A Crime Story
Joke of the Day Posted on | August 12, 2007 | 2 Comments
5 people lived in a room. They are named Mad, Brain, Fool, Somebody and Nobody. Fool did not know the four other people, and he was a police. The four other people, Mad, Brain, Somebody and Nobody were friends.
One day, Somebody killed Nobody. At that time, Brain was in the bath room. Mad called the police.
Mad: Is this the police?
Police: Yes, what is the matter?
Mad: Somebody killed Nobody.
Police: Are you mad?
Mad: Yes, I am Mad.
Police: Don’t you have a brain?
Mad: Brain is in the bath room.
Police: You’re dumb!
Mad: No! I’m not Dumb, I’m Mad.
Police: *annoyed and hangs up, treating it as a prank call*
Mad dialed ’999′ for the police again and it was still the same police who answered the call. The police hung up upon hearing Mad saying that Somebody killed Nobody.
Mad was really anxious as his friend was killed but no police helped him.
Mad called the Head of Police the next day. The Head of Police went to the house to see if there’s really someone dead. Yes, there was a corpse. Mad told the Head of Police that he did call for assistance from a police but the police had hung up on him twice.
So, the Head of Police went to check who was on duty at that time.He found out that Fool was on duty. (The Head of Police did not know Fool’s name)
The Head of Police sent someone to bring Fool to the house and scolded him: YOU FOOL!
Fool answered “Yes, sir?”
The Head of Police was shocked that he admitted that he was a ‘fool’.
Within seconds, he regained from the shock and told Fool, “You are fired!”
Fool: Oh, I see.
Head of Police: You don’t have to come for work from now onwards! Take off your uniform and hand in your gun!
Fool: Is You here? I don’t know anyone named You although I’ve worked here for 10 years.
Head of Police: You is not a name! Argh, forget it… What’s your name?
Fool: Fool.
Head of Police: WHAT, you called me a fool?!
Fool: No, I said my name is Fool.
Head of Police: *blur* *dizzy* Fool, you are fired!!!
Fool: O.K… It’s all their fault…
The policemen took Somebody to court and Somebody was sentenced to death.
Then, Nobody was cremated.
Fool went home and for the first time, talked to Mad and Brain face to face.
Fool: *looks at Mad* You Mad freak!
Fool: *looks at Brain* You Brainless!
Mad & Brain: You’re so stupid, fool.
Mad: I am Mad but I am not a freak.
Brain: I am Brain but I’m Brainmore, not Brainless. I have a brain in my head and my name is Brain. Two “Brains”!!
Fool: Whatever you fools.
Mad & Brain: You are the Fool, stupid. We are Mad and Brain, not Fools.
Contribute By – Chia Jiayu
Right In The Groove
Joke of the Day Posted on | August 11, 2007 | No Comments
A hippy walks into a Bar and Grill. The waiter comes up to him and asks him if he wants anything. So the Hippy says ‘Yeah a cheeseburger. Not too well done, not to rare, but right in the groove.’
So the waiter brings his burger and asks if he wants anything to drink. He says ‘A cup of tea. Not too hot, not too cold, but right in the Groove.’
The waiter’s kinda getting pissed now, but he brings the tea and kinda slams it on the table. Little while later the waiter comes back and asks the hippy if he wants any dessert. He says ‘Yeah some ice cream. Not too chocolate, not too vanilla, but right in the Groove.’
So the waiter says ‘Why dont you kiss my ass. Not the right cheek, not the left cheek, but right in the Groove!’
Naming Babies
Joke of the Day Posted on | August 10, 2007 | No Comments
A pregnant woman gets into a car accident and falls into a deep coma. Asleep for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer pregnant.
Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby.
The doctor replies, “Ma’am, you had twins! A boy and a girl. The babies are fine. Your brother came in and named them.” The woman thinks to herself, “Oh no, not my brother — he’s an idiot!” Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, “Well, what’s the girl’s name?”
“Denise,” the doctor says. The new mother thinks, “Wow, that’s not such a bad name! Guess I was wrong about my brother. I like Denise!” Then she asks the doctor, “What’s the boy’s name?” The doctor replies, “DeNephew.”
Boy Scouts
Joke of the Day Posted on | August 9, 2007 | No Comments
Boy Scouts from the city were on a camping trip.
The mosquitoes were so fierce,the boys had to hide under their blankets to avoid being bitten.
Then one of them saw some lightning bugs and said to his friend, “We might as well give up. They are coming after us with flashlights.”
A Dog Man
Joke of the Day Posted on | August 8, 2007 | No Comments
A man sat at a barstool and plopped a dog down on the bar. The bartender says, “What in the world are you doin with that dog?” “Why I’m going to sell it for a hundred dollars”, replied the man.
“What’s so special about that dog?”
“This dog eats pussy,” exclaimed the man.
A few minutes later in walks this beautiful woman.
She asked, “What are you doing with that dog?”
“Why its for sale mdm, this dogs eats pussy. And I’ll let you have it for $100.”
“I’ll take it”, shouted the lady as she threw down $100.
“Ok mdm, here’s the dog and my phone number in case you have any problems.”
The lady took the dog home, laid down spread eagle naked in bed and prodded the dog. Nothing happened. She poked the dog and nothing. It didn’t move. She called the man who sold her the dog. “This dog won’t do anything, I want my money back”
The man said, “Hold it, I’ll be right there, give me your address.” The man heads straight for the lady’s home.
He walks in and sure enough the dog is not doing anything. It just sits there.
Then the man says to the dog, “All right, I’m going to show you this just one more time.”
Lawyers Journal
Joke of the Day Posted on | August 7, 2007 | No Comments
Report in the Massachusetts Bar Association Lawyers Journal, the following are questions actually asked of witnesses by attorneys during trials and, in certain cases, the responses given by insightful witnesses:
Q: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?
Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?
Q: Did he kill you?
Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?
Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true?
Q: How many times have you committed suicide?
Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?
Q: Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn’t you?
A: I went to Europe, Sir.
Q: And you took your new wife?
Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice
which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Bennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A: It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.
Purple Color
Joke of the Day Posted on | August 6, 2007 | No Comments
This just-married Chinese coupled decide to make love on their wedding night in the hotel where they held their wedding. The wife did not want to get pregnant and requested the husband to buy condom from the shop nearby. When the husband went out, the wife waited anxiously in the room with all the lights switched off…
While the husband was out, an Indian thief came into the room. The wife did not notice and thought that it was her husband. She grabbed the Indian and happily screwed away. The wife was so exhausted that she fell asleep immediately.
In the mean time, the husband had a hard time looking for a shop that sold condoms and when he finally found one, he realized that he had only one 20-sen coin. He asked the shop owner to sell him one piece of condom and the shop owner asked him which quality that he wanted.
“The white condom, lowest quality, is 15 sen each. The black condom, average quality, is 20 sen each. And purple condom, the highest quality, is 25 sen each”. So, the husband chose the black condom as he had only 20 sen with him.
When he reached the hotel, he found his wife sleeping. Without a warning, he jumped onto his wife and started making love. The wife was surprised that the husband was so energetic after the “first” session.
A year later, the wife gave birth to a “black” baby boy. When the baby grows up, he asks the father, “Pa, why am I black and you are white?”
The father replied, “You are damn lucky already, my son, 5 sens more and you are PURPLE COLOR now!!!!!!”
50/50
Joke of the Day Posted on | August 5, 2007 | No Comments
A young man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at a fast food restaurant. He noticed that they ordered only one meal and an extra drink cup. As he watched, the gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries. One for him, one for her, until each had half of them.
Then he poured half of the soft drink into the extra cup and set it in front of his wife. The old man began to eat, and his wife sat watching, with her hands folded in her lap.
The young man decided to ask if they would allow him to purchase another meal for them so that they didn’t have to split theirs. The old gentleman said, “Oh, no. We’ve been married 50 years, and everything has always been and will always be shared, 50/50.”
The young man then asked the wife if she was going to eat, and she replied, “Not yet. It’s his turn to use the teeth.”
Income Tax
Joke of the Day Posted on | August 4, 2007 | No Comments
A newly deceased man, David, stands at the pearly gates. St. Peter tells him that he cannot go to heaven right away because he cheated on his income taxes. The only way he might get into heaven would be to sleep with a stupid, ugly woman for the next five years and enjoy it. David decides that this is a small price to pay for an eternity in heaven.
So off he goes with an ugly, stupid woman, while he pretends to be happy. As he walks along, he sees his friend Steve up ahead – with an even uglier woman. When he asks what’s going on, Steve replies, “I cheated on my income taxes and scammed the government out of a lot of money.” They both shake their heads in understanding and figure that they might as well hang out together to help pass the time.
David, Steve, and their two ugly women are walking along, minding their own business when they see someone who looks like their old friend Don up ahead. He is with an absolutely gorgeous woman who looks like a supermodel/centerfold. Stunned, David and Steve approach the man and discover that it is their friend Don. They ask him how he got this unbelievable goddess, while they’re stuck with these God-awful women.
Don replies, “I have no idea, but I’m definitely not complaining. This has been absolutely the best time of my life, and I have had five years of the best sex any man could hope to look forward to. There is only one thing that I can’t seem to understand. Every time we finish having sex, she rolls over and murmurs to herself, “Damn income taxes!”
Bandage Ears
Joke of the Day Posted on | August 3, 2007 | No Comments
One day a man was going on the street. He met a man who asked him what had happened to his ears as both ears covered with bandages.
He said: “I was ironing my clothes when the phone bell rang. Instead of picking up the phone, i pick up the iron, so i burnt my ear.”
The man asked “So what happened to your other ear?”
He said “That same stupid guy called again!
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