Joke of the Day : Joke Diary

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Always on Call

Joke of the Day Posted on | April 20, 2008 | 2 Comments

A doctor answers his phone and hears the familiar voice of a colleague on the other end of the line.

‘We need a fourth for poker,’ said the friend.

‘I’ll be right over,’ whispered the doctor.

As he was putting on his coat, his wife asked, ‘Is it serious?’

‘Oh yes, quite serious,’ said the doctor gravely. ‘In fact, there are three doctors there already!’

Robbed

Joke of the Day Posted on | April 19, 2008 | No Comments

Two guys are walking down the street when a mugger approaches them and demands their money. They both grudgingly pull out their wallets and begin taking out their cash. Just then one guy turns to the other and hands him a bill. “Here’s that $20 I owe you,” he says

Should have glasses

Joke of the Day Posted on | April 18, 2008 | No Comments

A policeman stops a lady and asks for her license. He says “Lady, it says here that you should be wearing glasses.”

The woman answered “Well, I have contacts.”

The policeman replied “I don’t care who you know! You’re getting a ticket!”

Rookie is on the job

Joke of the Day Posted on | April 17, 2008 | No Comments

A rookie police officer was out for his first ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call came in telling them to disperse some people who were loitering.

The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on a corner.

The rookie rolled down his window and said, “Let’s get off the corner people.”

A few glances, but no one moved, so he barked again, “Let’s get off that corner… NOW!”

Intimidated, the group of people began to leave, casting puzzled stares in his direction.

Proud of his first official act, the young policeman turned to his partner and asked, “Well, how did I do?”

Pretty good,” chuckled the vet, “especially since this is a bus stop.”

10 MOST WANTED

Joke of the Day Posted on | April 16, 2008 | No Comments

An elementary school class goes on a field trip to the police station. The Officer points to the 10 MOST WANTED list and tells them that these are the most wanted fugitives in the USA. Little Boy says ” He is the MOST WANTED in the USA?!” Officer says “Yes.” Little Boy asks “Why didn’t you keep him when you took his picture.

The LAPD, FBI and CIA

Joke of the Day Posted on | April 15, 2008 | No Comments

The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.

The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: “Okay! Okay! I’m a rabbit! I’m a rabbit!”

Cast Away

Joke of the Day Posted on | April 14, 2008 | No Comments

From a passenger ship, everyone can see a bearded man on a small island, who is shouting and desperately waving his hands.

“Who is that man and why is he so upset?” a passenger asks the captain.

“I’ve no idea, but every year when we pass by, he goes nuts.”

Pennies from Heaven

Joke of the Day Posted on | April 13, 2008 | No Comments

Little Jimmy was lying on a hillock in the middle of a meadow on a warm spring day. Puffy white clouds rolled by and he pondered their shape. Soon, he began to think about God. “God? Are you really there?” Jimmy said out loud. To his astonishment a voice came from the clouds.

“Yes, Jimmy? What can I do for you?”

Seizing the opportunity, Jimmy asked, “God? What is a million years like to you?”

Knowing that Jimmy could not understand the concept of infinity, God responded in a manner to which Jimmy could relate, “A million years to me, Jimmy, is like a minute.”

“Oh,” said Jimmy. “Well, then, what’s a million dollars like to you?”

“A million dollars to me, Jimmy, is like a penny.”

“Wow!” remarked Jimmy, getting an idea. “You’re so generous, can I have one of your pennies?”

God replied, “Sure thing, Jimmy! Just a minute.”

FBI

Joke of the Day Posted on | April 13, 2008 | No Comments

The phone rings at FBI headquarters.
“Hello?”
“Hello, is this the FBI?”
“Yes. What do you want?”
“I’m calling to report my neighbor Adrian Thibodeaux! He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood.”
“Thank you very much for the call, sir.”
The next day, the FBI agents descend on Thibodeaux’s house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swear at Thibodeaux and leave.
The phone rings at Thibodeaux’s house.
“Hey, Adrian! Did the FBI come?”
“Yeah!”
“Did they chop your firewood?”
“Yep”
“Great, now it’s your turn to call. I need my garden plowed.”

Nurse

Joke of the Day Posted on | April 12, 2008 | No Comments

The nurse was walking down the hospital corridor when her supervisor spotted her. The supervisor couldn’t believe it:

The nurse’s hair was unkempt, her dress wrinkled, and to top off her overall dishevelment, one of her breasts was hanging out of the open front of her uniform!

“MISS JENNINGS! How can you account for parading around the hospital not only looking like a derelict, but with your breast exposed!”

“Oh,” said the nurse, as she stuffed her breast into her uniform, “It’s those darn interns! They NEVER put anything back when they’re through using it!”

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