One Shot
Joke of the Day Posted on | September 20, 2006 | No Comments
A man decided to buy a new telescope for his rifle. He goes to a rifle shop, and asks the clerk to show him a scope. The clerk takes out a scope, and says to the man, “This scope is so good, you can see my house all the way up on that hill”.
The man takes a look through the scope, and starts laughing.
“What’s so funny?” asks the clerk.
“I see a naked man and a naked woman running around in the house”, the man replies.
The clerk grabs the scope from the man, and looks at his house. Then he hands two bullets to the man and says, “Here are two bullets, I’ll give you this scope for nothing if you take these two bullets, shoot my wife’s head off and shoot the guy’s dick off.”
The man takes another look through the scope, and says, “You know what? I think I can do that with one shot.”
Female With Big Hat
Joke of the Day Posted on | September 19, 2006 | No Comments
Q: In Europe, what do you call a female wearing sunglasses and a big hat?
A: A rich lady
Q: In China, what do you call a female wearing sunglasses and a big hat?
A: Tai-tai
Q: In Singapore,what do you call a female wearing sunglasses and a big hat?
(scroll down for answer)
Ans: Carpark Attendant
Tarzan
Joke of the Day Posted on | September 18, 2006 | No Comments
Tarzan was walking through the jungle one day and got into a fight with a lion.
The lion rips off one arm, one of his eyes, and rips off his penis.
Left for dead, Cheetah finds Tarzan lying there and rescues him.
Taking him up to their tree house, they give him a gorillas arm to replace the one he had lost.
An eagle’s eye for his eye, and a baby elephant’s trunk to replace his penis.
After a few days of using his new parts, Cheetah asks Tarzan, “How do you like your new parts?”
Tarzan replies “Me like new arm, very strong.
Me like new eye, see far and good.
But me no like new willie, all day long it picks up leaves and shoves them up my ass.”
Soliciting
Joke of the Day Posted on | September 17, 2006 | No Comments
There was girl who was a prostitute, but her grandmother didn’t know about her occupation.
One day, the police rounded up a group of pros and the girl was busted. The cops had all the girls lined up against a wall of the street where they were caught soliciting.
Just then the granny walked by and saw her granddaughter, she asked the girl, “What are you lining up for?”
The granddaughter, not willing to reveal the truth, told her grandmother that she was lining up for some free oranges.
Well, grandma, not one for passing up something free, joined the back of the line. A policeman who was going down the lineup taking information from each girl, soon reached the grandmother.
He was stunned and bewildered to see her so, he asked carefully, “Ma’am, you’re rather old to be out here, how do you still do it?”
Grandma proudly replied, “Oh, it’s easy, I just take out my teeth and suck ‘em dry.”
Strange Happenings
Joke of the Day Posted on | September 16, 2006 | No Comments
There was this case in the hospital’s Intensive Care ward where patients always died in the same bed and on Friday mornings regardless of their medical conditions. This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it had to do with the supernatural.
Why the deaths???????
So the doctors decided to go down to that particular ward to investigate the cause of the incidents. Come Friday morning, everyone at the hospital ward waited nervously for the terrible phenomenon to occur again.
Some holding wooden crosses, prayer books and other holy objects to ward off evils….. Just before the expected time……….
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The cleaner unpluck the life support system so that she can use the vacuum cleaner.
Little Sausage
Joke of the Day Posted on | September 15, 2006 | No Comments
A man and his wife were working in their garden one day and the man looks over at his wife and says:
“Your butt is getting really big, I mean really big. I bet you’re bigger than the Barbecue grill .”
With that he proceeded to get a measuring tape and measure the grill and then went over to where his wife was working and measured his wife’s bottom.
“Yes, I was Right; your butt is two inches wider than the barbecue grill!”
The woman chose to ignore her husband.
Later that night in bed,the husband is feeling a little frisky. He makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off.
“What’s wrong?” he asks.
She answers: “Do you really think I’m going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little sausage?”
Rope
Joke of the Day Posted on | September 14, 2006 | No Comments
One day, a young cowboy and a cowgirl decided to get married. He was a man of the world and she was an innocent bride with no experience.
On the first night of their honeymoon the couple washed up and started to get ready for bed. When they get into bed, they start exploring each other’s bodies.
Things are going fine until the bride discovers her husband’s penis. “Oh my”, she says, “What is that?”
“Well, darlin”, the cowboy says, “That’s ma rope”.
She slides her hands further down and gasps. “Oh my goodness. What’s them?” she asks.
“Honey, them’s my knots”, he answers.
Finally, the couple begin to make love. After several minutes, the bride says, “Stop honey. Wait a minute”.
Her husband, panting a little, asks, “What’s the matter honey? Am I hurting you?”
“No”, the bride replies. “Just undo them damn knots. I need more rope!”
Captured by Native Tribemens
Joke of the Day Posted on | September 13, 2006 | No Comments
3 Men are walking through the jungle when they are captured by native tribesman. The tribesman take the men back to camp and present them to the chief. The chief says to the first man ‘paboo or die’, to this the man replies ‘well i`m to young to die, I`ll have paboo’ so the tribesman all rush him to an empty hut and take it in turns to fuck his arse.
He walks out clutching his arse and crawls out the gate. The chief says again to the second man ‘Paboo or die’, the man having seen the state of his friend on departure reluctantly says ‘paboo’ and the tribesman take him to the hut and start to rape his booty. He also walks out clutching his arse and screaming in pain. The chief then says to the final man ‘Paboo or die’.
The man stands up, spits on the chief and says I ain`t no fucking queer i`ll die like a man’. To this the chief shouts ‘Death, by Paboo’
Jewish Genie
Joke of the Day Posted on | September 12, 2006 | No Comments
An Arab has spent many days crossing the desert without finding a source of water. It gets so bad that his camel dies of thirst. He’s crawling through the sands, certain that he has breathed his last, when all of a sudden he sees a shiny object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him.
He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand,and discovers that he has a Manischevitz wine bottle. It appears that there may be a drop or two left in the bottle, so he unscrews the top and out pops a genie. But this is no ordinary genie. This genie appears to be a Hassidic rabbi, complete with black alpaca coat, black hat, side curls, etc.
“Well, kid,” says the genie. “You know how it works. You have three wishes.”
“I’m not going to trust you,” says the Arab. “I’m not going to trust a Jewish genie!”
“What do you have to lose? It looks like you’re a goner anyway!”
The Arab thinks about this for a minute, and decides that the genie is right.
“OK, I wish I were in a lush oasis with plentiful food and drink.”
***POOF***
The Arab finds himself in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen. And he is surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.
“OK, kid, what’s your second wish.”
“My second wish is that I were rich beyond my wildest dreams.”
***POOF***
The Arab finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare gold coins and precious gems.
“OK, kid, you have just one more wish. Better make it a good one!”
After thinking for a few minutes, the Arab says: “I wish I were white and surrounded by beautiful women.”
***POOF***
The Arab is turned into a Tampax.
It Happen At Church
Joke of the Day Posted on | September 11, 2006 | No Comments
A blond man showed up at work one day with a black eye. When his co-workers saw him they asked him what happened. He told them it had happened at church. They insisted that you couldn’t get a black eye at church, and wanted to know what really happened.
So, he told them, “I went to the church—I got on my knees and prayed—I stood up to sing the hymns—there in front of me was the biggest woman I had ever seen, and when she had stood up, her dress had got stuck in her butt-crack, so being the gentleman I am, I reached over and pulled it out for her and she did not like that so she hit me.” The guys laughed and ribbed him about it all day.
The next week he showed up to work and his face was beat bad! Again the guys asked him what had happened and he told them he’d got beaten up at church. Again they didn’t believe him, so he explained, “I went to the church—I got on my knees and prayed—I stood up to sing the hymns—and there in front of me was that same big woman with her dress again stuck up her butt-crack.”
At this point the other men interrupted and said “Please tell us you didn’t pull her dress out of there again?”
“No, the guy standing beside me did, and I knew she didn’t like that—so I shoved it back in.”
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