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Ugly Frog

Joke of the Day Posted on | January 21, 2009 | No Comments

A princess is walking along a pond in the royal gardens when she looks down and sees a really ugly frog. Picking the frog up, she comments on the creature’s rather hideous appearance.

Princess: “My, but you are really an ugly frog!”

Frog: “I know, I know, I got a really bad spell on me.”

Princess: “Well I’ve seen frogs with spells but, none as ugly as you.”

Frog: “Look, leave me alone my dear. I told you, it’s a really bad spell.”

Princess: “Well even so, if I kiss you will you turn into a prince?”

Frog: “I don’t know dear, a spell this bad will probably take a blow job.”

We Know Your Password!

Joke of the Day Posted on | January 20, 2009 | No Comments

A guy was typing away at his home computer, when his six- year-old daughter sneaked up behind him.

Suddenly, she turned and ran into the kitchen, squealing to the rest of the family, “I know Daddy’s password! I know Daddy’s password!”

“What is it?” her sisters asked eagerly.

Proudly she replied, “Asterisk, asterisk, asterisk, asterisk, asterisk!”

Brain Food

Joke of the Day Posted on | January 19, 2009 | 1 Comment

A customer at Green’s Gourmet Grocery marveled at the proprietor’s quick wit and intelligence.

“Tell me, Green, what makes you so smart?”

“I wouldn’t share my secret with just anyone,” Green replies, lowering his voice so the other shoppers won’t hear. “But since you’re a good and faithful customer, I’ll let you in on it. Fish heads. You eat enough of them, you’ll be positively brilliant.”

“You sell them here?” the customer asks.

“Only $4 apiece,” says Morris.

The customer buys three. A week later, he’s back in the store complaining that the fish heads were disgusting and he isn’t any smarter.

“You didn’t eat enough, ” says Green. The customer goes home with 20 more fish heads. Two weeks later, he’s back and this time he’s really angry.

“Hey, Green,” he says, “You’re selling me fish heads for $4 a piece when I just found out I can buy the whole fish for $2. You’re ripping me off!”

“You see?” says Morris. “You’re smarter already.”

Man-Making Contest

Joke of the Day Posted on | January 18, 2009 | No Comments

One day a group of scientists got together and decided that man had come a long way and no longer needed God. They picked one scientist to go and tell Him that they were done with Him. The scientist walked up to God and said, “God, we’ve decided that we no longer need you. We’re to the point that we can clone people and do many miraculous things, so why don’t you just go on and get lost.”

God listened patiently to the man and after the scientist was done talking, God said, “Very well! How about this? Let’s have a man-making contest.”

The man replied, “Okay, great!”

But God added, “Now we’re going to do this just like I did back in the old days with Adam.”

The scientist said, “Sure, no problem.” He bent down and grabbed himself a handful of dirt.

God just looked at him and said, “No, no, no. Go get your own dirt!”

Before and After Marriage

Joke of the Day Posted on | January 17, 2009 | No Comments

Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the “y” becomes silent.

Lost Wife

Joke of the Day Posted on | January 16, 2009 | No Comments

The man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked, “You know, I have lost my wife here in this supermarket.
Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?”
“Why?” the woman asked.
“Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of nowhere.”

Hold hands

Joke of the Day Posted on | January 15, 2009 | No Comments

We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

Never Married

Joke of the Day Posted on | January 14, 2009 | No Comments

“I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night.”

Obedient to Mother

Joke of the Day Posted on | January 13, 2009 | No Comments

One day a father called his 6 children together and asked, “Now tell me, who has been most obedient during last week and did everything mother asked?”
In one voice they all replied, “You, Daddy!”

Proposed

Joke of the Day Posted on | January 12, 2009 | No Comments

A young lady came home from a date, rather sad.

She told her mother, “Jeff proposed to me an hour ago.”

“Then why are you so sad?” her mother asked.

“Because he also told me he was an atheist.

Mom, he doesn`t even believe there`s a hell.”

Her mother replied, “Marry him anyway.

Between the two of us, we`ll show him how wrong he is.”

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