Joke of the Day : Joke Diary

Joke of the Day For Everybody

Bad or Terrible News

Joke of the Day Posted on | August 31, 2007 | No Comments

George had responded to a call from his lawyer, insisting that they meet at once. He arrived at his lawyer’s firm, and was ushered into his office.

“Do you want the bad news first or the terrible news?” the lawyer asked.

“Well, if those are my choices, I guess I’ll take the bad news first.”

“Your wife found a picture worth a half-million dollars.”

“That’s the bad news?” George was stunned? “If you call that bad, I can’t wait to hear the terrible news.”

“The terrible news is that it’s of you and your secretary.”

Contributed By – Hua Kim Goh

An Appraisal Letter

Joke of the Day Posted on | August 30, 2007 | No Comments

Dear Manager (HR),

Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works independently,without wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always finishes given assignments on time. Often Bob takes extended measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be classed as a high-caliber employee, the type which cannot be dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be sent away as soon as possible.

Signed – Project Leader

A MEMO WAS SOON SENT FOLLOWING THE LETTER:
Dear Manager (HR),

That stupid idiot was reading over my shoulder when I wrote the report sent to you earlier today. Kindly read only the odd lines 1,3,5,7,9,11,13 for my true assessment of him.

Signed – Project Leader

Nudist Colony

Joke of the Day Posted on | August 29, 2007 | 3 Comments

A man moves into a nudist colony. He receives a letter from his grandmother asking him to send her a current photo of himself in his new location.

Too embarrassed to let her know that he lives in a nudist colony, he cuts a photo in half but accidentally sends the bottom half of the photo.

He’s really worried when he realizes that he sent the wrong half, but then remembers how bad his grandmother’s eyesight is, and hopes she won’t notice.

A few weeks later he receives a letter from his grandmother. It says, “Thank you for the picture. Change your hair style…. it makes your nose look too short.

Mad Cow Disease

Joke of the Day Posted on | August 28, 2007 | No Comments

Female reporter was interviewing 1 farmer regarding mad cow disease.
Reporter : Sir, would you like to comments about the mad cow disease?
Farmer : Lady, Do you know that bull and cow only have sex once in a year ?
Reporter : Sir, I respect your comments but we are in the programme for mad cow disease only.
Farmer : Lady, and do you know that we squeeze cow’s breast for milk 4 times a day = 1460 times a year ?
Reporter : Sir, but what has it got to do with mad cow disease ? (She was angry because the farmer had being talking sexy things.
Farmer : lady, if I will to squeeze your breast 4 times a day = 1460 times a year but you only get SEX once a year — WILL YOU BE MAD???!!!

Three Babes

Joke of the Day Posted on | August 27, 2007 | No Comments

Charlie was in a bar and three babes came up and started hitting on him. He asked if they wanted to come over to his house later. They agreed to come over at after they went home and got ready. Charlie had a friend who worked in a drugstore, so he went to see him. He asked his friend if he had anything that would keep him hard all night long. The man laughed and handed him a bottle of pills instructing him not to take more than one. Once at home, Charlie figured with three women he should take three pills, so he gulped them down. The next day Charlie showed up at the drugstore to see his friend. Asking for some liniment, he showed him his dick which was ripped to shreds. In disbelief, his friend asked if he was sure that he wanted to put liniment on his dick. Charlie replied “No,I need it for my arms the women never showed up!”

Driving Permit

Joke of the Day Posted on | August 26, 2007 | 1 Comment

A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said to him, “I’ll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study the bible a little, and get your hair cut; then we’ll talk about it.”

A month later the boy came back and again asked his father if he could use the car. His father said, “Son, I’m really proud of you. You brought your grades up, studied the bible well, but you didn’t get your hair cut!”

The young man waited a moment and then replied, “You know dad, I’ve been thinking about that. Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair.”

His father replied, “Yes son, and they walked everywhere they went.”

Girl’s Night Out

Joke of the Day Posted on | August 25, 2007 | No Comments

Walking home after a girl’s night out, two women pass a graveyard and stop to pee. The first woman has nothing to wipe with, so she uses her underwear and tosses it. Her friend, however, finds a ribbon on a wreath, so she uses that. The next day, the first woman’s husband phones the second woman’s husband, furious: “My wife came home last night without her panties!”

“That’s nothing,” says the other. “Mine came back with a card stuck between her butt cheeks that said, ‘From all of us at the fire station, we’ll never forget you.'”

Bikers

Joke of the Day Posted on | August 24, 2007 | No Comments

A cheerful truck driver pulled up at a roadside cafe in the middle of the night for a dinner stop. Halfway through his meal, three wild-looking motorcyclists roared up–bearded, leather-jacketed, filthy.

For no reason at all, they selected the truck driver as a target. One poured pepper over his head, another stole his apple pie, the third deliberately tipped his coffee over. The truck driver never said one word, just stood up, paid his check, and left.

“That truck driver sure ain’t much of a fighter,” sneered one of the bikers.

The girl behind the counter, peering out into the night, added, “He doesn’t seem to be much of a truck driver, either. He just ran his truck right over three motorcycles.”

What Makes 100%?

Joke of the Day Posted on | August 23, 2007 | No Comments

What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What akes up 100% in life?

Here’s a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

and

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it’s the BullshiT and Ass kissing that will put you over the top.

Marriage Saver

Joke of the Day Posted on | August 22, 2007 | No Comments

“The thrill is gone from my marriage,” Bill told his friend Doug.

Doug suggests, “Why not add some intrigue to your life and have an affair?”

“But what if my wife finds out?” asks Bill.

“Heck, this is a new age we live in, Bill. Go ahead and tell her about it!” said Doug.

So Bill went home and said, “Dear, I think an affair will bring us closer together.”

“Forget it,” said his wife. “I’ve tried that – it didn’t work.”

keep looking »

    About Joke Diary

    This site is dedicated to everybody who likes Funny Jokes.

    Make A Donation

    If you liked my work and effort then please consider to
    Funny Jokes everyday for three months from http://JokeDiary.com via email for just 1 dollar donation.

    Search Jokes

    Nuffnang

    Link Me Up

    Chat Box

    Joke of the Day feed

    Join us @ Twitter

    Others

    Online Users

    Locations of visitors to this page

    Admin