Lost Purse
Joke of the Day Posted on | September 10, 2007 | No Comments
A lady lost her handbag in the bustle of shopping at the mall. It was found by an honest little boy and returned to her. Looking in her purse, she commented, “Hmmm…. That’s funny. When I lost my bag there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are twenty $1 bills.”
The boy quickly replied, “That’s right, lady. The last time I found a lady’s purse, she didn’t have any change for a reward.”
100 Kisses
Joke of the Day Posted on | September 9, 2007 | No Comments
Dear Sweetheart,
I can’t send my salary this month, so I am sending 100 kisses.
You are my sweetheart
Your husband
Allen
*———————————————————–*
His wife replied back after some days to her husband:
Dearest sweetheart,
Thanks for your 100 kisses, I am sending the expenses details.
1. The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month’s milk.
2. The electricity man only agreed after 7 kisses.
3. Your house owner is coming every day and taking two or three kisses instead of the rent.
4. Supermarket owner did not accept kisses only, so I have given him some other items………..
5. Other expenses 40 kisses
Please don’t worry for me, I have a remaining balance of 35 kisses and I hope I can complete the month using this balance. Shall I plan same way for next months, Please Advise !!!
Your Sweet Heart
White Liquid
Joke of the Day Posted on | September 8, 2007 | No Comments
There were two farmers on a farm. One farmer was sitting in the kitchen when the other one came in from the barn with a glass of white liquid. He was so excited because he had just milked a cow. Then he took a big drink from the glass. The other farmer just stared at him and said, ‘We don’t have a cow, we have a bull.’
Female Hormones
Joke of the Day Posted on | September 7, 2007 | No Comments
Last month, National University of Lesotho Scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of Female Hormones in beer.
Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption. The theory is that beer contains Female Hormones (hops contain phytoestrogen’s) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women. To test the theory, 100 men drank 8 pints of beer each within a 1 hour period. It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects:
1) Argued over nothing.
2) Refused to apologize when obviously wrong.
3) Gained weight.
4) Talked excessively without making sense.
5) Became overly emotional.
6) Couldn’t drive.
7) Failed to think rationally.
Had to sit down while urinating.
No further testing was considered necessary.
How did I come into this world??
Joke of the Day Posted on | September 6, 2007 | No Comments
Boy: “Daddy? How did I come into this world?”
Dad: “Well, my child, some day I’ll have to tell you any way.
Boy:”So why not today? Please!”
Dad: “OK, but listen carefully.”
“Mom and Dad met each other in a cyber cafe. In the restrooms of that cyber cafe, dad connected to mom. Mom at that time made some downloads from dad’s memory stick. When dad finished uploading we discovered we used no firewall. Since it was too late to cancel or delete, nine months later we ended up with a virus.”
Contributed By – Destiny Cheng
Living on a Prayer !
Joke of the Day Posted on | September 5, 2007 | No Comments
The Sunday before Christmas, a pastor told his congregation that the church needed some extra money. He asked the people to consider donating a little more than usual into the offering plate. He said that whoever gave the most would be able to pick out three hymns. After the offering plates were passed, the pastor glanced down and noticed that someone had placed a $1,000 bill in offering.
He was so excited that he immediately shared his joy with his congregation and said he’d like to personally thank the person who placed the money in the plate. A very quiet, elderly, saintly looking lady all the way in the back shyly raised her hand. The pastor asked her to come to the front.
Slowly she made her way to the pastor. He told her how wonderful it was that she gave so much and in thanks asked her to pick out three hymns.
Her eyes brightened as she looked over the congregation, pointed to the three most handsome men in the building and said, “I’ll take him and him and him.”
Agreement
Joke of the Day Posted on | September 4, 2007 | No Comments
A businessman was being interviewed about his life and career when the subject of his wife of thirty years came up.
“To what do you attribute the success of your marriage?” asked the interviewer.
“Well,” replied the businessman, “You know that saying ‘Behind every successful man there’s a woman’?”
“Yes.”
“Well, behind every successful man’s woman is a pre-nuptial agreement.”
Windows Vista : Error
Joke of the Day Posted on | September 3, 2007 | No Comments
The following are new Error Messages planned for Windows Vista:
1) Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.
2) Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.
3) Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.
4) Press any key… no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!
5) Press Ctrl-Alt-Del now for IQ test.
6) Close your eyes and press escape three times.
7) Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game?
9) Windows message: “You have just made a type mismatch! Shall I format your brain?”
10) This is a message from God: “Rebooting the universe, please log off.”
11) Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.
12) BREAKFAST.SYS halted… Cereal port not responding.
13) COFFEE.SYS missing… Insert cup and press any key.
14) CONGRESS.SYS corrupted… Re-boot Washington D.C? (Y/N)
15) File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
16) Bad or missing mouse driver. Spank the cat? (Y/N)
17) Runtime Error 6D at 417 A:32CF: Incompetent User.
18) Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)
19) WinErr 547: LPT1 not found… Use backup… PENCIL & PAPER.
20) User Error: Replace user.
21) Windows VirusScan 1.0 – “OS/2 found: Remove it? (Y/Y)”
22) Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic
Contributed By – Liane
Once a Day
Joke of the Day Posted on | September 3, 2007 | No Comments
A couple was having some trouble, so they did the right thing and went to a marriage counselor. After a few visits, and a lot of questioning and listening, the counselor said that he had discovered the main problem.
He stood up, went over to the woman, asked her to stand, and gave her a hug. He looked at the man and said, “This is what your wife needs, at least once a day!”
The man frowned, thought for a moment, then said, “OK, what time do you want me to bring her back tomorrow?”
Roses
Joke of the Day Posted on | September 2, 2007 | 1 Comment
This woman and her husband have this really bad fight. He goes off to work the next day without talking to her, but she doesn’t care.
She’s busy doing her thing around the house. All of the sudden, around 1:00 in the afternoon, the doorbell rings. She goes to the door and opens it and there is a young delivery guy from the local florist shop with an enormous, beautiful bouquet of long-stemmed red roses…the expensive ones…from her husband.
She says to the delivery guy with disgust, “Oh CRAP!”
The delivery guy says, “What’s a matter lady? You don’t like roses?”
She replies, “Yeah, I like roses, but do you know what this means?”
He says, “No, Lady, what does this mean?”
She answers, “It means for the next two weeks I’ll be laying on my back with my legs in the air.”
He replies, “Geez, Lady, don’t you have a vase?”
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