The LeRoy Brothers
Joke of the Day Posted on | December 11, 2007 | No Comments
A woman went down to the Welfare Office to get aid. The office worker asked her, “How many children do you have?”
“Ten,” she replied.
“What are their names?” he asked.
“LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, and LeRoy,” she answered.
“They’re all named LeRoy?” he asked “What if you want them to come in from playing outside?”
“Oh, that’s easy,” she said. “I just call ‘LeRoy,’ and they all come running in.”
“And, if you want them to come to the table for dinner?”
“I just say, ‘LeRoy, come eat your dinner’,” she answered.
“But what if you just want ONE of them to do something?” he asked.
“Oh, that’s easy,” she said. “I just use their last name!”
An American Holiday
Joke of the Day Posted on | December 10, 2007 | No Comments
Osama bin Laden, severely injured in an American attack, is in a US Army medical facility, when he asks the attending doctor, “Doc, when will I die?”
“Unsure of the exact time of death,” his Western doctor says. “But you will die on an American holiday.”
“How do you know it will be on an American holiday?” asks the terrorist.
“Oh,” said the doctor, “Any day that you die will be an American holiday.”
Fishing License
Joke of the Day Posted on | December 9, 2007 | 1 Comment
A couple of boys were fishing at their special pond off the beaten track. All of a sudden, the Game Warden jumped out of the bushes. Immediately, one of the boys threw his rod down and started running through the woods like a bat out of hell. The Game Warden was hot on his heels.
After about a half mile, the boy stopped and stooped over with his hands on his thighs to catch his breath, so the Game Warden finally caught up to him. “Let’s see yer fishin’ license, little man!” the Warden gasped.
With that, the boy pulled out his wallet and gave the Game Warden a valid fishing license.
“Well, son,” said the Game Warden, “you must be about as dumb as a box of rocks! You don’t have to run from me if you have a valid license!”
“Yes, sir,” replied the boy, “but my friend back there, well, he don’t have one.”
One Kiss Per Yard
Joke of the Day Posted on | December 8, 2007 | No Comments
Walking up to a department store’s fabric counter, a pretty girl asked, “I want to buy this material for a new dress.How much does it cost?”
“Only one kiss per yard,” replied the smirking male clerk.
“That’s fine,” replied the girl. “I’ll take ten yards.”
With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk hurriedly measured out and wrapped the cloth, then held it out teasingly.
The girl snapped up the package and pointed to a little old man standing beside her. “Grandpa will pay the bill,” she smiled.
Car Trouble
Joke of the Day Posted on | December 7, 2007 | No Comments
There are four engineers traveling in a car; a mechanical engineer, a chemical engineer, an electrical engineer and a computer engineer. The car breaks down.
“Sounds to me as if the pistons have seized. We’ll have to strip down the engine before we can get the car working again”, says the mechanical engineer.
“Well”, says the chemical engineer, “it sounded to me as if the fuel might be contaminated. I think we should clear out the fuel system.”
“I thought it might be an grounding problem”, says the electrical engineer, “or maybe a faulty plug lead.”
They all turn to the computer engineer who has said nothing and say: “Well, what do you think?”
“Ummm – perhaps if we all get out of the car and get back in again?”
Australia Vacation
Joke of the Day Posted on | December 6, 2007 | No Comments
A gorgeously slim, size 8 blonde from New York went to Australia for her vacation and booked into a VERY expensive hotel.
Janice changed into her skimpy thong bikini, put on a fashionable beach shirt, beach hat, sunglasses, new sandals … You get the idea. She grabbed a large towel; her new beach bag and headed for the golden Australian sand and sun.
To her surprise the beach was very crowded. The only spot big enough to accommodate her large towel was just next to a filthy, salt encrusted bench with a seriously dirty old bum collapsed on it.
Janice was VERY nervous about stretching out in her bikini next to this old bum … but it was the only available place. Anyway, she was on holiday, this was Australia and she’d be safe enough!
Janice spread her beach towel; removed her shirt and hat; and opened her beach bag to get her sun-tan lotion. She liberally applied sun-tan lotion all over her VERY sexy, pale white body.
The bum watched intently.
Janice laid back on her towel to read a little. Then realized she’d forgotten to remove her new sandals.
She sat up and slipped off her sandals.
As she stretched back down, the bum lean over and asked,
“Hey lady, can I smell your pussy?”
Like a released spring and, absolutely outraged, Janice jumped up and exclaimed, “Of course not! I’ve never been so insulted”
“Oh!” announced the bum, “Then it must be your feet …”
Honeymoon Night
Joke of the Day Posted on | December 5, 2007 | No Comments
John and Mary had been high school sweethearts, but they had never had sex.
“We’ll have to wait until we are married,” she told him.
So he waits.
They are engaged three years, and finally the big day rolls around. On their wedding night, Mary comes out of the bathroom, and says “I have some bad news. I have my period, and I don’t want our first time to be all bloody!”
John says, “You’re kidding!”
Mary says, “We’ll just have to wait a bit longer.”
Mary goes to sleep, and wakes up at 3:00 am to get a drink. On her way back to bed, she notices Johnny wide awake staring at the ceiling.
“There’s no use John,” she said “You might as well go to sleep.”
“I would, except my dick’s so hard there’s not enough skin left to close my eyes!”
Horse Sense
Joke of the Day Posted on | December 4, 2007 | No Comments
An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy.
He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, “Pull, Nellie, pull!” Buddy didn’t move.
Then the farmer hollered, “Pull, Buster, pull!” Buddy didn’t respond.
Once more the farmer commanded, “Pull, Coco, pull!” Nothing.
Then the farmer nonchalantly said, “Pull, Buddy, pull!” And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch.
The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.
The farmer said, “Oh, Buddy is blind, and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn’t even try!”
No Swimming
Joke of the Day Posted on | December 3, 2007 | No Comments
A beautiful woman walked into an orchard and found a lovely pool in it. She decided to go skinny-dipping. She looked around, didn’t see anyone, and undressed. Just as she was about to dive in, the orchard owner appeared from behind the bush where he was hiding all along and told her that swimming was prohibited.
“You could have told me that before I undressed!” she scolded him.
He replied, “Swimming is prohibited, undressing isn’t.
Froze to Death
Joke of the Day Posted on | December 2, 2007 | No Comments
Two men waiting at the pearly gates strike up a conversation. “How’d you die?” the first man asks the second.
“I froze to death,” says the second. “That’s awful, how does it feel to freeze to death?” says the first.
“It’s very uncomfortable at first, you get the shakes, and you get pains in all your fingers and toes. But eventually, it’s a very calm way to go. You get numb and you kind of drift off, as if you’re sleeping.
How did you die?” says the second. “I had a heart attack”, says the first guy.
“You see, I knew my wife was cheating on me, so one day I showed up at home unexpectedly.
I ran up to the bedroom, and found her alone, knitting.
I ran down to the basement, bot no one was hiding there.
I ran up to the second floor, but no one was hiding there either.
I ran as fast as I could to the attic, and just as I got there, I had a massive heart attack and died.”
The second man shakes his head. “that’s so ironic” he says.
“What do you mean?” asks the first man “If you had only stopped to look in the freezer, we’d both still be alive.”
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