Equipment
Funny Joke Posted on | June 14, 2006 | No Comments
A couple went on vacation to a fishing resort up north. The husband liked to fish at the crack of dawn while the wife preferred to read. One morning the husband returned after several hours of fishing and decided to take a short nap. The wife decided to take the boat out. She was not familiar with the lake so she rowed out, anchored the boat, and started reading her book.
Along comes the sheriff in his boat, pulls up alongside and says, “Good morning, Ma’am. What are you doing?”
“Reading my book,” she replies.
“You’re in a restricted fishing area,” he informs her.
“But, Officer, I’m not fishing. Can’t you see that?”
“But you have all this equipment, Ma’am. I’ll have to take you in and write you up.”
“If you do that I will charge you with rape,” snaps the irrate woman.
“I didn’t even touch you,” grouses the sheriff.
“Yes, that’s true … but you have all the equipment …”
Doctor Become A Farmer
Funny Joke Posted on | June 13, 2006 | No Comments
Once there was this doctor that moved out to the country to become a farmer. He said to himself, “Well, since I’m going to have a farm, I’d might as well have animals on it.” So the doctor got in his truck to go looking.
Along the way, he spotted a sign saying, “Cocks 4 Sale.” He pulled over and asked the farmer what a cock was. “A cock is a rooster,” the farmer replied. So the doctor bought a cock and put it in the back of his truck.
The doctor continued on his way until he saw a sign saying, “Pullets 4 Sale.” The doctor pulled over and asked the farmer what a pullet was. “A pullet is a hen,” the farmer replied. “But sometimes a cock and pullet will fight, so watch out.” So the doctor thanked the farmer and went on his merry way. Down the road a bit, there was another sign saying, “Asses 4 Sale.”
So the doctor pulled over again to ask. “An ass is a donkey,” the farmer repied. “But watch out because this donkey is different. If he gets scared, he’ll sit down and won’t move until you scratch his belly.”
The doctor thanked this farmer and turned around to head home. Well, in the road was a broken bottle and the doctor’s truck ran over it. Pop!!!! The sound made the cock and pullet started to fight and the donkey sat on the spare tire.
A lady just happened to be passing by and asked if the doctor needed help. The doctor, wanting to sound like a professional farmer, replied, “Yes, I need help.
Will you please hold my cock and pullet while I scratch my ass???”
Drugs
Funny Joke Posted on | June 12, 2006 | No Comments
A man was on trial for selling drugs, and a neighbor was called as a witness. ,The defense attorney asked, “Did you ever get any cocaine or other drugs from the defendant?”
“No sir,” answered the man. “Did you ever get any from his wife?”
“No sir.” “Did you ever get any from his daughters?”
“Uh–excuse me sir,” the witness said, “but we’re still talking about drugs here, right?”
Bud
Funny Joke Posted on | June 11, 2006 | No Comments
A girl walks into a bar and asks for a Bud. The bartender gives it to her, she drinks it, and passes out. The bartender tries to wake her but can’t. When he sees that no one else is in the bar he locks the door and has his way with her. The next day the girl walks in and the bartender calls 30 of his friends and tells them what happened. She orders a Bud and passes out. They all have their way with her. The following day 70 guys show up at the bar. She comes in and orders a Bud, drinks it, passes out and all 70 have their way with her. The fourth day she walks in and the bar is packed, standing room only.She walks up tho the bar and orders a Miller. The bartender looks and says, “But don’t you drink Bud?” She replies, “I used to, but it makes my pussy sore.”
Peanuts
Funny Joke Posted on | June 10, 2006 | No Comments
One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts. He’d toss them in the air, then catch them in his mouth. In the middle of catching one, his wife asked a question, and as he turned to answer her, a peanut fell in his ear.
He tried and tried to dig it out but succeeded in only pushing it in deeper. He called his wife for assistance, and after hours of trying they became worried and decided to go to hospital.
As they were ready to go out the door, their daughter came home with her date. After being informed of the problem, their daughter’s date said he could get the peanut out. The young man told the father to sit down, then shoved two fingers up the father’s nose and told him to blow hard. When the father blew, the peanut flew out. The mother and daughter jumped and yelled for joy. The young man insisted that it was nothing and the daughter brought the young man out to the kitchen for something to eat.
Once he was gone the mother turned to the father. The mother said, “That’s wonderful. Isn’t he smart? What do you think he’s going to be when he grows older?”
The father replied, “According to the smell of his fingers,… our son in-law!”
The King & The Sorcerer
Funny Joke Posted on | June 9, 2006 | No Comments
A king travels through the desert, when he suddenly discovers a man captured under a big rock, he throws a rope around the rock and ties it to his horse and pulls the rock off the man. The man, gratefull as he is, tells the king that he’s really a great sorcerer, and gives the king three wishes.
The king looks at the Sorcerer and says “OK, then I wish to be immortal”, the sorcerer replies “Puff, it’s done.” The king takes a knife and stabs himself and nothing happens, then he says “OK, then I want my horse to be immortal.” The sorcerer replies “Puff, it’s done”. The king, happy as can be, stabs his horse and nothing happens, then he says “OK, then I want my horses genitals.” The sorcerer replies “Puff, it’s done”.
The king, still happy, jumps on his horse and rides back to his castle, in the doorway he meets his friend Peter, jumps off the horse and tells Peter that he’s now immortal. Peter laughs, but the king gives Peter his knife and says “Here stab me with the knife.” Peter stabs the king as ordered and nothing happens, then the king shows Peter that his horse also is immortal, and replies “That’s not even the best part look at this” and the king drops his pants. Peter looks at the naked king and screams out loud “Damn that’s the biggest pussy I’ve ever seen…’
Scabs
Funny Joke Posted on | June 8, 2006 | No Comments
A guy went to a whore house for a piece of ass, but only had 5.00. The madam suggested that he go and see Sand Paper Sally. She gave him directions and he finally found the place in a old and dingy bldg. When he rapped on the door this old lady answere d the door and the man said he was there for a 5.00 piece of ass.
The lady asked if he knew that she was Sand Paper Sally and said he knew it but did’t care. When he shoved to her, he backed out and complained that it felt like sandpaer in her pussy. The old lady said wait a min. and went to the bathroom.
She came out in 5 min. and he again shoved it to her and it slid in real easy. He asked her what she did. She told him that she picked the scabs out.
25th Anniversary
Funny Joke Posted on | June 7, 2006 | No Comments
A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary.
As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, “When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?”
The husband replied, “All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry.” 25th anniversary
Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, “What are you thinking now?”
He replied, “It looks as if I did a pretty good job.”
Each Had A Problem
Funny Joke Posted on | June 6, 2006 | No Comments
A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem they had never before shared with anyone, not even each other.
The Groom-to-be, hoping to overcome his fear, decided to ask his father for advice. “Father,” he said, “I am deeply concerned about the success of my marriage.”
His father replied, “Do you love this girl?”
“Oh yes, very much,” he said,” but you see, I have very smelly feet, and I’m afraid that my fiance will be put off by them.”
“No problem,” said dad, “all you have to do is wash your feet as often as possible, and always wear socks, even to bed.” Well, to him this seemed a workable solution.
The bride-to-be, overcoming her fear, decided to discuss her problem with her mom.” Mom,” she said, “When I wake up in the morning my breath is truly awful.”
“Honey,” her mother consoled, “everyone has bad breath in the morning.”
“No, you don’t understand. My morning breath is so bad, I’m afraid that my fiance will not want to sleep in the same room with me.”
Her mother said simply, “In the morning, get straight out of bed, and head for the kitchen and make breakfast. While the family is busy eating, go to the bathroom and brush your teeth. The key is, not to say a word until you’ve brushed your teeth.”
“I shouldn’t say good morning or anything?” the daughter asked.
“Not a word,” her mother affirmed.
“Well, it’s certainly worth a try,” she thought.
The loving couple were finally married. Not forgetting the advice each had received, he with his perpetual socks and she with her morning silence, they managed quite well. That is, until about six months later. Shortly before dawn one morning, the husband wakes with a start to find that one of his sockshad come off. Fearful of the consequences, he frantically searches the bed.This, of course, wakes his bride and without thinking, she asks, “What on earth are you doing?”
“Oh, my god,” he replies, “you’ve swallowed my sock!”
Speeding
Funny Joke Posted on | June 6, 2006 | No Comments
Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH.
He thinks to himself, “This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!” So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.
Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies — two in the front seat and three in the back – eyes wide and white as ghosts.
The driver, obviously confused, says to him, “Officer, I don’t understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?”
“Ma’am,” the officer replies, “You weren’t speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers.”
“Slower than the speed limit?” she asked. No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly… Twenty-Two miles an hour!” the old woman says a bit proudly. The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that “22″ was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.
“But before I let you go, Ma’am, I have to ask… Is everyone in this car ok? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven’t muttered a single peep this whole time.” the officer asks.
“Oh, they’ll be alright in a minute officer. We just got off Route 119.”
Don’t Really Understand this Joke. Anyone knows what is Route 119??
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