Joke of the Day : Joke Diary

Joke of the Day For Everybody

The Actual Headline

Joke of the Day Posted on | January 31, 2008 | No Comments

Linda Burnett, 23, was visiting her in laws, and while there went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head.

One customer who had been at the store for a while became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Linda’s eyes were now open, and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she’d been shot in the back of the head, and had been holding her brains in for over an hour.

The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head. When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head.

A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered and tried to hold her brains in for over an hour until someone noticed and came to her aid.

And, yes, Linda is a blonde.

Joe’s Date

Joke of the Day Posted on | January 30, 2008 | No Comments

Joe met a nice girl who worked for at carnival. They quickly became attracted to each other, and she invited Joe to her house.

When he got there, he noticed a few strange things. First, he noticed that her hallway was filled with those “funny mirrors” that make you look tall and skinny, or short and fat.

He also noticed that her bedroom had many shelves of fluffy toys.

That was the last thing he noticed before she threw him on the bed. He screwed the ever-lovin’ daylights out of her, and when he was done, he asked, “So,… how was it?”

And she said, “You can have anything from the bottom shelf, unless you want to try again and win something from the middle shelf!”

Ferrari in a Garage

Joke of the Day Posted on | January 29, 2008 | 1 Comment

One fine sunny day, Johnny and Susie were sitting on the sandbox playing, naked.
Johnny and Susie was curious, why they have different *parts*.
So, Johnny went home, and asked :
” MUM! Why does Susie have a hole and I have a stick??”
His mum replies : ” Susie has a garage, and you have a Ferrari. Men park their cars in the garage when they are ready. “
” Oh… “
Susie reached her house and asked her father:
” Papa, why does Johnny have a stick between his legs and I have a hole? “
” No, Susie, that is the Ferrari! Don’t let him park his Ferrari in your garage! “
“Oka…y…y”
The next day, both of them were on the sandbox again, playing naked.
Johnny exclaimed : ” Oh, Susie ,let me park my Ferrari! “
Susie replied : No! “
He insisted and even tried to park his Ferrari.
And after 10 minutes Susie went home.
” SUSIE! Why are there bloods on your hands! “
” Mom, Johnny tried to park his Ferrari, so I just pulled the back wheels off. “

Contributed By – Sharonn Gwee

What Does a Vagina Look Like?

Joke of the Day Posted on | January 28, 2008 | No Comments

Son:”Daddy, what does a vagina look like?”

Father:”Well son, it’s like a very pretty, delicate flower that must be plucked very gently.”

Son: “Well what does it look like after you pluck it?”

Father: “Like a bulldog with a mouthful of mayonnaise.”

Great Bar

Joke of the Day Posted on | January 27, 2008 | No Comments

An Irishman, an Italian, and a Polish guy are in a bar. They are having a good time and all agree that the bar is a nice place.

Then the Irishman says, “Aye, this is a nice bar, but where I come from, back in Dublin, there’s a better one. At MacDougal’s, you buy a drink, you buy another drink, and MacDougal himself will buy your third drink!”

The others agree that sounds like a nice place.

Then the Italian says, “Yeah, that’s a nice bar, but where I come from, there’s a better one. Over in Brooklyn, there’s this place, Vinny’s. At Vinny’s, you buy a drink, Vinny buys you a drink. You buy anudda drink, Vinny buys you anudda drink.”

Everyone agrees that sounds like a great bar.

Then the Polish guy says, “You think that’s great? Where I come from, there’s this place called Warshowski’s. At Warshowski’s, they buy you your first drink, they buy you your second drink, they buy you your third drink, and then, they take you in the back and get you laid!”

“Wow!” say the other two. “That’s fantastic! Did that actually happen to you?”

“No,” replies the Polish guy, “but it happened to my sister!”

Foreman

Joke of the Day Posted on | January 26, 2008 | No Comments

One day, Uncle Joe got fired from his construction job. His nephew asked him what happened.

“You know what a foreman is?” he asked. “The one who stands around and watches the other men work?”

“What’s that got to do with it?” he asked.

“Well, he just got jealous of me,” Uncle Joe explained. “Everyone thought I was the foreman.”

All I wanted in a girl

Joke of the Day Posted on | January 25, 2008 | No Comments

When I was 14, all I wanted was a girl with big tits.

When I was 16, I dated a girl with big tits, but there was no passion. So I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life.

In college, I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with some stability.

When I was 25, I found a very stable girl, but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided I needed a girl with some excitement.

When I was 28, I found an exciting girl, but I couldn’t keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad, impetuous things and flirted with everyone she met. She made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some ambition.

When I turned 31, I found a smart, ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground and married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned.

Now I am 42, and all I want is a girl with big tits.

Circulation of The Blood

Joke of the Day Posted on | January 24, 2008 | No Comments

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, he said, “Now, boys, if I stood on my head the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I should turn red in the face.”

“Yes, sir,” the boys said.

“Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn’t run into my feet?” A little fellow at the back shouted, “Cause yer feet ain’t empty.”

Rear Ended

Joke of the Day Posted on | January 23, 2008 | No Comments

A gay couple is driving along one afternoon, and while stopped at a stop sign, they are rear ended by a big semi. Furiously, the guy in the passenger side throws his purse on the seat, gets out of the car, goes back to the truck and starts banging on the door.

The truck driver opens the door and the gay guy, standing there with his hands on his hips, says, “I’m gonna sue your ass, Buddy!”

The truck driver, laughs and says, “Suck my dick!”

The gay guy stands there for a second, then his eyes get really big and his face lights up. He runs back to the car, and says excitedly to his lover, “You won’t believe it, he wants to settle out of court!”

Walls of Jericho

Joke of the Day Posted on | January 22, 2008 | 1 Comment

A church school supervisor asked little Johnny during Bible class who broke down the walls of Jericho. Little Johnny said, “I don’t know, but it sure wasn’t me!”

The supervisor, taken aback by this lack of basic Bible knowledge, went to the school principal and related the whole incident.

The principal said, “Look, I know little Johnny and his entire family very well and can vouch for them. If little Johnny said that he did not do it, then I believe that it is the truth.”

Even more appalled with the principals lack of Bible knowledge, the inspector went to the regional Head of Education and related the whole story.

After listening to the supervisor’s story, he said, “I can’t see why you are making such a big deal out of this; we’ll get three quotations and get the darn wall fixed.”

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