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An Indian, Pakistani and a Beautiful Girl

Joke of the Day Posted on | August 21, 2007 | No Comments

There’s an Indian, Pakistani and a beautiful girl sitting next to each other, girl in the middle, in a train. The train goes through a tunnel and it gets completely dark. Suddenly there is a kissing sound and then a slap!

The train comes out of the tunnel. The woman and the Pakistani are sitting there looking perplexed. The Indian is bent over holding his face which is red from an apparent slap.

The Indian is thinking “Damn it, that Pakistani must have tried to kiss the girl, she thought it was me and slapped me.”

The girl is thinking, “That Indian must have moved to kiss me, and kissed the Pakistani instead and got slapped.”

The Pakistani is thinking, “If this train goes through another tunnel, I could make another kissing sound and slap that Indian again.”

International Dating Guide

Joke of the Day Posted on | August 20, 2007 | 1 Comment

CAUCASIAN WOMAN:

First date: You get to kiss her goodnight.
Second date: You get to grope all over and make out.
Third date: You get to have sex in the missionary position. Then you promise to marry her but will probably abandon the idea.

JAPANESE WOMAN:

First date: She’s shy, so you don’t get to kiss her at all.
Second date: She’ll take a bath in front of you and let you smell her panties.
Third date: You get to have kinky sex with her. Then she will bid you sayonara as that was her fling before getting married to a Japanese man.

MALAY WOMAN:

First date: You get to touch that big breast of hers.
Second date: You get to home base with her.
Third date: You have to promise her that you are gonna get circumcised. Then you will marry her and find out that you have to support her whole family. The only consolation is that you get to repeat the procedure three other times as allowed under Muslim law.

CHINESE WOMAN:

First date: You get to buy her an expensive dinner but nothing happened.
Second date: You buy her an even more expensive dinner but nothing happens either.
Third date: You don’t even get to the third date and you have already realized nothing is going to happen.

INDIAN WOMAN:

First date: Meet her parents.
Second date: Set the date of the wedding.
Third date: Wedding night.

BLACK WOMAN:

First Date: You get to buy her a real expensive dinner.
Second Date: Your get to buy her and her girlfriends a real expensive dinner.
Third Date: You get to pay her rent.

JEWISH WOMAN:

First Date: You get a dynamite blowjob.
Second Date: You get another great blowjob.
Third Date: You tell her you’ll marry her and never get head again.

MEXICAN WOMAN:

First Date: You give her $20 and have really good sex.
Second Date: you give $25 and have really good sex with her younger sister.
Third Date: You give her $30 and have sex with her younger brother.

The Christmas Bike

Joke of the Day Posted on | August 19, 2007 | No Comments

A little boy just got a brand new bike for Christmas and was riding down it down the street. He stopped at a red light next to a Police Officer on a horse.

The Police Officer asked the boy “Did Santa bring you that new bike?” the boy replied “Yes!”

“It looks like Santa forgot to put reflectors on the back of your bike” said the Police Officer, “The next time I see you there better be reflectors on your bike!” said the Police Officer.

The little boy replied “Yes Sir”.

“Officer, can I ask you a question?” said the little boy.

“Yes”, said the Officer.

“Did Santa bring you that horse?” asked the boy.

“Yes he did!” said the officer.

“Oh, if I ever get a horse I’m going to ask Santa to put the dick under the horse instead of on top!!!!” said the boy.

Men are like….

Joke of the Day Posted on | August 18, 2007 | 1 Comment

Men are like…..Coffee. The best ones are rich, warm, full-bodied, and can keep you up all night long.
Men are like…..Chocolate Bars. Sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.
Men are like…..Blenders. You need one, but you’re not quite sure why.
Men are like…..Coolers. Load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.
Men are like…..Copiers. You need them for reproduction, but that’s about it.
Men are like…..Curling irons. They’re always hot, and they’re always in your hair.
Men are like…..Government bonds. They take so long to mature.
Men are like…..High heels. They’re easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.
Men are like…..Horoscopes. They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.
Men are like…..Lava lamps. Fun to look at, but not all that bright.
Men are like…..Laxatives. They irritate the poop out of you.
Men are like…..Mascara. They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
Men are like…..Mini skirts. If you’re not careful, they’ll creep up your legs.
Men are like…..Noodles. They’re always in hot water, they lack taste, and they need dough.
Men are like…..Plungers. They spend most of their lives in a hardware store or the bathroom.
Men are like…..Popcorn. They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
Men are like…..Place mats. They only show up when there’s food on the table.
Men are like…..Used Cars. Both are easy-to-get, cheap, and unreliable.
Men are like…..Weather. Nothing can be done to change either one of them.

Condoms

Joke of the Day Posted on | August 17, 2007 | No Comments

A dentist was getting ready to clean an elderly lady’s teeth. He noticed that she was a little nervous, so he began to tell her a story as he was putting on his surgical gloves…

“Do you know how they make these rubber gloves?” She said, “No.”

“Well”, he spoofed, “down in Mexico they have this big building set up with a large tank of latex and the workers are all picked according to hand size.

Each individual walks up to the tank, dips their hands in, and then walk around for a bit while the latex sets up and dries right onto their hands! Then they peel off the gloves and throw them into the big ‘Finished Goods Crate’ and start the process all over again.”

And she didn’t laugh a bit!!!

Five minutes later, during the procedure, he had to stop cleaning her teeth because she burst out laughing. The old woman blushed and exclaimed,

“I just suddenly thought about how they must make condoms!”

Kan Pei

Joke of the Day Posted on | August 16, 2007 | No Comments

If you have ‘ Ang Mo (Westerner)’ attending your wedding, please tell them what is ‘Kan Pei’, hahaa…..

Once there was a wedding dinner. The dinner occupied only half the restaurant. The other half was occupied by some Caucasian tourists.

As the wedding couples hop from table to table to toast the guests, the cheers of “KAN PEI” (bottoms up) gets louder and louder.

One Caucasian gets more and more irritated as the couple gets closer to him.

” KAN PEI “… ” KAN …PEI”…!

The cheers continued. Finally, the irritated Caucasian couldn’t take it anymore.

He stood up on his chair and shouted: “IF YOU CAN’T PAY, THEN LET ME PAY FOR YOU!”

That Hurts

Joke of the Day Posted on | August 15, 2007 | No Comments

A girl and a guy get married and the girl gets pregnant. So the doctor tells them not to have sex until the baby is delivered.

But the couple get very horny one night and start having sex. Suddenly the guys penis gets stuck in the gals vagina. They struggle a lot but he cant get it out. So they get over to the hospital and call for the doctor.

The doctor gives the girl a sweet and tells her to swallow it. She does so and suddenly his penis comes out. Afterwards she asks the doctor how he did it and he explains “When the baby saw the sweet, he left the banana.”

The baby was born who was so advanced, he could talk. He looked around the delivery room and saw the doctor.

“Are you my doctor?” he asked. “Yes, I am,” said the doctor.
The baby said, “Thank you for taking such good care of me during birth.”
He looked at his mother and asked, “Are you my mother?”
“Yes, I am,” she said. “Thank you for taking such good care of me before I was born,” he said. He then looked at his father and asked, “Are you my father?”
“Yes,I am,” his father answered. The baby motioned him close, then poked him on the forehead with his index finger seven times saying, “I want you to know THAT HURTS!”

Job Interview

Joke of the Day Posted on | August 14, 2007 | No Comments

Two young engineers applied for a single position at a computer company. They both had the same qualifications. In order to determine which individual to hire, the applicants were asked to take a test by the Department manager.

Upon completion of the test, both men missed only one of the questions. The manager went to the first applicant and said, “Thank you for your interest, but we’ve decided to give the job to the other applicant.”

“And why would you be doing that? We both got 9 questions correct,” asked the rejected applicant.

“We have based our decision not on the correct answers, but on the question you missed,” said the Department manager.

“And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?” the rejected applicant inquired.

“Simple,” said the Department manager, “Your fellow applicant put down on question #5, ‘I don’t know.’ You put down, ‘Neither do I.'”

Drunk!!!!

Joke of the Day Posted on | August 13, 2007 | No Comments

A policeman cruising past a bar after closing time notices two motor bikes still parked out front. He goes around the back of the pub only to find two bikers, one with his fingers up the ass of the other. “So, what’s going on here?”, the cop asks.

The biker replies, “My mate here has had too much to drink and I’m trying to make him vomit.”

The cop says, “I think you should be sticking your fingers down his THROAT!”

The biker replies, “That’s what I’m going to do next!”

What’s for Dinner?

Joke of the Day Posted on | August 13, 2007 | No Comments

A concerned husband went to a doctor to talk about his wife. He says to the doctor, “Doctor, I think my wife is deaf because she never hears me the first time and always asks me to repeat things.” “Well,” the doctor replied, “go home and tonight stand about 15 feet from her and say something to her. If she doesn’t reply move about 5 feet close and say it again. Keep doing this so that we’ll get an idea about the severity of her deafness”.

Sure enough, the husband goes home and does exactly as instructed. He starts off about 15 feet from his wife in the kitchen as she is chopping some vegetables and says, “Honey, what’s for dinner?” He hears no response. He moves about 5 feet closer and asks again. No reply. He moves 5 feet closer.

Still no reply. He gets fed up and moves right behind her, about an inch away, and asks again, “Honey, what’s for dinner?”
She replies, “For the fourth time, vegetable stew!”

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