before.”
New Bride
Joke of the Day Posted on | May 4, 2009 | 1 Comment
You may have heard about a new bride who was a bit embarrassed to be known as a honeymooner. So when she and her husband pulled up to the hotel, she asked him if there was any way that they could make it appear that they had been married a long time.
He responded, “Sure. You carry the suitcases!”
Flight Full
Joke of the Day Posted on | May 3, 2009 | No Comments
On the way back to Ohio as I was sitting in the Phoenix airport, they announced that the flight to Vegas was full. The airline were looking for volunteers to give up their seats.
In exchange, they’d give you a $100 voucher for your next flight and a first class seat in the plane leaving an hour later. About eight people ran up to the counter to take advantage of the offer.
About 15 seconds later all eight of those people sat down grumpily as the lady behind the ticket counter said, “If there is anyone else OTHER than the flight crew who’d like to volunteer, please step forward . . . “
If I Die First
Joke of the Day Posted on | May 2, 2009 | No Comments
Now that they are retired, my mother and father are discussing all aspects of their future. “What will you do if I die before you do?” Dad asked Mom.
After some thought, she said that she’d probably look for a house sharing situation with three other single or widowed women who might be a little younger than herself, since she is so active for her age.
Then Mom asked Dad, “What will you do if I die first?”
He replied, “Probably the same thing.”
Hoping to Make Out
Joke of the Day Posted on | May 1, 2009 | No Comments
A guy got his date out on a country road and pretended to run out of gas hoping to make out.
She wasn’t going for it and said she had a $100 bill in her purse and she’d buy gas, but he’d have to walk to town to get it.
He said he had to pee first. While he was doing his business, the girl decided to light a match near the gas neck to see if there was any gas in there.
There was a big explosion, and she called out to him, “Honey, help me find my purse, it’s got my $100 in it!”
He replied, “Hell with that. Help me find my right hand, it’s got my penis in it!”
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