Last Name
Funny Joke Posted on | April 20, 2009 | No Comments
My daughter called me at work to say I was to phone Ian at my bank. The operator asked me what Ian’s last name was and I explained that he hadn’t left his surname. When she asked for his department, I said I didn’t know. “There are 1500 employees in this building, ma’am,” she advised me rather curtly. After a few more brusque comments, I asked her for her name. “Danielle,” she said. “And your last name?” I asked.
“Sorry,” she replied, “we don’t give out last names.”
New Coffee
Funny Joke Posted on | April 19, 2009 | No Comments
Have you heard of the new coffee drink that’s sweeping the country? It’s called the Osama bin Latte.
You take a half cup of strong, black coffee
Add 2 double shots of bourbon
Mix in three squares of ex-lax
After consuming you will be bombed and run like hell.
See Back
Funny Joke Posted on | April 18, 2009 | No Comments
It was early morning at the military base, and the first sergeant was calling out names for the daily work parties listed on a piece of paper: “Ames” “Here!” “Jenson” “Here!” “Jones” “Here!” “Magersky” “Here!” “Seeback”
No answer.
“Seeback!”
No answer was heard again.
“SEEBACK!!!” The troops remained totally silent.
At that point, someone whispered into the first sergeant’s ear. He looked again at what the last name really said, quickly turned over the list and continued calling the names printed on the other side.
New Number
Funny Joke Posted on | April 17, 2009 | No Comments
The week I started a new job, my husband was out of town. On the day he was to return, I thought it would be fun if he picked me up at work and we could go out to dinner. I left a note on our dining-room table with my new number and this message: “For a good time, call 555-1234.”
When my husband failed to show up, I took the bus home. “Where were you?” I asked. “Didn’t you get my note?”
“Oh,” he replied with a sheepish grin, “I wasn’t sure who wrote it.”
Just Married
Funny Joke Posted on | April 16, 2009 | No Comments
It was a beautiful wedding, but the mother of the bride seemed to be taking it too hard. Right after the ceremony, an old friend came up to console her. “Don’t cry,” said the friend. “They say girls marry men like their fathers.”
“I’ve heard that too,” said the mother. “That’s why I’m crying!”
Don’t Forget to Tip
Funny Joke Posted on | April 15, 2009 | No Comments
Leaving a plush night club one evening, a miserly gentleman walked past the doorman without tipping him. Never the less, the doorman helped the man into a taxi with a flourish and said pleasantly, “By-the-way, in case you happen to lose your wallet on the way home, Sir, just remember that you didn’t pull it out here.”
Just Married
Funny Joke Posted on | April 14, 2009 | No Comments
A young woman was preparing for her wedding. She asked her mother to go out and buy a nice long black negligee and carefully place it in her suitcase so it would not wrinkle. Well, Mom forgot until the last minute. So she dashed out and could only find a short pink nighty. She bought it and threw it into the suitcase.
After the wedding the bride and groom enter their hotel room. The groom was a little self-conscious so he asked his new bride to change in the bathroom and promise not to peek while he got ready for bed. While she was in the bathroom, the bride opened her suitcase and saw the negligee her mother had thrown in there. She exclaimed, “Oh no! It’s short, pink, and wrinkled!”
Then her groom cried out, “I told you not to peek!”
Mistaken
Funny Joke Posted on | April 13, 2009 | No Comments
Each Friday night I drove my wife to the station for the train to Weimar, CA, so she could visit her sister who was ill. Ten minutes later, my sister arrived by train from Sacramento to manage our household over the weekend. On Sundays this procedure worked in reverse with my sister departing by train ten minutes before my wife arrived.
One evening after my sister left and while I awaited my wife’s arrival, a porter sauntered over.
“Mister,” he said, “you are sure some man! But one of these days you are goin’ to get caught!”
In a Hurry
Funny Joke Posted on | April 12, 2009 | No Comments
A little girl was asked what she wanted most for her birthday and she declared: “A baby brother.”
“Daddy and I would like to give you a baby brother,” said her mom, “but there isn’t time before your birthday.”
“Why don’t you do like they do down at Daddy’s factory when they want something in a hurry? Put more men on the job.”
Insurance Claim
Funny Joke Posted on | April 11, 2009 | No Comments
Our family took a ski trip, and I was knocked unconscious by the chairlift.
I called my insurance company from the hospital, but it refused to cover my injury.
“Why not?” I complained.
“You got hit in the head by a chairlift,” the insurance rep said. “That makes you a moron, and we consider that a pre-existing condition.”
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