Orthopedic Surgeon
Joke of the Day Posted on | March 12, 2009 | No Comments
The orthopedic surgeon I work for was moving to a new office, and his staff was helping transport many of the items. I sat the display skeleton in the front of my car, his bony arm across the back of my seat.
I hadn’t considered the drive across town. At one traffic light, the stares of the people in the car beside me became obvious, and I looked across and explained, “I’m delivering him to my doctor’s office.”
The other driver leaned out of his window. “I hate to tell you, lady,” he said, “but I think it’s too late!”
The little sexy housewife
Joke of the Day Posted on | March 11, 2009 | No Comments
The little sexy housewife was built so well the TV repairman couldn’t keep his eyes off of her. Every time she came in the room, he’d near about jerk his neck right out of joint looking at her.
When he’d finished she paid him and said, “I’m going to make a… well… unusual request. But you have to first promise me you’ll keep it a secret.”
The repairman quickly agreed and she went on. “Well, it’s kind of embarrassing to talk about, but while my husband is a kind, decent man — sigh — he has a certain physical weakness. A certain disability. Now, I’m a woman and you’re a man…”
The repairman could hardly speak, “Yes, yes!”
“And since I’ve been wanting to ever since you came in the door…”
“Yes, yes!”
“Would you help me move the refrigerator?”
She was overcome with an aching desire…
Joke of the Day Posted on | March 10, 2009 | 1 Comment
The woman entered the room, and with a knowing smile teasing her full lips, she sank into the comfort of the plush chair in the corner. The handsome stranger turned, having sensed her approach. Locking his steely gray eyes on hers, he moved slowly toward her, his experienced gaze measuring her, hypnotizing her with his soft murmurs of assurance.
He sank to his knees before her and without a word, smoothly released her from her constraining attire. With a sigh of surrender, she allowed his foreign hands to unleash her bare flesh. He expertly guided her through this tender, new territory, boldly taking her to heights she had never dared to dream of, his movements deliberate, confident in his ability to satisfy her every need.
Her senses swam. She was overcome with an aching desire that had gone unfulfilled for so long.
And, just as it seemed that ecstasy was within her grasp, he paused, and for one heart-stopping moment, she thought, “It’s too big! – it will never fit!” Then, with a sudden rush, it slid into place as if it had been made only for her. As pleasure and contentment washed over her, she met his steady gaze, tears of gratitude shining in her eyes. And he knew it wouldn’t be long before she returned. Oh, yes, this woman would want more. She would want to do it again and again and again…………
DON’T YA JUST LOVE SHOPPING FOR SHOES
Vacationed in Hawaii
Joke of the Day Posted on | March 9, 2009 | 2 Comments
For our 20th anniversary my husband and I vacationed in Hawaii, where we went snorkeling. After an hour in the water, everyone got back on the boat, except for me and one handsome young man. As I continued my underwater exploring, I noticed that everywhere I swam, he swam. I snorkeled for another 40 minutes. So did he.
I felt very flattered and, as I took off my fins, asked him coyly why he had stayed in the water for so long.
“I’m the lifeguard,” he replied matter-of-factly. “I couldn’t get out until you did.”
Little Johnny’s Dinner Story
Joke of the Day Posted on | March 8, 2009 | No Comments
Little Johnny sees his Daddy’s car passing the playground and going into the woods. Curious, he follows the car and sees Daddy and Aunt Jane kissing.
Johnny finds this so exciting and can barely contain himself as he runs home and starts to tell his mother excitedly.
“MOMMY, MOMMY, I WAS AT THE PLAYGROUND AND DADDY AND…”
Mommy tells him to slow down, but that she wants to hear the story.
So Johnny tells her. “I was at the playground and I saw Daddy’s car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went to look and Daddy was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt, then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane laid down on the seat, then Daddy…”
At this point, Mommy cut him off and said, “Johnny, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy’s face when you tell it tonight.”
At the dinner table, Mommy asks Johnny to tell his story. He describes the car into the woods, the undressing, laying down on the seat, and, “then Daddy and Aunt Jane did that same thing Mommy and Uncle Jeff used to do when Daddy was in the Army.”
Homesick
Joke of the Day Posted on | March 7, 2009 | 1 Comment
A trucker who has been out on the road for three weeks stops into a brothel outside Vegas. He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down $500 and says, “I want your ugliest woman and a bologna sandwich!!!”
The Madam is astonished. “But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my finest ladies and a three-course meal.”
The trucker replies, “Listen sweetheart, I ain’t horny, I’m homesick.”
Little Johnny
Joke of the Day Posted on | March 6, 2009 | No Comments
Little Johnny is visiting the zoo with his mother. They go to the elephant exhibit, where a big old bull elephant is taking a leak.
Johnny points to the pachyderm’s privates and says, “Mommy, what’s that?”
Mommy, seeing the huge member, turns bright red and says, “Oh, that’s nothing. Never mind. Come along now.”
A few weeks later, Johnny is at the zoo with his father. Johnny grabs his dad by the hand, and pulls him over the elephants, saying he has a question.
Once there, Johnny points to the elephant’s member and says, “Daddy, what’s that?”
Dad replies, “Didn’t your mother tell you?”
“Yes, she told me it was nothing.”
“Well, your mom is spoiled, son.”
Barmaid To Order
Joke of the Day Posted on | March 5, 2009 | No Comments
An eight-year-old kid swaggered into the lounge and demanded of the barmaid, “Give me a double Scotch on the rocks.”
“What do you want to do, get me in trouble?” the barmaid asked.
“Maybe later,” the kid said. “Right now, I just want the Scotch.”
Countdown To Destruction
Joke of the Day Posted on | March 4, 2009 | No Comments
On New Year’s Eve, a lady stood up at the local pub and said that it was time to get ready for the celebrations.
At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living.
Well, it was kind of embarrassing. The bartender was almost crushed to death.
Wonder Bra
Joke of the Day Posted on | March 3, 2009 | 1 Comment
Bill was standing in the lingerie store staring at a collection of Wonder Bras.
The clerk noticed he had been there for some time and that he appeared to be having trouble picking one out. She walked over and asked him if she could be of assistance.
Bill answered, “Well… if it’s a Wonder Bra, am I supposed to pick the size she is, or the size I want her to be?”
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