Changing Registry
Joke of the Day Posted on | March 22, 2009 | No Comments
A bride called to make a change to her wedding registry. It is common, almost expected, that a bride will change something on her registry at least once (dishes, color of towels, etc.). The Customer Service Representative told her that J.C. Penney would be happy to make the change. He asked if the bride wanted to change the dishes or the linens.
The bride said, “No, keep all that. I just wanted to change the name of the groom.”
Behind every successful man’s woman
Joke of the Day Posted on | March 21, 2009 | No Comments
A businessman was being interviewed about his life and career when the subject of his wife of thirty years came up.
“To what do you attribute the success of your marriage?” asked the interviewer.
“Well,” replied the businessman, “You know that saying ‘Behind every successful man there’s a woman’?”
“Yes.”
“Well, behind every successful man’s woman is a pre-nuptial agreement.”
Stranded
Joke of the Day Posted on | March 20, 2009 | No Comments
From a passenger ship, everyone can see a thin bearded man on a small island, shouting and desperately waving his hands.
“Who is it on that island?” a passenger asks the captain.
“I have no idea….. but every year when we pass, he goes nuts.”
Black Box in Four Wheels Drive
Joke of the Day Posted on | March 19, 2009 | No Comments
The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged they had covertly funded a project with the U.S. auto makers for the past five years, whereby the auto makers were installing black boxes in four wheel drive pick-up trucks in an effort to determine, in fatal accidents, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash.
They were surprised to find in 49 of the 50 states the last words of drivers in 61.2% of fatal crashes were, “Oh, Shit!” Only the state of Texas was different, where 89.3% of the final words were, “Hey Y’all, hold my beer and watch this!”
Beware of your Tie
Joke of the Day Posted on | March 18, 2009 | 1 Comment
Two elderly women were trying on shoes in our store. When I slipped a shoe onto one woman’s foot, the end of my tie got caught beneath her heel. Unaware of my predicament, she stood up and started toward the mirror. For a few seconds, I found myself crawling along the floor beside her, trying to get her attention.
“Look, Martha,” her friend said. “he wants to go home with you!”
Contraceptive Pills
Joke of the Day Posted on | March 17, 2009 | No Comments
The tired doctor was awakened by a phone call in the middle of the night.
“Please, you have to come right over,” pleaded the distraught young mother. “My child has swallowed a contraceptive.” The physician dressed quickly, but before he could get out the door, the phone rang again.
“You don’t have to come over after all,” the woman said with a sigh of relief. “My husband just found another one.”
Wires
Joke of the Day Posted on | March 16, 2009 | No Comments
Ford has added wires to the rear window to clear fog and frost.
Dodge is adding wires under the wipers so they can be freed when frozen and not burn up the motor.
But Chevy is adding the wire elements to the tailgates on all of their trucks to keeps your hands warm while you’re pushing!
Blood Donation
Joke of the Day Posted on | March 15, 2009 | No Comments
A friend and her husband were participating in a blood drive, and as part of the prescreening process, an elderly volunteer was asking some questions.
“Have you ever paid for sex?” the woman asked my friend’s husband sweetly.
Glancing wearily over at his wife who was trying to calm a new baby and tend to several other children milling around her, he sighed, “Every time.”
Enjoy Having Sex
Joke of the Day Posted on | March 14, 2009 | No Comments
David and his wife are in the bedroom one night and they have just finished having sex.
“Honey, did you enjoy the sex we just had?” asks David.
His wife replies, “Yes, David. Didn’t you hear me laughing?”
Mom
Joke of the Day Posted on | March 13, 2009 | No Comments
When I took my son to college, we found that he was assigned to the fourth floor of a dormitory. As I trudged through the parking lot to retrieve yet another load to carry up the four flights of stairs, two young women caught my attention from a dorm window. “Hey, Mom!” one called down. “Yo, Mom!”
I was too tired to respond, so I just ignored them until I heard the second girl ask the first, “How do you know that woman is somebody’s mom?”
The first girl replied, “Who else would do that?”
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