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$64,000 Question

Joke of the Day Posted on | January 31, 2007 | No Comments

Bob had finally made it to the last round of the $64,000 Question. The night before the big question, he told the M.C. that he desired a question on American History.

The big night had arrived. Bob made his way on stage in front of the studio and TV audience. He had become the talk of the week. He was the best guest this show had ever seen. The M.C. stepped up to the mic.

“Bob, you have chosen American History as your final question. You know that if you correctly answer this question, you will walk away $64,000 dollars richer. Are you ready?”

Bob nodded with a cocky confidence-the crowd went nuts. He hadn’t missed a question all week.

“Bob, your question on American History is a two-part question. As you know, you may answer either part first. As a rule, the second half of the question is always easier. Which part would you like to take a stab at first?”

Bob was now becoming more noticeably nervous. He couldn’t believe it, but he was drawing a blank. American History was his easiest subject, but he played it safe.

“I’ll try the easier part first.”

The M.C. nodded approvingly. “Here we go Bob. I will ask you the second half first, then the first half.”

The audience silenced with gross anticipation……

“Bob, here is your question: And in what year did it happen??”

Wrong Idea

Joke of the Day Posted on | January 30, 2007 | No Comments

A young couple are out for a romantic walk along a country lane.
They walk hand in hand and as they stroll the guy’s lustful desire rises to a peak.
He is just about to get frisky when she says, “I hope you don’t mind but I really do need to pee.”

Slightly taken aback by this vulgarity he replies, “OK. Why don’t you go behind this hedge.”

She nods agreement and disappears behind the hedge. As he waits he can hear the sound of nylon knickers rolling down her voluptuous legs and imagines what is being exposed. Unable to contain his animal thoughts a moment longer, he reaches a hand through the hedge and touches her leg. He quickly brings his hand further up her thigh until suddenly and with great astonishment finds himself gripping a long, thick appendage hanging between
her legs.

He shouts in horror, “My God Mary … have you changed your sex?”

“No,” she replies. “I’ve changed my mind, I’m having a shit instead.”

Miss School

Joke of the Day Posted on | January 29, 2007 | No Comments

Teacher: “Chong, u missed school last Friday.”
Chong : “You’re wrong, Sir.”
Teacher: “Wrong, how is that?”
Chong : “I was absent, yes but I certainly didn’t miss it!”

Some Good News And Some Bad News

Joke of the Day Posted on | January 28, 2007 | No Comments

God says to Adam, “I have some good news and some bad news, what do you want to hear first?”

Adam says, “Tell me the good news first.”

God says, “I’m going to give you a penis and a brain. You’ll derive from these, great pleasure and great intellect.”

Adam replies, “Wonderful! But what’s the bad news?”

God says, “I’m only going to give you enough of a blood supply to work one at a time.”

Beer

Joke of the Day Posted on | January 27, 2007 | No Comments

Yesterday, scientists for Health Canada suggested that men should take a look at their beer consumption, considering the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer.

The theory is that drinking beer makes men turn into women.

To test the finding, 100 men were fed 6 pints of beer each. It was then observed that 100% of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn’t drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing, and refused to apologize when wrong.

No further testing is planned.

Friends

Joke of the Day Posted on | January 27, 2007 | No Comments

Man comes home , finds his wife with his friend in bed . He shoots his friend and kills him.
Wife says “If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends”

Fart

Joke of the Day Posted on | January 25, 2007 | No Comments

An old lady came into her doctor’s office and confessed to an embarrassing problem: “I fart all the time, Dr. Johnson, but they’re silent, and they have no odor. In fact, since I’ve been here, I’ve farted no less than twenty times. What can I do?” “Here’s a prescription, Mrs. Barker. Take these pills three times a day for seven days. Then come back to see me in a week.” The next week, an upset Mrs. Barker marched into Dr. Johnson’s office: “Doctor, I don’t know what was in those pills, but the problem is now much worse. I’m farting just as much, and they’re still silent, but now they smell terrible! What do you have to say for yourself?” “Calm down, Mrs. Barker,” replied the doctor soothingly. “Now that we’ve fixed your sinuses, we can begin to work on your hearing!!”

Short Jokes

Joke of the Day Posted on | January 24, 2007 | 1 Comment

A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.

First Guy (proudly) : “My wife’s an angel!”
Second Guy : “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.”

Girl : Do you love me ?
Boy : Yes Dear Girl : Would you die for me ?
Boy : No, mine is undying love

‘Here After’ Routine

Joke of the Day Posted on | January 23, 2007 | No Comments

Fred’s convertible glided to a halt on the edge of a lonely country road.

“I suppose,” said his pretty but reluctant date, “you’re going to pull the old ‘out of gas’ routine.”

“No,” said Fred, “I’m going to pull the ‘here after’ routine.”

“The ‘here after’ routine… what’s that?”, she wanted to know.

“If you’re not here after what I’m here after, you’ll be here after I’m gone.”

Microwave

Joke of the Day Posted on | January 22, 2007 | 1 Comment

There is a blonde, she wants to buy a microwave.
So she goes in and asks the sales clerk, “How much for that microwave?”

The salesclerk replies, “We don’t sell Microwaves to blondes.”

So the next day she dyes her hair red, and goes in and asks the same question. The sales clerk answers, “we don’t sell microwaves to blondes.”

So the next day she dyes her hair brunette and goes and asks the same question. The salesclerk replies the same way.

The blonde asks how he knows she is a blonde. The clerk says, “That isn’t a microwave it’s a TV.”

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