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Lesbian Patient

Joke of the Day Posted on | November 30, 2006 | No Comments

A woman goes to the doctor’s office and says to him. “Doctor, I’ve got a strange problem I need your opinion on.”

“Could you describe the symptoms to me?” the doctor asks.

“Well, it’s easier if I show you,” she said and, standing up, proceeds to undress.

When she was down to her underwear she sat on the edge of the examining table and spread her legs to reveal two small green circles on her inner thighs.

“They don’t hurt or anything, but I was a little worried about them.”

‘The doctor peered closely at the two circles and said, “Are you a lesbian, by any chance?” he asked.

Embarrassed and slightly nonplussed at this question coming from a man with his head between her thighs, she replied, “Well, yes, I am actually. Why do you ask?”

“Well,” the doctor says, “I’m afraid you’ll have to tell your girlfriend that her earrings aren’t real gold.”

Seagull

Joke of the Day Posted on | November 29, 2006 | 1 Comment

A father was at the beach with his children when the four-year-old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore, where a seagull lay dead in the sand.

“Daddy, what happened to him?” the son asked.

“He died and went to Heaven,” the dad replied.

The boy thought a moment and then said, “Did Heaven throw him back down?”

Married For 25 Years

Joke of the Day Posted on | November 28, 2006 | No Comments

This guy and this girl have been married for about 25 years and there sex just wasent happening anymore. One day this girl decided to take a trip down town and as she was walking she came across a lingerie shop.

So she walked in there a noticed that there were crotchless panties on for sale. She thought to herself ” maybe these will spice it up a bit” So she bought a pair and went home. She decided to sit on the couch with nothing but these crotchless panties on and wait for her husband.

She heard the jingling of keys in the door so she spread her legs. Her husband walked in and saw her. She asks him how his day was.

He said “fine” She asks him ” so do you want some of this” He replies: “Not if that what it does to your panties.”

Wife’s Appointment

Joke of the Day Posted on | November 27, 2006 | No Comments

One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm.

The wife turns over and says “I’m sorry honey, I’ve got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh.” The Husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep.

A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. This time he whispers in her ear, “Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?”

Seen In The News!

Joke of the Day Posted on | November 26, 2006 | No Comments

It was so cold last night the police stopped 3 youths pushing a mobile home down the street! When questioned by police they claimed to be trying to jump start the furnace!

LIGHTS OUT

Joke of the Day Posted on | November 25, 2006 | No Comments

In a west Texas town, employees in a medium-sized warehouse noticed the smell of gas. Sensibly, management evacuated the building, extinguishing all potential sources of ignition-lights, power, etc.

After the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found they had difficulty navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked.

Witnesses later described the vision of one of the technicians reaching into his pocket and retrieving an object that resembled a lighter. Upon operation of the lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it up to three miles away.

Nothing was found of the technicians, but the lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician that was suspected of causing the explosion had never been thought of as “bright” by his peers.

Sheet

Joke of the Day Posted on | November 24, 2006 | No Comments

The cowboy walks into a hotel. The bellboy asks him
“How many sheets do you want on your bed?”
The cowboy replies “I reckon I’ll take 2.”
Next the Indian walks in and the bellboy asks him the same thing. He replies
“I’ll take 2.”
Last but not least a dumb Mexican boy walks in – the bellboy asks him the same question…. the dumb Mexican boy replies
“If you sheet on my bed I’ll kill you.”

Condom

Joke of the Day Posted on | November 23, 2006 | No Comments

A man was in a long line at Target. As he got to the register he realized he had forgotten to get condoms, so he asked the checkout girl if she could have some brought up to the register.

She asked, “What size condoms?” The customer replied that he didn’t know, so she asked him to drop his pants, which he did.

She reached over the counter, grabbed hold of him and called over the intercom, “One box of large condoms, Register 5.”

The next man in line thought this was interesting and like most men, was up for a cheap thrill. When he got up to the register, he told the checker that he too had forgotten to get condoms, and asked if she could have some brought to the register for him.

She asked him what size, and he stated that he didn’t know.

She then asked him to drop his pants, which he did.

She gave him a quick feel, picked up the intercom and said, “One box of medium-size condoms, Register 5.”

A few customers back was a teenage boy. He thought what he had seen was way cool. He’d never had any type of sexual contact with a female, so he thought this was his chance. When he got to the register he told the checker he needed some condoms.

She asked him what size and he said he didn’t know. She asked him to drop his pants and he quickly did. She reached over the counter, gave him a quick squeeze, then picked up the intercom and said …………
…………….
………..
……

..
.
“Cleanup, Register 5, ….. Cleanup, Register 5.”

One for you and One for me

Joke of the Day Posted on | November 22, 2006 | No Comments

There was a huge nut tree by the cemetery fence. One day two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts. “One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me,” said one boy. The bucket was so full, several rolled out towards the fence. Cycling down the road by the cemetery was a third boy. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, “One for you, one for me. One for you.” He knew what it was. “Oh my god!” he shuddered, “It’s Satan and St. Peter dividing the souls at the cemetery!” He cycled down the road and found an old man with a cane, hobbling along. “Come quick!” he said, “You won’t believe what I heard. Satan and St. Peter are down at the cemetery dividing the souls.” The man said, “Shoo, you brat! Can’t you see I’m finding it hard to walk as it is!” After several pleas, the man hobbled to the cemetery and heard, “One for you, one for me. One for you, one…” The old man whispered, “Boy, you’ve been telling’ the truth! Let’s see if we can see the Devil himself.” Shivering with fear, they edged toward the fence, still unable to see anything, but they heard, “One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me. And one last one for you. That’s all.

Let’s go get those nuts by the fence, and we’ll be done.”

They say the old guy made it to town 10 minutes before the boy!

Great Time Tonight

Joke of the Day Posted on | November 21, 2006 | No Comments

The young man said to his sweetheart,
“We’re going to have a great time tonight. I have three theater tickets.”

The young girl said, “Why do we need three tickets?”
“They’re for your father, mother, and kid sister!”

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