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Nudist Colony

Joke of the Day Posted on | February 29, 2008 | 2 Comments

An elderly man decides to join a nudist colony. He asks if he can just wander around the grounds to decide if he really wants to join.

He strips and goes for a walk. After a while the man becomes tired and sits on a bench to relax. Along comes a beautiful woman and the sight of her causes the old man to become excited. The woman, noticing the man’s erection due to her presence, goes over and satisfies him by performing oral sex on him.

The man is thrilled. He hurries back to the office and tells them he wants to join immediately and pays his dues.

The old man lights up a cigar and goes out for another walk. While walking, he drops his cigar and bends over to pick it up. A young man sees the old man bent over and goes over and performs anal sex on the old man.

The elderly gentleman hurries back to the office to cancel his membership.

“But why,” asks the person at the desk, “you just said this was one of the greatest places you ever visited.”

“Yes,” replies the old man, “but at my age I only get an erection once every three months, but I drop my cigar five times a day.”

VD Chain

Joke of the Day Posted on | February 28, 2008 | No Comments

“Doc, I think my son has VD,” a patient told his urologist on the phone. “The only woman he’s screwed is our maid.”

“Okay, don’t be hard on him. He’s just a kid,” the medic soothed. “Get him in here right away and I’ll take care of him.”

“But I’ve been screwing the maid too, and I’ve got the same symptoms he has.”

“Then you come in with him and I’ll fix you both up,” replied the doctor.

“Well,” the man admitted, “I think my wife has it too.”

“Oh crap!” the physician roared. “That means we’ve all got it!”

What’s Wrong

Joke of the Day Posted on | February 27, 2008 | No Comments

The man told his doctor he wasn’t able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said.

“Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what’s wrong with me.”

“Well, in plain English,” the doctor replied, “You’re just a plain old lazy fart.”

“Thank You.” said the man. “Now give me the medical term, so I can tell my wife!”

Tell A Lie

Joke of the Day Posted on | February 26, 2008 | No Comments

I met my 6-year-old son at the bus one day after I’d gotten a new haircut. Although it felt great, my new look had the effect of making my already substantial nose seem even more prominent. The next morning I awoke to Julian softly running his fingers across my face, clearly deep in thought. “Mom,” he asked seriously, “did you tell a lie?”

A Little Good Night Kiss

Joke of the Day Posted on | February 25, 2008 | No Comments

All Bill asked for was a little good-night kiss, but Anne haughtily rebuffed him with, “I don’t do that sort of thing on my first date!”

“Well,” Bill replied with sarcasm, “how about on your last date?”

Two Italian Men

Joke of the Day Posted on | February 24, 2008 | No Comments

A bus stopped and two Italian men got on. They sat down together and engaged in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignored them at first, but her attention was galvanized when she heard one of the men become graphic.

“Emma come first. Denna I come. Two asses, they come together. I come again. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come once-a more.”

“You foul-mouthed swine,” said the lady indignantly. “In this country we don’t talk about our sex lives in public!”

“Hey, coola down lady,” said the man. “Imma justa tellun my friend howa to spella Mississippi.”

Hot as 50 years ago

Joke of the Day Posted on | February 23, 2008 | No Comments

There was this couple who had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the old gentleman said to his wife, “Just think, honey, we’ve been married for 50 years.”

“Yeah,” she replied, “Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together.”

“I know,” the old man said, “We were probably sitting here naked as jaybirds fifty years ago.”

“Well,” Granny snickered, “What do you say…….. Should we get naked?”

And they stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.

“You know, honey,” the little old lady breathlessly replied, “My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago!”

“I wouldn’t be surprised,” replied Gramps. “One is in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal!!!”

What you wanted when your grew up?

Joke of the Day Posted on | February 22, 2008 | No Comments

The teacher asked her class what each wanted to become when they grew up. A chorus of responses came from all over the room.

“A football player,” said Jim.

“A doctor,” said Alfred.

“An astronaut,” said Suzy.

“The president,” said little Al. (Everyone laughed).

“A fireman,” said Fred.

“A teacher,” said Lisa.

“A race car driver.” said Mario.

Everyone that is, except Tommy.

The teacher noticed he was sitting there quiet and still. So she said to him, “Tommy, what do you want to be when you grow up?”

“Possible.” Tommy replied.

“Possible?” asked the teacher.

“Yes,” Tommy said. “My mom is always telling me I’m impossible. So when I get to be big, I want to be possible.”

Dashed to The Elevator

Joke of the Day Posted on | February 21, 2008 | No Comments

One day I dashed to the elevator swinging my arms. As I entered, I swung my hand around and accidentally cupped a male co-worker’s crotch. “Next time,” he said, “why don’t you take me out for dinner and a movie first?”

What am I supposed to do with this?

Joke of the Day Posted on | February 20, 2008 | No Comments

“What am I supposed to do with this?”, grumbled a motorist as the policeman handed him a speeding ticket.

“Keep it,” the cop said, “when you collect four of them you get a bicycle.”

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