Developing a Drip
Joke of the Day Posted on | February 8, 2009 | 1 Comment
A ninety year old man lived in a rest home and got a weekend pass. He stopped in his favorite bar and sat at the end and ordered a drink. He noticed a seventy year old woman at the other end of the bar and he told the bartender to buy the lovely young lady a drink. As the evening progressed, the old man joined the lady and they went to her apartment, where they got it on.
Four days later, the old man noticed that he was developing a drip, and he headed for the rest home doctor. After careful examination the doctor asked the old man if he had engaged in sex recently.
The old man said, “Sure!”
The doctor asked if he could remember who the woman was and where she lived.
“Sure, why?”
“Well you’d better get over there, you’re about to cum!”
Lady Golfers
Joke of the Day Posted on | February 7, 2009 | No Comments
Two guys are trying to get in a quick eighteen holes, but there are two terrible lady golfers in front of them hitting the ball everywhere but where it’s supposed to go.
The first guy says, “Why don’t you go over and ask if we can play through?” The second guy gets about halfway there, turns and comes back.
The first guy says, “What’s wrong?”
He says, “One of them is my wife, and the other one is my mistress.”
The first guy says, “That could be a problem. I’ll go over.”
He gets about halfway there and he turns and comes back, too.
The second guy says, “What’s wrong?”
The first guy says, “Small world.”
Egging on Him
Joke of the Day Posted on | February 6, 2009 | No Comments
After the egg hunt on Easter Sunday, the young farm boy decided to play a prank. He went to the chicken coop and replaced every single egg with a brightly colored one.
A few minutes later the rooster walked in saw all the colored eggs, then stormed outside and killed the peacock.
Eternal Bloating
Joke of the Day Posted on | February 5, 2009 | No Comments
A dietitian was once addressing a large audience in Chicago.
“The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks erode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?”
A 75-year-old man in the front row stood up and said, “Wedding cake.”
Even In The End,… You’re Screwed!
Joke of the Day Posted on | February 4, 2009 | 1 Comment
A woman dies and goes to heaven. She is horrified to see another woman screaming in pain as St. Peter drills holes into her shoulders to fasten the wings.
Then she hears a man screaming and sees them drilling holes in his head to fasten the halo.
“Screw You!” she tells St. Peter.
“I’ll go to the other place.”
“You don’t want to go there,” he replies.
“They’ll rape and sodomize you down there.”
“I don’t care” she answers.
“At least I already have the holes for that!”
Fabulous Babe
Joke of the Day Posted on | February 3, 2009 | No Comments
A guy is hanging out in his favorite bar when he spots a fabulous babe walking in on the arm of some ugly man. He asks the bartender about her and is surprised to discover that she’s a prostitute. He watches her for the rest of the night amazed that someone so attractive could be available to him. The next night he goes back to the bar, and sure enough she shows up again, only this time … she’s alone. The guy gets up his nerve and approaches her. “Is it true you’re a prostitute?”
“Why, sure, big boy. What can I do for you?”
“Well, I dunno. What do you charge?”
“I get $100 just for a handjob. We can negotiate from there.”
“$100!! For a handjob? Are you nuts?”
“You see the Ferrari out there?” The guy looks out the front door, and sure enough there’s a shiny new Ferrari parked outside.
“I paid cash for that Ferrari with the money I made on handjobs. “Trust me, it’s worth it.”
The guy mulls it over for a while, and decides what the hell. He leaves with her, and gets the most unbelievable experience he’s ever had. This handjob was better than any complete sexual experience in his miserable life.
The next night he’s back at the bar, waiting eagerly for her to show up. When she does, he immediately approaches her. “Last night was incredible!”
“Of course it was. Just wait till you try one of my blowjobs.”
“How much is that?”
“$500″
“$500!! C’mon, that’s ridiculous!”
“You see that apartment building across the street?”
The guy looks out front at a 12 storey apartment building.”I paid cash for that building with the money I made on blowjobs. Trust me, it’s worth it.”
Based on the night before, the guy decides to go for it. He leaves with her, and once again is not disappointed. He nearly faints – twice. The next night he can hardly contain himself until she shows up.
“I’m hooked, you’re the best! Tell me, what’ll it cost me for some pussy?”
She motions for him to follow her outside. She points down the street, where between the buildings he can see Manhattan.
“You see that island?”
“Aw, c’mon! You cant mean that!”
She nods her head. “You bet. If I had a pussy, I’d own Manhattan!!”
Big Family
Joke of the Day Posted on | February 2, 2009 | 1 Comment
I come from a large family, five sisters and three brothers. My sisters and I were looking through the family photo album one day. Picture after picture, we were all dressed in matching clothes. I asked my mother why she dressed us all alike, right down to the baby.
She explained, “When we had just four children, I dressed you alike so we wouldn’t lose any of you. Then,” she added, looking at the pictures in the album, “When the other four came along, I started dressing you alike so we won’t pick up any that don’t belong to us.”
Bodybuilder
Joke of the Day Posted on | February 1, 2009 | No Comments
A huge bodybuilder meets a woman at a bar, and after a number of drinks, they agree to go back to his place. As they are making out in the bedroom, ready for the act, he stands up and starts to undress. After he takes his shirt off, he flexes his muscular arms and says,
“See there, baby? That’s 1000 pounds of dynamite!”
She begins to drool.
The man drops his pants, strikes a bodybuilder’s pose, and says, referring to his bulging legs,
“See those, baby? That’s 1000 pounds of dynamite!”
She is aching for action at this point. Finally, he drops his underpants, and she grabs her purse and runs screaming to the front door.
He catches her before she is able to run out the door, and asks,
“Why are you in such a hurry to leave?”
She replies, “With 2000 pounds of dynamite, and such a short fuse, I was afraid you were about to blow!”
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