Millionaire’s House
Joke of the Day Posted on | November 10, 2008 | No Comments
I recently paid a visit to a millionaire’s house, and ended up not having anything to drink despite the offer.
Below is how the offer was made to me:
Question: “What would you like to have….. Fruit juice, Soda, Tea,
Chocolate, Milo, or Coffee?”
Answer: “Tea please”
Question: “Ceylontea, Herbal tea, Bush tea, Honey bush tea, Ice tea or green tea?”
Answer: “Ceylontea”
Question: “How would you like it? Black or white?”
Answer: “White”
Question: “Milk, Whitener, or Condensed milk?”
Answer: “With milk.”
Question: “Goat milk, Camel milk or cow milk”
Answer: “With cow milk please.”
Question: “Milk from Freezeland cow or Afrikaner cow?”
Answer: “Uhmm? I will take it black.”
Question: “Would you like it with sweetener, sugar or honey?”
Answer: “With sugar”
Question:” Beet sugar or cane sugar?”
Answer: “Cane sugar”
Question:” White, brown or yellow sugar?”
Answer: “Wow! Forget about tea just give me a glass of water instead.”
Question: “Mineral water or still water?”
Answer: “Mineral water”
Question: “Flavored or non-flavored?”
Answer: “Gee! I give up…. just forget about everything.”
African Safari
Joke of the Day Posted on | November 9, 2008 | No Comments
On an African Safari, the native guide was asked how to keep from being attacked by wild animals at night.
“Just carry a lighted torch. ” He suggested.
“Does that really work?” the questioner persisted.
“It depends” said the guide, “On how fast you carry it.”
Dumb Crime Story
Joke of the Day Posted on | November 8, 2008 | No Comments
“My friend’s grandmother was taking a walk when a big tough guy walked by and ripped off her fake gold chain. As he run away with it she reacted ripping off his chain, which was made of real gold.”
Most Toughtful and Touching Thing
Joke of the Day Posted on | November 7, 2008 | 1 Comment
A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral
procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.
His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.
The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married for 35 years.”
Rug Burned
Joke of the Day Posted on | November 6, 2008 | No Comments
A carpet layer had just finished installing carpet for a lady. He stepped out for a smoke, only to realize that he had lost his cigarettes.
In the middle of the room, under the carpet, was a bump. “No sense pulling up the entire floor for one pack of smokes,” he said to himself. He got out his hammer and flattened the hump.
As he was cleaning up, the lady came in.
“Here,” she said, handing him his pack of cigarettes. “I found them in the hallway.”
“Now,” she said, “if only I could find my parakeet.”
After Love Making Session
Joke of the Day Posted on | November 5, 2008 | No Comments
Q. What does a woman say to a man who she has just had sex with?
A. She can say whatever she wants… he’s asleep.
Phone Bill
Joke of the Day Posted on | November 4, 2008 | No Comments
The phone bill was exceptionally high and the man of the house called a family meeting.
Dad: People, this is unacceptable. You have to limit the use of the phone. I do not use this phone, I use the one at the office.
Mum: Same here, I hardly use this home telephone as I use my work telephone
Son: Me too, I never use the home phone. I always use my company’s mobile
Maid: So what is the problem? We all use our work telephones.
Most Embarrassing Moment
Joke of the Day Posted on | November 3, 2008 | No Comments
One of the funniest “most-embarrassing-moment” stories I’ve come upon in a long time was about a lady who picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally got up to the checker, she learned that one of her items had no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for all the store to hear, “PRICE CHECK ON LANE 13, TAMPAX, SUPERSIZE.” That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word tampax” for “THUMBTACKS.” In a business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom. “DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER???”
Missing Hose
Joke of the Day Posted on | November 2, 2008 | No Comments
When I was a senior in High School, my girlfriend and I went to a formal dance in a nearby town. As it turned out the dance was a dud and we left before it was over. We ended up at the local drive-in with the first movie over half finished. We got to messing around in the car and ended up doing the “nasty” right then.
I asked her if she would like something to drink since I was horribly thirsty. I put my sports jacket on and went to the concession stand. It was like a small cafeteria with a rail to support the tray all the way to the cash register.
There were a few people waiting for shrimp dinners or French fries. As I waited another customer came in behind me, also waiting. He started giggling. I thought something funny was going on with the show and looked out the front window of the concession stand to see nothing of humor.
As we moved up this guy really started laughing and as we got close to the register he was down on the rails with his face down banging the rails with his fist. Not knowing the guy I still had to ask what the deal was? He couldn’t talk and tears were streaming down his face as he stood up and just pointed at my backside.
I was trailing a complete pair of pantyhose with one foot caught in the back of my pants! I quickly stuffed them into my pocket and paid for the drinks and hurried back to the car.
My girlfriend had trashed the car looking for the missing hose. Thinking it unwise to go home without them. I wonder what would have happened if it had been intermission and the place was full of witnesses?
Elephant and Camel
Joke of the Day Posted on | November 1, 2008 | No Comments
One day an elephant met a camel. Elephant asked, “Why your neh neh (Breast) grow at
your back?” Camel angry, said, “Why don’t you ask yourself why your “ku ku
jiao” (Penis) grow on your face?”
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