Joke of the Day : Joke Diary

Joke of the Day For Everybody

Responsible Employee

Joke of the Day Posted on | September 19, 2008 | No Comments

Employer to applicant: “In this job we need someone who is responsible.”

Applicant: “I’m the one you want. On my last job, every time anything went wrong, they said I was responsible.”

Potential Employee’s Application

Joke of the Day Posted on | September 18, 2008 | No Comments

A Manager of a retail clothing store is reviewing a potential employee’s application and notices that the man has never worked in retail before. He says to the man, “For a man with no experience, you are certainly asking for a high wage.”

“Well Sir,” the applicant replies, “the work is so much harder when you don’t know what you’re doing!”

An Artist

Joke of the Day Posted on | September 17, 2008 | No Comments

An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time.

“I have good news and bad news,” the owner replied. “The good news is that a gentleman enquirer about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings.”

“That’s wonderful,” the artist exclaimed. “What’s the bad news?”
“The guy was your doctor…”

A Rooster and A Cat

Joke of the Day Posted on | September 16, 2008 | No Comments

A rooster is walking along one day when he comes to a riverbank with a big bag of cat food beside it. Uninterested in the bag, he looks over to the other side and sees a huge bag of chicken feed which instantly makes his mouth water. Beside the bag of feed is a small cat that is hungrily eyeing the cat food on his side.

The two look at each other and wonder what to do. The rooster says, “I know, if we run & jump high enough we should be able to make it to the other side.”

The cat responds “OK, let’s give it a try”

The rooster heads back about 15 feet, makes a run for it and jumps as high as he can. He flaps his wings like crazy and just makes it to the the bag and starts devouring the chicken feed.

The cat, now more motivated than ever, heads back about 20 feet and makes a run for it. He jumps, and SPLASH! He lands right in the middle of the river.

The Moral of the Story:
For every satisfied cock, there’s a wet pussy!

Are You Kidding?

Joke of the Day Posted on | September 15, 2008 | No Comments

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked a young engineer who was fresh out of MIT, “What starting salary were you thinking about?” The Engineer said, “In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.” The interviewer said, “Well, what would you say to a package of 5 weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years – say, a red Corvette?” The Engineer sat up straight and said, “Wow! Are you kidding?” The interviewer replied, “Yeah, but you started it.”

Biggest Lie

Joke of the Day Posted on | September 14, 2008 | No Comments

Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room The teacher says, “Why are you arguing?”

One boy answers, “We found a ten dollar bill and decided to give it to the person who tells the biggest lie.”

“You should be ashamed of yourselves,” said the teacher, “When I was your age, I didn’t even know what a lie was.”

The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.

Unhappy Woman

Joke of the Day Posted on | September 13, 2008 | 1 Comment

Two church members were going door to door, and knocked on the door of a woman who was not happy to see them. She told them in no uncertain terms that she did not want to hear their message and slammed the door in their faces. To her surprise, however, the door did not close and, in fact, bounced back open. She tried again, really put her back into it, and slammed the door again with the same result-the door bounced back open.

Convinced these rude young people were sticking their foot in the door,she reared back to give it a slam that would teach them a lesson, when one of them said: “Ma’am, before you do that again you need to move your cat.”

Witty Teeth

Joke of the Day Posted on | September 12, 2008 | No Comments

A woman phoned her dentist when she received a huge bill. “I’m shocked!” she complained. “This is three times what you normally charge.”

“Yes, I know,” said the dentist. “But you yelled so loud, you scared away two other patients.”

New House

Joke of the Day Posted on | September 11, 2008 | No Comments

A couple just got a new house. The husband turned to his wife and asked her to go to the hardware store and get a door hinge for him. She kindly agreed and left. When she got to the hardware store, got the hinge, and put it on the counter in fornt of the clerk. He noticed that she didn’t have any screws for it, so he asked her “Do you want a screw for that hinge?”

She looked back at him and said “No, but I’ll blow you for that toaster in the window.”

Jill

Joke of the Day Posted on | September 10, 2008 | No Comments

So this new bar opens and the owner cant think of a name. So he decides to name the bar after the 3rd person who walks in. It takes dosent take long and soon the 3rd customer walks in.
The owner jumps up and walks over to the girl. ?Youre the 3rd person to enter my bar and I”m going to name it after you.?

?Okay,? she says, ?my name is Jill.?

The owner looks her over and says, ?I like your legs so I”m going to name the bar “Jills Legs”?

The next day a bum is sitting outside the bar and a cop askes him what hes doing. He answers, ?Waiting for Jills Legs to open so I can get a drink!?

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