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Fireman Bill

Joke of the Day Posted on | January 10, 2007 | No Comments

I am retired police officer. The most embarrassing moment of my life happened when I was still on the force.

On the weekends, during the early morning day shift, things were always very slow. It was customary for several of the local cops to get together at a local donat shop (where else?) and consume vast amounts of coffee.

One such morning I had had about 5 cups of the brew at the donut store, before I drove to my beat. As you can imagine, I had a call of nature. And it was urgent!

Unfortunately there were no bathrooms nearby, just a closed portion of a freeway that had been under construction for the last 10 years. The location was fairly secluded, out of public view.

There was an opened portion of a full eight-lane freeway overhead. The two opposing sides of that freeway were separated by a large open area, approximately 20 feet wide and 100 feet high. It was impossible for anyone driving up there on the freeway to see anyone down below, so I felt I had the privacy I needed to do “my business.”

I parked my patrol car in the area below the opening, and with great haste I answered the call of nature. I used to take great delight in pretending that a certain part of my anatomy was a “fire hose.” And while I was standind there, relieving myself, I was proud to see I could spray my “hose” a great distance. I was even making sounds, pretending to be a fire truck.

When I was finished, I zipped up and began to walk to my car. I heard a voice yelling: “Officer! Officer!”

I looked around, but couldn’t see anyone in the immediate vicinity. I was puzzled. Again I heard the voice: “Officer! Officer!”

I kept looking around… nobody there. Then I glanced upward, and saw a young man and his attractive wife standing in the center of the divider portion of the open freeway overhead. They were looking down at me, waving!

The man yelled: “Officer, we ran out of gas. Could you use your radio and send us a tow truck?”

With all the dignity I could muster, I inquired if they needed regular or unleaded gas. I noticed that the wife had a very amused grin on her face. I realized that they had been watching me the whole time while I had been doing my “fire hose” routine! Not wanting to disturb me, they had patiently waited until I had finished playing fireman.

Normally there was no way to see me down here from inside a passing car up there, but after running out of gas, these people had leaned over the little wall of the center divider and looked down for help.

It was a one in a million chance that they had run out of gas at this location and I was down below playing Fireman Bill!

I was so humiliated! Good thing they weren’t any closer or they could have seen that my face was about the same shade red as a fire truck. Oh well, it could have been worse. It could have been a bus load of Nuns.

Needless to say, I never played “Fireman Bill” again in this location.

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