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Looking For a Drummer

Joke of the Day Posted on | February 28, 2009 | No Comments

As a nightclub owner, I hired a pianist and a drummer to entertain my customers. After several performances, I discovered that the drummer had walked away with some of my valuables. I notified police, who arrested him.

Desperate for another drummer, I called a friend who knew some musicians. “What happened to the drummer you had?” he asked me.

“I had him arrested,” I replied. We said good-bye and hung up.

A few minutes later my friend called back and asked, “How badly did he play?”

A Great Time

Joke of the Day Posted on | February 27, 2009 | 1 Comment

The boyfriend said, “We’re going to have a GREAT time Saturday. I’ve got three tickets for the show.”

“Why do we need three?” asked the girl.

“They’re for your father, mother and kid sister,” he replied.

An Amateur Photographer

Joke of the Day Posted on | February 26, 2009 | No Comments

An amateur photographer was invited to dinner with friends and took along a few pictures to show the hostess. She looked at the photos and commented “These are very good! You must have a good camera.”

He didn’t make any comment, but, as he was leaving to go home he said “That was a really delicious meal! You must have some very good pots.”

65-year-old man

Joke of the Day Posted on | February 25, 2009 | No Comments

An enormously wealthy 65-year-old man falls in love with a young woman in her twenties and is contemplating a proposal.

“Do you think she’d marry me if I tell her I’m 45?” he asked a friend.

“Your chances are better,” said the friend, “if you tell her you’re 90.”

Motorcycle Patrolman

Joke of the Day Posted on | February 24, 2009 | No Comments

A motorcycle patrolman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix.

The doctors operated and advised him that all was well. However, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs on his chest. Worried that it might be second surgery the doctors hadn’t told him about, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown down enough so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable.

Taped firmly across his hairy chest were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the kind that doesn’t come off. Written in large black letters was the sentence. ” Get well quick….. from the nurse you gave a ticket to last week.”

Dr. Jones

Joke of the Day Posted on | February 23, 2009 | No Comments

Dr. Jones was very tired so he got his wife to answer the phone by the bed, say he was out, and give advice which he whispered to her.

“Thank you very much, Mrs. Jones.” said the patient who called, “but I should like to ask you one thing. Is that gentleman who seems to be in bed with you fully qualified?”

Two Man

Joke of the Day Posted on | February 22, 2009 | No Comments

Two men are approaching each other on a sidewalk. Both are dragging their right foot as they walk.

As they meet, one man looks at the other knowingly, points to his foot and says, “Vietnam, 1969.”

The other points his thumb behind him and says, “Dog doo, 20 feet back.”

Paper Thin Wall

Joke of the Day Posted on | February 21, 2009 | No Comments

As a young married couple, a husband and a wife lived in a cheap housing complex near the base where he was working.

Their chief complaint was that the walls were paper-thin and that they had no privacy. This was painfully obvious when one morning the husband was upstairs and the wife was downstairs on the telephone. She was interrupted by the doorbell and went to greet her neighbor.

“Give this to your husband,” he said thrusting a roll of toilet paper into her hands. “He’s been yelling for it for 15 minutes!”

Epidural

Joke of the Day Posted on | February 20, 2009 | No Comments

When I was pregnant with my second child, I was certain that I wanted an epidural for pain management during childbirth. My doctor asked me at which stage of labor did I want the epidural administered.

I responded: “Just meet me in the parking lot!”

Rambling Rose

Joke of the Day Posted on | February 19, 2009 | No Comments

A man took a lady out to dinner for the first time. Later they went on to a show. The evening was a huge success and as he dropped her at her door he said, “I have had a lovely time. You looked so beautiful, you remind me of a beautiful rambling rose. May I call on you tomorrow?”

She agreed and a date was made. The next night he knocked on her door and when she opened it, she slapped him hard across the face. He was stunned.

“What was that for?” he asked.

She said, “I looked up rambling rose in the encyclopedia last night and it said, ‘Not well suited to bedding, but is excellent for rooting up against a garden wall’.”

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