A Mini and a Mercedes
Joke of the Day Posted on | December 12, 2006 | No Comments
A Mini and a Mercedes are parked beside each other at the supermarket. The
Mini owner shouts across to the driver of the Merc.
“Do you have a telephone in there?”
The Merc owner replies: “Of course!”
“What about a fax machine?”asks the Mini owner.
“Naturally,” comes the condescending reply.
“Bet you don’t have a double bed in there?” says the Mini owner.
“Well,no, I don’t” replies the annoyed Merc owner.
Upon hearing this, the Mini owner flashes the Merc owner a patronising wink and speeds off. Livid at being outdone by a Mini, he heads for his local garage and has a folding King sized bed installed in his back seat.
A week later the Merc owner returns to the supermarket to find the same Mini, parked at the same spot. He notices the windows of the Mini all steamed up and the car rocking back and forth. Convinced that this would be his one and only chance to show up the Mini owner, he knocks on the window.
The Mini owner sticks his head out: “Can I help you?”
The Merc owner proudly announces: “I have a folding King sized bed in my car!”
To which the Mini owner replies: “You got me out of the shower to tell me that?!!”
Contributed By – Ling
Silence
Joke of the Day Posted on | December 11, 2006 | No Comments
Life on board an aircraft carrier is noisy, with jets, mechanical equipment and the dull roar of blowers circulating air. One night the ship had a massive power failure, and our berthing compartment became abruptly quiet.
Everyone woke up with a start. One half asleep seaman shouted, “What the heck was that!”
From across the dark room came a voice, “That was silence, you idiot!”
Contributed By – Ling
Santa
Joke of the Day Posted on | December 11, 2006 | No Comments
A small Boy wrote to Santa Claus,” Send me a brother please.”
Santa wrote back, “Send me your mother.”
Contributed By – Ling
Stiletto Heeled Shoe
Joke of the Day Posted on | December 10, 2006 | No Comments
One evening, a man gave his tipsy secretary a ride home after an office party. His wife was prone to jealousy, so he didn’t mention the incident to her. Later in the evening, he was driving his wife to a restaurant when he noticed a stiletto-heeled shoe half-hidden under the passenger seat.
Gripped with terror, he took advantage of a moment when she wasn’t looking to grab the shoe and throw it out of the window.
The rest of the journey went well until they arrived at the restaurant.
“That’s strange,” said his wife, looking a little agitated. “Have you seen my other shoe?”
Contributed By – Ling
What Job Advertisements Really Mean
Joke of the Day Posted on | December 9, 2006 | No Comments
1. “Join our fast-paced company” – We have no time to train you.
2. “Must be deadline oriented” – You’ll be 6 months behind schedule on your first day.
3. “No phone calls please” – We’ve filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.
4. “Seeking candidates with a wide variety of experience” – You’ll need it to replace the three people who just left.
5. “Requires team leadership skills” – You have the responsibilities of a manager without the pay and respect.
Contributed By – Ling
My Photo
Joke of the Day Posted on | December 8, 2006 | No Comments
Hubby :You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office.Why?
Wife : When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Hubby :You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Wife : Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, “What other problem can there be greater than this one ?”
BOSS
Joke of the Day Posted on | December 7, 2006 | No Comments
A man entered a pet shop, wanting to buy a parrot. The shop owner pointed out three identical parrots on a perch and said, “The parrot to the left costs 500 dollars.”
“Why does that parrot cost so much?” the man wondered.
The owner replied, “Well, it knows how to use a computer.”
The man asked about the next parrot on the perch.
“That one costs 1,000 dollars because it can do everything the other parrot can do, plus it knows how to use the UNIX operating system.” Naturally, the startled customer asked about the third parrot.
“That one costs 2,000 dollars.”
“And what does that one do?” the man asked.
The owner replied, “To be honest, I’ve never seen him do a thing, but the other two call him boss!”
Contributed By – Chew Si Hui
Marriage Humour
Joke of the Day Posted on | December 6, 2006 | No Comments
In the beginning, God created earth and rested.
Then God created man and rested.
Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested.
Ransom
Joke of the Day Posted on | December 6, 2006 | No Comments
Having gone to his secretary’s apartment, Mr. Biggs was astonished to wake up and find that it was three in the morning. “My God!” he shouted, “My wife is going to kill me!”
Unsure of how he would explain it, he ran to the nearest pay phone and called his wife. “Honey!” he began, “Don’t pay the ransom. I escaped!”
Stranded
Joke of the Day Posted on | December 4, 2006 | No Comments
There is a beautiful deserted island in the middle of nowhere where the following group of people is stranded:
2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman
2 French men and 1 French woman
2 German men and 1 German woman
2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman
2 Bulgarian men and 1 Bulgarian woman
2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman
2 American men and 1 American woman
2 Indian men and 1 Indian woman
One month later on this absolutely stunning deserted island in the middle of nowhere, the following has occurred:
One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.
The two French men and the French woman are living happily together in a “menage a trois”.
The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of when they alternate with the German woman.
The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them.
The Bulgarian men took a long look at the endless ocean and one look at the Bulgarian woman and they started swimming.
The Irish began by dividing up their island, Northside and Southside, and by setting up a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture because it gets sort of foggy after the first few liters of coconut whiskey, but at least the English are not getting any.
The two American men are contemplating the virtues of suicide while the American woman keeps on talking about her body being her own, the true nature of feminism, how she can do everything that they can do, about the necessity of fulfillment, the equal division of household chores, how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her much nicer and how her relationship with her mother is improving. But at least the taxes are low and it is not raining.
…AND…
The 2 Indian men are still waiting for someone to introduce them to the Indian woman.
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