Singaporeans
Joke of the Day Posted on | June 10, 2007 | No Comments
There once was a very good old barber in New York.
One day a florist goes to him for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay the barber and the barber replies:
“I am sorry. I cannot accept money from you. I am doing community service.”
The Florist is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, there is a thank you card and a dozen roses waiting at his door. A policeman goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber after the cut.
But the barber replies: “I am sorry. I cannot accept money from you. I am doing community service.” The cop is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning the barber goes to open his shop, there is a thank you card and a dozen donuts waiting at his door.
A Singaporean software engineer goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber after the cut. But the barber replies: “I am sorry. I cannot accept money from you. I am doing community service.”
The Singaporean software engineer is happy and leaves.
The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, guess what he finds there?
Can you guess?
Come on, think like a Singaporean….
Have you got the answer?
….
a dozen Singaporeans waiting for a free haircut!
Contributed By – Liane
Winter Vacation
Joke of the Day Posted on | June 9, 2007 | No Comments
Two young lovers go up to the mountains for a romantic winter vacation. When they get there, the guy goes out to chop some wood. When he gets back, he says, “Honey, my hands are freezing!” She says, “Well, put them here between my thighs and that will warm them up.”
After lunch he goes back out to chop some more wood and comes back and says again, “Man! my hands are really freezing!” She says again, “Well, put them here between my thighs and warm them up.” He does, and again that warms him up.
After dinner, he goes out one more time to chop some wood to get them through the night. When he returns, he says again, “Honey, my hands are really, really freezing!” She looks at him and says, “For crying out loud, don’t your ears ever get cold?”
Good And Bad News
Joke of the Day Posted on | June 8, 2007 | No Comments
Doctor : I have some bad news and some very bad news.
Patient : Well, might as well give me the bad news first.
Doctor : The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24hours to live.
Patient : 24 hours! That’s terrible!! What could be worse? What’s the very bad news?
Doctor : I’ve been trying to reach you since yesterday.
The Tampon Remover
Joke of the Day Posted on | June 7, 2007 | No Comments
A man traveling by plane and in urgent need to use the mens room is nervously tapping his foot on the floor of the aircraft. Each time he tried the mens room door, it was “OCCUPIED”. The stewardess, aware of his predicament suggested that he go ahead and use the ladies room, but cautioned him against using any of the buttons inside. The buttons were marked “WW, WA, PP and ATR”.
Making the mistake that so many men make in disregarding the importance of what a woman says, the man let his curiosity get the best of him and decided to try the buttons anyway.
He carefully pressed the first button marked “WW” and immediately warm water sprayed all over his entire bottom. He thought, “WOW, the women really have it made!”. Still curious, he pressed the button marked “WA” and a gentle breeze of warm air quickly dried his hind quarters. He thought that was out of this world! The button marked “PP” yielded a large powder puff which delicately applied a soft talc to his rear. Well, naturally he couldn’t resist the last button marked “ATR”.
When he woke up in the hospital he panicked and buzzed for the nurse. When she appeared, he cried out, “What happened to me?! The last thing I remember is I was in the ladies room on a business trip!” The nurse replied, “Yes, you were having a great time until you pressed the “ATR” button which stands for Automatic Tampon Remover… Your penis is under your pillow!”
Brothers or Sisters
Joke of the Day Posted on | June 6, 2007 | No Comments
“Mum, teacher was asking me today if I have any brothers or sisters who will be coming to school.”
“That’s nice of her to take such an interest, dear. What did she say when u told her u are the only child?”
“She just said, ‘Thank goodness!’”
Blonde and Beautiful
Joke of the Day Posted on | June 5, 2007 | No Comments
On a plane bound for New York, the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first class section and requested that she move to the economy section since she didn’t have a first class ticket. The blonde replied, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to New York and I’m not moving.”
Not wanting to argue with a customer, the flight attendant asked the co-pilot to speak to her. He went to talk with the woman, asking her to please move out of the first class section. Again, the blonde replied, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to New York and I’m not moving.” The co-pilot returned to the cockpit and asked the captain what he should do. The captain said, “I’m married to a blonde and I know how to handle this.”
He went to the first class section and whispered in the blonde’s ear. She immediately jumped up and ran to the economy section, mumbling to herself, “Why didn’t anyone just say so ?”
Surprised, the flight attendant and the co-pilot asked the captain what he said to her.
The captain replied, “I told her the first class section wasn’t going to New York.”
Six Inches
Joke of the Day Posted on | June 4, 2007 | No Comments
A small, balding man stormed into a local bar and demanded, “Gimme a double of the strongest whiskey you got! I’m so upset I can’t even see straight!”
The bartender, noticing that the little man was a bit the worse for wear, poured him a double of whiskey.
The man swilled down the drink and said,”Gimme another!”
The bartender poured the drink, but said, “Now, before I give you this, why don’t you let off a little steam and tell me why you’re so upset?”
So the man began his tale: “Well, I was sitting in the bar next door when this gorgeous blond sauntered in, and actually sat beside me at the bar. I thought, Wow!
This has never happened before. You know, it was kind of a fantasy come true. Well, a couple of minutes later I felt this hand moving around in my lap, and the blond leaned over, licked my ear, and asked if I was interested! I couldn’t believe this was happening! I managed to nod my head, so she grabbed my hand, and started walking out of the bar. So of course I went with her. This was just too good to be true! She took me down the street here to a nice hotel and up to her room. As soon as she shut the door she slipped out of her dress. That was all she was wearing! I tell you it didn’t take me much longer to get out of my clothes!
But as soon as I jumped into the bed, I heard some keys jingling, and someone started fumbling with the door. The blond said, ‘Oh my gosh, it’s my boyfriend.
He must have lost his wrestling match tonight. He’s gonna be real mad! Quick, hide!’ So I opened the closet, but I figured that was probably the first place he would look, so I didn’t hide there. Then I looked under the bed, but no, I figured he was bound to look there too. By now I could hear the key in the lock. I noticed the window was open, so I climbed out and was hanging there by my fingers, praying that the guy wouldn’t see me.”
The bartender said, “Well I can see how you might be a bit frustrated at this point.”
“Well, yeah, but the guy finally got the door open and he yelled out, ‘Who you been sleeping with now?’ The girl said, ‘Nobody, honey, now come to bed and calm down.’ Well, the guy started tearing up the room. I heard him tear the door off the closet and throw it across the room. I was thinking, Boy, I’m glad I didn’t hide in there. Then I heard him lift up the bed and throw it across the room. Good thing I didn’t hide under there either.
Then I heard him say, ‘What’s that over there by the window?’ I thought, Oh crap, I’m dead meat now. But the blond by now was trying real hard to distract him and convince him to stop looking. Well, I heard the guy go into the bathroom, and I heard water running for a long time, and I figured maybe he was gonna take a bath or something, when all of a sudden he poured a pitcher of scalding hot water out of the window right on top of my head! I mean look at this, I got second-degree burns all over my scalp and shoulders!”
The bartender said, “Oh man, that would have enraged me for sure.”
“No, that didn’t really bother me. Next, the guy started slamming the window shut over and over on my hands. I mean, look at my fingers. They’re a bloody mess, I can hardly hold onto this glass.”
The bartender looked at the guy’s hands and said, “Yeah, buddy, I can understand why you are so upset.”
“No, that wasn’t what really ticked me off.”
The bartender then asked in exasperation, “Well, what did finally tick you off?”
“Well, I was hanging there, and I turned around and looked down, and I was only about six inches off the ground!”
Dizzy
Joke of the Day Posted on | June 3, 2007 | No Comments
A guy goes to a single’s bar to find a bedmate for the nite. He sits at the bar and has a couple of drinks while surveying his possibilities.
He finally decides on a cute redhead that seems to be having a great time dancing with different guys. So he has another quick drink while waiting for the music to stop, making sure he is positioned to ask her for the next dance.
He gets it, but after gyrating madly on the dance floor with the gal, after the dance he feels a bit woozy from the drinks he’d had.
“How many drinks does it take to get you dizzy?” he asks the perky redhead.
“Oh, four or five.” she answers, adding “And don’t call me Dizzy.”
Doctor’s Affair
Joke of the Day Posted on | June 2, 2007 | No Comments
A doctor was having an affair with his nurse. Shortly after this started, she told him she was pregnant. Not wanting his wife to know, he gave the nurse a large sum of money and asked her to go to Italy and have the baby there.
“But how will I let you know the baby is born?” she asked.
He replied, “Just send me a postcard and write ‘spaghetti’ on the back.”
Not knowing what else to do, the nurse took the money and flew to Italy. Six months went by and then one day the doctor’s wife called him at the office and explained, “Dear, you received a very strange postcard in the mail today and I don’t understand what it means.”
The doctor said, “Just wait until I get home and read it and I will explain it to you.”
Later that evening the doctor came home, read the postcard, fell to the floor with a heart attack – and died.
So the wife picked up the cord and read, “Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti – two with sausage and meatballs, two without.”
African Roulette
Joke of the Day Posted on | June 1, 2007 | No Comments
An African Minister visited Russia and was entertained by his opposite number, the Russian Minister. For three days, the African was wined, dined, and generally treated to the best hospitality that Russia had to offer.
On the last day of his visit, the Russian Minister said, “As your stay is coming to an end, it’s time for you to play our traditional game, Russian roulette. One of the six chambers of this gun is loaded – you spin the cylinder, point the gun at your head, and pull the trigger.”
This phased the African slightly, but he was a proud man of a warrior people, and to show fear would be unthinkable. Both men took their guns, spun, and pulled the triggers.
Both chambers were empty, and both the Minister breathed a sigh of relief. The African Minister was impressed with the courageous game, and thought hard about the subject before the Russian Minister was due to visit his country the next year.
When the visit came, the African Minister treated the Russian with all hospitality, until the final day of his stay. Leading him to a private room in the palace, the African Minister spoke, “Now, time for you to sample our game, African Roulette”. He then led the Russian into the room, the only occupants of which were six stunning and naked women.
The African Minister said, “These women are the most beautiful members of our tribes. Any one of them will give you oral sex, so take your pick”.
The Russian was not entirely averse to this idea, but he couldn’t see the connection with Russian Roulette. He said, “Well, ok, great, but where’s the roulette part? Where’s the danger?”
With a big grin on his face, the African Minister answered:
“One of them is a cannibal.”
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