35th Wedding Anniversary
Joke of the Day Posted on | February 8, 2007 | No Comments
A married couple in their early 60s was celebrating their 35th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.
Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table saying, “For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.”
The fairy waved her magic wand and – poof! – two tickets for the Queen Mary
II appeared in her hands.
The husband’ thought for a moment:
“Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I’m sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me.”
The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish.
So the fairy waved her magic wand and – poof! – the husband became 92 years old.
Syllables
Joke of the Day Posted on | February 7, 2007 | No Comments
The first grade teacher was starting a new lesson on multi-syllable words. She thought it would be a good idea to ask a few of the children examples of words with more than one syllable.
“Jane, Do you know any multi-syllable words?”
“After some thought Jane proudly replied with Monday.”
“Great Jane. That has two syllables, Mon……day”
“Does anyone know another word.”
“I do! I do!” replied Johnny.
Knowing Johnny’s more mature sense of humor she picks Mike instead.
“OK Mike, what is your word.”
“Saturday.” says Mike.
“Great, that has three syllables…”
Not wanting to be outdone Johnny says “I know a four syllable word. Pick me! Pick me!”
Not thinking he can do any harm with a word that large the teacher reluctantly says, “O.K. Johnny what is your four syllable word?”
Johnny proudly says, “Mas…tur…ba…tion.”
Shocked, the teacher, trying to retain her composure says,
“Wow, Johnny. Four syllables! That’s certainly is a mouthful.”
“No Ma’am, your thinking of ‘blowjob’, and that’s only two syllables.”
The wife & the mailman
Joke of the Day Posted on | February 6, 2007 | No Comments
It’s near Christmas & the mailman is delivering packages. A woman opens the door in a sexy negligee and invites him in. Surprised, he follows her to the bedroom where they proceed to have sex. After it’s over, the woman hands him a dollar. The mailman, puzzled, asked why? The woman replied, “well, while I was making my shopping list I asked my husband, honey, what should we give that nice mailman for Christmas?” and he replied, “fuck the mailman, give him a dollar!”
Animal Rights Protesters
Joke of the Day Posted on | February 5, 2007 | No Comments
Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn. Suddenly the pigs, all two thousand of them, escaped through a broken fence and stampeded, trampling the two helpless protesters to death.
Confident And Confidential
Joke of the Day Posted on | February 4, 2007 | No Comments
A young boy asks his Dad, “What is the difference between confident and confidential.
Dad says, “You are my son, I’m confident about that.
Your friend over there, is also my son, that’s confidential!”
Like My Wife’s Ass
Joke of the Day Posted on | February 3, 2007 | No Comments
A middle-aged executive was becoming increasingly irritated by the constant ribbing he was taking from the junior employees who couldn’t resist making fun of his baldness.
One morning, a particularly brash trainee had the gall to run his hand across the older man’s gleaming head while loudly exclaiming:
“Feels just like my wife’s ass.”
With a look of genuine curiosity, the aging executive rubbed his hand across his head.
“You’re right,” he said, “it does!”
Wise Old Gentleman
Joke of the Day Posted on | February 2, 2007 | No Comments
A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment. Then a new school year began. The very next afternoon three young boys, full of youthful, after-school enthusiasm, came down his street, beating merrily on every trash can they encountered. The crashing percussion continued day after day, until finally the wise old man decided it was time to take some action.
The next afternoon, he walked out to meet the young percussionists as they banged their way down the street. Stopping them, he said, “You kids are a lot of fun. I like to see you express your exuberance like that. In fact, I used to do the same thing when I was your age. Will you do me a favor? I’ll give you each a dollar if you’ll promise to come around every day and do your thing.” The kids were elated and continued to do a bang-up job on the trashcans.
After a few days, the old-timer greeted the kids again, but this time he had a sad smile on his face. “This recession’s really putting a big dent in my income,” he told them. “From now on, I’ll only be able to pay you 50 cents to beat on the cans.”
The noisemakers were obviously displeased, but they accepted his offer and continued their afternoon ruckus. A few days later, the wily retiree approached them again as they drummed their way down the street.
“Look,” he said, “I haven’t received my Social Security check yet, so I’m not going to be able to give you more than 25 cents. Will that be okay?”
“A lousy quarter?” the drum leader exclaimed. “If you think we’re going to waste our time, beating these cans around for a quarter, you’re nuts! No way, mister. We quit!” And the old man enjoyed peace and serenity for the rest of his days.
Single vs Married
Joke of the Day Posted on | February 1, 2007 | No Comments
SINGLE
1. Single means you have the time to grow and be the person you want to be.
2. Single gives you space to grow. It is harder to grow when you are too close to someone.
3. Single means freedom.
4. Single is realizing that being married is not necessarily better.
5. Single means that there could be something wonderful around the corner and you can take advantage of it.
6. Single means you are free to love again.
7. Single means you have more time to care for other people.
MARRIAGE
1. Marriage is not a word, but a sentence (life sentence)
2. Marriage is very much like a violin, after the sweet music is over, the strings are attached.
3. Marriage is love, love is blind. Therefore marriage is an institution for the blind.
4. Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor’s and the woman gets her Masters.
5. Marriage is a thing which puts a ring on a woman’s finger and two under the man’s eyes.
6. Marriage is not just having a wife but also inherited worries forever.
7. Marriage requires a man to purchase 4 types of “Ring”- engagement ring, wedding ring, suffe-ring and endu-ring.
8. It is true that love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.
9. Getting married is very much like going to the restaurant with friends. You ordered what you want, and when you see what the other fellow has, you wished you had ordered that.
10. There was this man who muttered a few words in church and found himself married. A year later, he muttered something in his sleep and found himself divorced.
11. A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking, the husband gives and the wife takes.
12. Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.
13. They say that when a man holds a woman’s hand before marriage. It is love. After marriage is self-defense.
14. When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten year married man looks happy, we wonder why.
15. There was this lover who told his love that he would go through hell for her. They got married and now he is going through hell.
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