Tooth Brush
Joke of the Day Posted on | August 23, 2006 | No Comments
Husband: “When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger”
Wife: “I’ll clean the toliet bowl.”
Husband:”How does that help?”
Wife:”I use your tooth brush.”
Four Friends
Joke of the Day Posted on | August 22, 2006 | No Comments
Four friends reunited at a party after 30 years. After a few laughs and drinks, one of them had to go to the rest room. The ones who stayed behind began to talk about their kids and their successes.
The first guy says:
I am very proud of my son, he is my pride and joy. He started working at a very successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and Business Administration soon he was promoted and began to climb the corporate ladder becoming the General Manager and now he is the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes Benz for his birthday.
The second guy says:
Damn, that’s terrific!! My son is also my pride and joy, I am very proud of him. He started working at a travelling agency for a very big airline. He went to flight school to become a pilot and also managed to become a partner in the company where he now owns the majority of the assets. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday.
The third guy says:
Well, well, well congratulations!! My son is also my pride and joy and he is also very rich. He studied in the best universities and became an Engineer. He started his own construction company and became very successful and a multimillionaire. He also gave away some thing very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday. He built a 30,000 sq ft mansion specially for his friend.
The three friends congratulated each other mutually for the successes of theirs sons.
The fourth friend who earlier had gone to restroom returned and asked:
What’s going on, what are all the congratulations for? One of the three said: We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons.
And then he asked, What about your son?
The forth man replied: My son is Gay and he makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub. The three friends said: What a shame that must be, that is horrible, what a disappointment you must feel!
The fourth man replied: No, I am not ashamed. Not at all. He is my son and I love him just as well, he is my pride and joy. And he is very lucky too. Did you know that his birthday just passed and the other day he received a beautiful 30,000 sq ft mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes Benz from his three boyfriends.
Contribute By – Ling
1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9 & 10
Joke of the Day Posted on | August 22, 2006 | No Comments
Ah Lum was asked to make a sentence using 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9 & 10. Not only did he do it from 1 to 10, he also did it from 10 back to 1 as well. This is his story.
1 (One) day I went 2 (to) climb a 3 (tree) outside a house to peep but the couple saw me so I panicked and 4 (fell) down. The man rushed out and wanted to 5 (fight) with me. I ran until I fell 6 (sick) and threw up. So I went into 7 (Seven) eleven and grabbed some 8 (eggs) to throw at him. Then I took a 9 (knife) and tried to stab him. 10 (thank) god he ran away.
So I put the 9 ( knife) back and paid for the 8 (eggs) and then I left 7 (seven) eleven. Next day, I called my boss and said that I was 6 (sick). He said, “5 (fine) , tomorrow also no need to come back 4 (for) work.” He also ask me to climb a 3 (tree) and jump down. I don’t understand. I so nice 2 (to) him but I don’t know what he 1 (wants).
*Seven Eleven is a store
Contribute By – Ling
UN meeting on space exploration
Joke of the Day Posted on | August 21, 2006 | No Comments
Mr Samy Vellu attends a UN meeting on space exploration by 2008. He is representing the Malaysian Prime Minister. Here are some of the conversations:
China Delegate:
“By the year 2008, China will start their moon exploration project.”
Russian Delegate: “We too, we are going to explore the moon. This time we will see to it that our cosmonauts will step on the moon.”
George Bush: “We the United States will also explore the moon – for the second time.”
Malaysian Delegate: “By the year 2008, Malaysia will explore the sun.”
There was a long silence.
Bush stood up and asked the Malaysian delegate:
“Isn’t it too hot to explore the sun?”
Samy Vellu (thinking for awhile): “We will do it in the evening.”
Contribute By – Jolene
Chick With Long Legs
Joke of the Day Posted on | August 20, 2006 | No Comments
A man walks up to the bar with an ostrich behind him. As he sits down, the bartender comes over and asks for their order. The man says, “I’ll have a beer.” He turns to the ostrich and asks, “What’s yours?” “I’ll have a beer, too,” says the ostrich.
The bartender pours the beer and says, “That will be $3.40 please.”
The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come in again, and the man says, “I’ll have a beer,” and the ostrich says, “I’ll have the same.” Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with the exact change.
This becomes a routine until, late one evening, the two enter again.
“The usual?” asks the bartender.
“Well, it’s close to last call, so I’ll have a large scotch,” says the man.
“Same for me,” says the ostrich.
“That will be $7.20,” says the bartender. Once again, the man pulls exact change out of his pocket and places it on the bar.
The bartender can’t hold back his curiosity any longer. “Excuse me sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?” the bartender asks.
“Well,” says the man. “Several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I just put my hand in my pocket, and the right amount of money will always be there.”
“That’s brilliant!” says the bartender, “Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you’ll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!”
“That’s right! Whether it’s a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,” says the man.
The bartender asks, “One other thing, sir, what’s with the ostrich?”
The man replies, “My second wish was for a chick with long legs.”
Squashed Frog
Joke of the Day Posted on | August 19, 2006 | No Comments
There was this little boy about 12 years old walking down the sidewalk dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him. He comes up to the doorstep of a house of ill repute and knocks on the door. When the madam came to answer it, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted.
He said he wanted to have sex with one of the women inside, he had the money to buy it, and wasn’t leaving until he got it. The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come in.
Once he got in, she told him to pick any of the girls he liked. He asked her if any of the girls had any diseases, and of course the madam said ‘no’. But he said he’d heard that all the men were talking about having to go to the hospital and get shots after making love with Mable, and THAT was the girl he wanted. Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it, the madam told him to go upstairs and go to the first room on the right.
So he headed down the hall dragging the squashed frog behind him. Ten minutes later he came back down, still dragging the frog, paid the madam, and headed out the door, at which time the madam stopped him and asked him just why he picked the only girl she had in the place with a disease, instead of one of the others.
He said: “Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents are going out to a restaurant to eat, leaving me at home with a baby-sitter. When they leave, I’m going to have sex with my baby-sitter, who happens to be very fond of cute little boys, and then she will get the disease that I just caught. When mom and dad get back, dad will take the baby-sitter home, and on the way, he’ll jump the babysitter’s bones,and he’ll catch the disease. Then when dad gets home from the babysitters,he and mom will go to bed and they’ll have sex, and mom will catch it.In the morning when dad goes to work, the milkman will deliver the milk, and he’ll have a quickie with mom, and he’ll catch it, and HE’S the son-of-a-bitch who ran over my FROG!!!”
Girls
Joke of the Day Posted on | August 19, 2006 | No Comments
A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands next to the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair cut, eating a snack cake.
The barber says to her, “Sweetheart, you’re gonna get hair on your Twinkie.”
She says, “Yes, I know, and I’m gonna get boobs too.”
Contribute By – Ling
Rules for Marriage
Joke of the Day Posted on | August 18, 2006 | No Comments
A typical macho man married a typical good-looking lady.
After the wedding, he laid down the following rules : “I’ll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want. And I don’t expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you otherwise. I’ll go hunting, fishing, boozin’ and card playing when I want with my old buddies and don’t you give me a hard time about it.
Those are my rules. Any comments ?”
His new bride said, “No, that’s fine with me. Just understand that there’ll be sex here at seven o’clock every night, whether you’re here or not.”
The Clinton Tragedy
Joke of the Day Posted on | August 17, 2006 | No Comments
Bill Clinton is visiting a school. In one class, he asks the students if anyone can give him an example of a ‘tragedy’.
One little boy stands up and offers ‘If my best friend who lives next door was playing in the street when a car came along and killed him, that would be a tragedy.’
‘No,’ Clinton says, ‘That would be an ACCIDENT.’
A girl raises her hand. ‘If a school bus carrying fifty children drove off a cliff, killing everyone involved… that would be a tragedy.’
‘I’m afraid not,’ explains Clinton.
‘That is what we would call a GREAT LOSS.’
The room is silent; none of the other children volunteer.
‘What?’ asks Clinton, ‘Isn’t there any one here who can give me an example of a tragedy?’
Finally, a boy in the back raises his hand. In a timid voice, he says: ‘If an airplane carrying Bill & Hillary Clinton were blown up by a bomb, THAT would be a tragedy.’
‘Wonderful!’ Clinton beams. ‘Marvelous! And can you tell me WHY that would be a tragedy?’
‘Well,’ says the boy, ‘because it wouldn’t be an accident, and it certainly would not be a great loss!’
Plus Sign
Joke of the Day Posted on | August 17, 2006 | No Comments
A Jewish student was doing well in school in all subjects except for Math. So his parents decide to send him to a private Catholic school. While there the boy came home from school and studied every day. At the end of the marking period the boy got straight A’s. So his parents asked him, “What motivated you to do so well in school?”
He replied, “When I saw that guy nailed to a plus sign I knew they weren’t fooling around!”
Contribute By – Ling
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